Hi im new here

I’m soon to be 25 and I have had generalized Epliepsy since I was 14 I have been on Sandoz sodium Valproate EC200 3 a day . I’ve struggled with it immensely and lost friends I couldn’t even finish one of the courses I was studying because Everytime I tried to do an assignment on the computer it would bring out the worse Trigger all through high school It was frequent and the most painful at home as my mum couldnt keep her hand in my mouth in time so I’d wake up with my clothes soaked in blood from how hard I’d bite my tongue . I haven’t had a Fit in afew years now but I have a phobia of computers and I feel terrified everyday that I may suddenly have one again I just can’t bear that dreadful feeling of those years I suffered. my biggest fear is it occuring in public by myself helpless . my last seizure occured in 2012-2013 period during my uncles wedding as people were leaving the church I blacked out on the altar so I ended up being taken back and left alone at home while everyone else attended the reception. I feel like ever since having this condition I’ve only isolated myself and I’ve become almost a loner besides my boyfriend who lives half way across the world and my family I have no one else to call a friend my everyday is sitting in the living room across my mum having arguments and verbal fights No one has/will Employ me as they assume I’m retarded they give a brief head shake and say sorry... not today. I have constant crippling anxiety and depression , last year it became so extreme I tried to overdose on the pills I was prescribed so my parents forced me to get off them. I feel like a Weak failure whos too afraid to face the world and I truly envy those I see who seem so effortlessy content I honestly don’t know what happiness feels like , my psychologist couldn’t help me . I’m always so obessed with symptoms reoccuring and I just don’t know what to do...

[EpilepsyAction1 Partner Epilepsy Action]

Hi Mary

Welcome to our community. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been going through such a tough time. It’s understandable to worry about seizures when you’ve had such horrible experiences in the past. But it sounds like now your seizures are well controlled, you need support to build your confidence and deal with your anxiety and depression. I can understand your parents must have been scared after your overdose, but you deserve to receive treatment for your mental health, just as you do for your epilepsy. If you want to take medicine for your anxiety and depression, then your parents have no right to stop you.

Have you tried talking to your family doctor about how you’re feeling? You say your psychologist couldn’t help you, but maybe you could ask about seeing another psychologist?

We have information on our website about anxiety and depression and how they can be related to epilepsy, which you may find helpful:

epilepsy.org.uk/info/anxiety

epilepsy.org.uk/info/depres...

Many people tell us they feel less isolated when they meet other people with epilepsy by joining a support group. If you’re in the UK, you can check if we have a group near you epilepsy.org.uk/near-me. If you’re outside the UK, you could contact a local epilepsy organisation epilepsy.org.uk/about/inter...

If you’d like to talk, please feel free to give the Epilepsy Action Helpline a call on 0808 800 5050.

Best wishes

Grace

Epilepsy Action Helpline Team