Feel like I'm losing myself! Is it just me!?

[District24]

Morning ladies. Been a while since I've posted on here but I feel I'm really struggling with everything! I'm STILL waiting on a lap date to see if I've deffo got endo! Me and my boyfriend have decided to try for a baby as it's taking to long etc. Is this safe?

I'm really struggling with this depression too. I've no reason to feel down but it's like a cloud I can't shift and I can't help think is it because i do have endo that's causing this depression etc. Just to top it off I end up turning to alcohol to help me cope (please don't judge me on this) we've only been trying for baby for a week or so and I know I can't keep turning to drink to help me cope! I'm so worried about my mental state of mind. I've promised myself I'll keep away from the bottle and stick at my clean diet and exercise as this does help my state of mind! When I have a drink I end up feeling so disappointed with myself because I know it's not me! It's like something is taking over me in that spur of the moment! Does anyone else suffer with bad depression who's been diagnosed with endo? Any tips or info to pick me up a little would be great x

[luthien]

Hey, well done for being so open and just posting how you're feeling!

Feeling odd / out of sorts is perfectly normal. We all go through it at times.

Waiting for a lap date is awful, is it just going to be a diagnostic or are they going to remove stuff too - if they remove stuff at the same time it means that you don't need to wait again for another lap date. May be worth checking.

Trying for a baby - no it's not too soon but it can be dangerous depending on what your endo (if you have it) is doing. Sometimes pregnancy can make it worse as the hormones make it grow more. Sometimes the growing foetus can stretch scar tissue / adhesions making it painful. Some women find their symptoms after childbirth come back much worse than before. So it may be worth reviewing that and looking at your mental state; would you be able to look after a newborn with your symptoms as they are? Could you cope post surgery too (if it's needed soon after birth)? Are you mentally strong enough to cope with both? It's just honest questions.

Not judging about the drink, don't worry. How does drinking help you cope? I mean how does it make you feel? I'm not being pushy or weird just trying to get you to look at you - inner self. I believe we spend far too much time trying to be strong, trying to show we're okay that we just don't spend enough time just being us; we can be weak, we can have iffy times, and that's okay.

How I've coped; be open with your partner, honest, spend time saying how you feel and what you need from them. Really appreciate their support; they're there and they care. Enjoy each day, every little moment and the times you're not feeling full of symtoms. Take meditation classes, try yoga, it all helps with finding that spiritual balance and inner peace. Lean about yourself, be happy - endo is a condition yes, however you are strong - you can get through this - you will be a new you, but a better you

I've taken up pole fitness - don't judge - it's brilliant for strength, and mental state, you stop judging yourself, plus chances are women there have endo or have heard of it so it feels great just to be open when you're having endo days. I love it! Great confidence boost when you see what you can do and don't care about having to be perfect, there are all different women there (sometimes men) and they all have their own background / insecurities - that's why I love it so much. I also love my yoga and have a nice peaceful "me" time part of the house for relaxation and positive thoughts.

Hope this all helps xx

[AllthatGlitters in reply to luthien]

Love your response x

[ccsmith]

Big hugs you, this is a condition which affects us all physically & mentally. Everyone here will recognise what you are going through as a lot of us are either in the same position or have been through it. I’ve struggled for over a year now with very low moods and I went to my gp. He was young but listened and did not make me feel inadequate or stupid at any time. I tried online counselling which was really helpful and helped me rationalise my feelings. I however did start a medication after several weeks which helped again.

Please keep talking to your partner and don’t be embarrassed if things are too much for you. I occasionally have a drink myself and feel similar after. It’s not the answer

Depression isn’t a part of endo but sadly due to chronic illness & pain it can happen.