A moan

[Lucy_x]

Good morning ladies,

I’m just looking for a bit of a moan really. I feel like I’m a stuck record when people ask me how I am ‘poorly again’ ‘not great but ok ‘ ‘getting on with it’ etc . It’s ok for people I don’t see much , I just turn the topic back to them , but for my family and boyfriend who I see everyday , I just feel it’s so boring!

I’m going on my first holiday away from home next week with my boyfriend ( who makes me a hot water bottle up every day before he goes to work and is so caring) but where I should be excited , I’m just petrified in case I have a flare up when I’m away- and I’m so angry that’s stopping me being excited.

At the end of September , I start uni & of course there is freshers week! I have never been one to drink loads & whilst I’m quite a fun person, I’m not a party goer ! We all laugh and call me grandma because I’d much rather stay in and watch films - most of that has come from the fact I can be perfect for a few days & then absolutely exhausted to the point I can barely eat!

So I’m a bit apprehensive about freshers , if I’m honest , I don’t want to go at all! I’ve said all along I want to go to uni to get my degree rather than the lifestyle- that’s maybe just be showing my boring side I’m not sure? And I am staying at home so I have some of my bestfriends near me , so it’s not a case that I’ll be alone in all my free time. However, I know I probably should be going and engaging in these kind of events , but honestly ... I can’t think of anything worse.

I think I’m mainly worried because whilst the party etc is at nighttime , the induction lessons etc are in the day & I do NOT want to be having a flare up on my first few days there, I went to prove myself as stupid as that seems.

The past year at sixth form I had teachers saying to me ‘you should probably stay an extra year’ or ‘you’re not going to get the grades you need with all this time off... and why is it you off again this time’ etc ( jokes on them because I came out with AAB and they had no words to say to me) although I worked my arse off for that ( the perks of not being able to go out all the time I guess) but now I feel uni is a fresh start where I want to prove myself all over again!!!

Sorry for the long post , I just feel like its hard to say this to the people closest to you , because as much as people try , nobody can really understand it unless they’re going through it themselves .

Have a lovely day ! Xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Lucy! I feel your pain & can totally empathise. My boyfriend is so sweet & caring but I can't help but feel he must get fed up of listening to me being in pain all the time - especially because as you said, unless you're going through it, nobody can ever really understand the mental or physical distress endo can cause. If you're worried about a flare-up on holiday, perhaps discuss this with your healthcare provider to see if they can up your pain-relief medication, or provide you with different ones? (I'm not sure if you take medication as pain relief for your symptoms). I did this for a hen-do abroad last year & it was a great decision.

I'm not a massive party-goer either; I can cope for a few hours, but drinking and clubbing has never really been my bag - I think you'll find as you get older, partying will become much less important as opposed to quality time, and your friends will share this with you. I wouldn't worry about Freshers; whether you choose to go out or not is completely up to you. The great thing about uni is you're bound to find like-minded people who will no doubt be super glad they've found someone who would rather get in their jammies & watch a film rather than go out and get blackout.

By the sounds of things you've done incredibly well so far, despite all the pain, days missed & naysayers - I'm sure you'll go on to do great things at uni too Good luck & enjoy!

[Lucy_x in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou so much for your reply !!! It’s so nice to know that you’re not alone and other people feel they’re totally speaking the same thing all the time !!!

I’m going to make sure I’m all stocked up on medication for my holiday and fingers crossed a bit of relaxing and company will do me some good.

In terms of freshers week , I may go to one event , depending how I feel & not for long either! We’ll see how I feel once I’m back home.

I hope you begin to feel better soon ! Xx