Hi, I hope everyone is feeling ok today
Sorry if this ends up being a long post but I am feeling so lost and desperate. I was diagnosed with endo a couple of years ago, although I have been suffering for as long as I can remember.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years, living together for the majority of that and I am so worried that we will struggle to have children. My boyfriend has been fobbing me off with not being ready for about 5 years now, constantly moving the goal posts as to why. Every reason he gives me (not enough money, not in secure jobs, not in the right house etc) I have tackled but he then just finds another excuse. I will soon be turning 31 and feel like I am running out of time. I have given him every chance to be open with me about what is stopping him, I have explained to him that if it was because he wasn't sure about us that I would understand so we could both move on in the directions we want to go. He assure me that this isn't the reason and he wants to us have children one day. I have ran out of ways to tell him how important this is to me now though.
I have had one lap, due another very soon. I have done 6 months of Prostap, many years of pain and I just don't understand why I keep having to go through all of this just because he isn't quite ready. I don't understand why he is letting this happen. It is obvious he wants children one day and I am so worried that I won't be able to give him this when he is ready.
We have this conversation about twice a year and we just go around in circles. If we eventually decide that we can't agree, where does that leave me? 31, single and potentially unable to conceive. It has got to the point now where I can feel him rolling his eyes in his head any time I bring it up so I have just stopped mentioning it cos it is so hard to face and he makes me feel like I am just being silly.
Has anyone else had a similar experience with their partner? I have an appointment with my consultant on Wednesday and have told my boyfriend that this time I am going to explain to him the situation and that I need to ask the consultant what my options would be if I were single. This didn't seem to bother him. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
We are the best of friends, he is loving and caring and every other part of our relationship is as close to perfect as can be. I don't want this to end us but I am starting to resent him so badly. It is having such an impact on my mental health - I have never suffered with depression previously, I am a generally happy person but this is driving me into the ground. It's getting to the point where it is all I can think about.
I don't want to get to 35+ to discover that we struggle to conceive - it's just not a risk I am willing to take.
Sorry for the rant, I just needed to let it out as I no longer I feel it is something I can discuss with him xx