unsupportive family

[Sal8]

Hello, has anyone found that family either does not believe you're ill/in pain, or they don't care? It's so frustrating!

[Emma5397]

I haven't it with family but had it with my so called friends. It's hard to go though any illness as it is. You want the people you care about be be there for you and support you. Yet it's always the people you don't expect to turn their back on you. It's so frustrating and can put you down, maybe try taking a family member with you to appointments may open their eyes to what's going on x

Emma xox

[Hidden]

My grandmother keeps getting mad at me because I'm 17 so I'm supposed to be young and healthy, then when she found out Im waiting for surgery she tried to convince my mom to not let me.

Just remember "Blood is thicker then water" is actually a shortened version of "The blood of the convent is thicker then the water of the womb"

[Hidden]

My mother was pretty rubbish. I told her back in january last year that I'd been diagnosed and needed a hysterectomy and BSO, and that I'd been referred out of area to a specialist hospital. I've had conversations with her where she argued that the surgery was non-invasive because it was keyhole, where she said that she hadn't realised it was serious (hysterectomy and BSO at 39 FFS!). She would insist on asking me personal questions about it in front of my young children and when I asked her not to, told me it was basically my fault because I never told her anything, and how else was she supposed to find out what was going on. TBH looking back I shouldn't have expected anything less - I was crippled by period pain and heavy bleeding from the age of 13 and she ignored it. I remember being in so much trouble for taking ibuprofen from the cupboard one month that I was too frightened to take them again, and having to buy tampons with money from my paper round because she wouldn't buy me enough and got angry if I used hers. I've got a 12yo daughter myself and I can't imagine her regularly missing school with period pain and being so wrapped up in myself that I didn't notice or do anything to help her.

In the end I told my stepdad that I didn't want to talk about it and would tell them if there was anything they needed to know and for the moment my mother has stopped asking which has helped. But it does make me sad that things aren't different.

[GrittyReads]

I think it is more common than we like to think, especially if our mothers, sisters, grans, etc. have sailed through their periods without much problem. No matter how much popular psychology (etc) tries to encourage empathy (the ability to 'think' your self into someone else's position - NB I don't think of empathy as innate, I truly think it is something we can cultivate) lots of folk can only compare pain or unhappiness etc, to their own experience. With my cousins, period pain was mild, and they could not be sympathetic and understand that my pain was so much worse, for the same process. My father was really scathing - but then he was ...!!!

Maybe try showing them some of the graphic films that are on the various Endo sites. Or find some of the films of Susan Sarandon, Rhianna, Meryl Streep, Oprah Winfrey, etc talking about their endo.

Meanwhile, I'm sure you know that all of us on here, do sympathise, hugely. You can always come on here and let off steam, or talk to the advisors at 'Endo UK'.

Tale care.

[LSF1982]

My mum is amazing, she's supported me the whole way through. She had her own serious health issues though so it's hard. My brothers offer practical support but being male they don't want to know the gory details and find it all awkward

As for the rest of my friends, family & work colleagues I have lost all respect for them. Few have made contact let alone visited me since my surgery on Monday apart from a few texts. I spent two days in hospital without a visitor because my mum had pneumonia and no one else was bothered. I even had to beg to be allowed to go home on my own in a taxi because I had no one to collect me during the day. They're all busy organising or going on holidays or nights out. There was a big family party last night for a relatives birthday. The pictures are all over Facebook today. I was unable to go and had to send apologies. Not one on of those relatives had so much as contacted me to see how I am.

To say I feel isolated at the moment is an understatement. I've just been diagnosed with severe endo as well so this is only the beginning. It makes me laugh because I'm the person who always volunteers to help or be of support when any of them have been unwell or had problems, that has stopped as of this week. I'm focusing on myself, i have no choice.