i feel like an alien like im going crazy

[nessiboo]

hiya everyone ive not long been told i have endometriosis was referred from the doctor to the specialist at the hospital she then gave me provera (hormone tablets) i told her i was hormonal enough ive been taking them about 8 to 9 weeks they have made the pain worse ive lost my appitite feel sick alot and im all over the place exremly angry every day for no reson crying alot i feel like my head is going to explode with it all i cant please my fella much anymore im isolating myself and im miserable as i cant control myself i honestly feel like im going crazy ive got the specialist again on the 25/01/17 a month earlier than i should as i cant stand the pain anymore and i want to feel myself again ive turned into a monster she should of listenened to me i feel quite close to having a break down we want another baby too been trying a year but nothing i have two children atm i love them loads and loads they help me alot when i cant do things due to the pain the provera has made me feel insecure jealous angry moody snappy and horrible i relly need someone to talk to someone who will understand xxx

[gemmah6]

Hi Nessiboo, sorry to read about your problem. I haven't ever had provera so I can't comment on this, but I fully understand what you mean by a hormonal monster and your worries. You have so much going on at the moment, with the diagnosis, the concerns about pleasing your partner, wanting to have another baby, and looking after two children already! Even without the added pressure of how these hormones are affecting you that is a HUGE amount for anyone. I too am a hormone monster, I was diagnosed with endo last year, was given Zoladex and livial until I had my excision surgery. I had concerns on how these would affect me as I was already a monster. However they didn't seem to affect me and I would say that as my periods stopped I was less of a monster. I have since had the excision and my body is returning to normal, I am not taking any hormone treatment because I want to try and stay 'normal'. However as my periods have come back so has my monster! It's not every day like you, but at least a week before I get snappy, tearful and if someone or something pushes my buttons I will explode. My partner is aware of it, he sees it before I do, I am quite lucky that he understands, but it doesn't stop me feeling bad about screaming at him or throwing a temper tantrum. I can't stop it, normally I can manage my reactions and am quite a tempered person - not at that time of the month! So I know how you feel when hormones seem to control you. All I can suggest is that the best thing to do at this time is to take each day as it comes and try not to get bogged down with everything all at once. You have lots of different things going on, your concerns about your partner, your want for another child, the hormone treatment and how it is affecting you, and the recent diagnosis of endo. Try to separate all of them so you don't feel as if you need to 'deal' with them all at the same time. The first step is to see your specialist, then you will have a better understanding of what's happening, and perhaps swap treatment options, you don't know what will happen until you go there, then you can begin to deal with everything else - like having another child. You have been very honest on this post, so have you spoken to your partner about this so he understands? Make a list of all your worries and concerns to see if this will take them out of your head. I am not surprised you feel like you are having breakdown! Concentrate on one day at a time, take time to recognise when you do something positive, often we only recognise the negative when we get into a cycle of worries and concerns and this makes us feel even worse.

I hope this helps, its awful to read that you feel like you are going to have a breakdown, I can honestly sympathise you.

I hope you get a positive result with your specialist and things can begin to turn around for you very very soon X

PS I love the picture of Cyril! x

[nessiboo in reply to gemmah6]

Hey hun thank you for replying my partner doesn't really understand what I'm going through I wish I could show him I'll try writing things down see if it helps I'm so glad someone understands how I feel ill keep in touch as much as I can Cyril was our family cat he liced with my mum so I grew up with him he recently passed away due to old age I really love the pic do thought I would share it xx