Breaking Point

[Disneygirl]

Hi girlies, I wanted to express how much this has taken it's toll on me. Yesterday, after another stressful day at work, I messaged my boss to say I wouldn't be in today. Or ever again. I was working my notice anyway because I am trying to find something less stressful but I couldn't even make the last few weeks. It's not just the pain I live with everyday (and night) that has got to me. I'm almost used to it. It's the emotional symptoms and the overwhelming fatigue that makes an everyday office job unbearable. I see the other girls that have worked there for years shrugging things off and wonder why I am breaking into a sweat and freaking out. I always keep my cool at work and on the outside you wouldn't know there was anything wrong but inside I am screaming. I just live in a constant state of fear wondering how long it will be until someone notices that I just can't cope. Every day life is too much for me and I am so, so tired that I could sleep for a week. My old job as a waitress have taken me back over Christmas, but I am at a loss for what to do then. Could this be endo or is it me? Am I just no good at this life thing that everyone else seems to breeze through.

[Sweetyassi]

Hi Disneygirl,

I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering with endo. Endo causes a lot of problems not just physically but mentally to.

When I was working in an office in 2009 no one noticed how bad my pains were. No one believed me, not my friends or my family.

I haven't worked since July 2009 due to endo. I try so hard like you to keep calm on the outside but inside I'm screaming. I don't have anyone to talk to about endo as no one in my family or relatives have or heard of endo. Ontop of having endo I also have celiac disease, disc protrusion, weakness in my hip bones, severe depression, eating disorder and anxieties. For me going out isn't simple anymore. I find doing simple things like housework, cooking, difficulty sleeping and holding a conversation difficult and exhausting.

No one can understand the pains that you are going through unless they are themselves going through it. Trust me no one breezes through endo.

Have you had any operations to remove endo? Are your pain killers working for you? I'm on morphine patches as nothing seems to help me with my pains, the morphine takes a little of the pain away but then the side effects are horrible.

I'm here if you need to vent, I we all do at some point.

Sweety.

[Disneygirl in reply to Sweetyassi]

Thank you so much, you're right that no one knows except us. It's so painful I can't describe. I have had a lap and had loads removed but not all as they couldn't get to it. I'm on painkillers and antidepressants and have counselling every week but I'm still struggling. I don't know what to do but I am so glad to have found this site and all of you lovely supportive people. I am here for you too Xxx

[Hidden]

What stage are you up to with treatment?

Something that I've found that has helped me is making some diet changes. I'm gluten free, having as little dairy as possible, avoiding refined sugar, eating lots of greens and fresh fruit and veg and oily fish. So far this does seem to be helping me Xx

[Disneygirl in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I'll give this a try. already had a lap to remove extensive endo and separate my ovaries from my pelvis. Still got some left that they couldn't get to. I'm having physio and counselling but still so exhausted and emotional

[tmc182]

Hi. Sorry your having such a tough time at the moment. I just want say that you're not alone and I understand how you're feeling. I'm relatively lucky to work from home and not have my boss breathing down my neck but the days where the pain is bad and a barely do any work, and take too long to see messages I feel guilty for letting others down. Maybe take some time over Xmas to see your doc get and try and get some referrals for gynae but also pain management and coping techniques. Sorry I've not been much help. But wanted to say you're not alone.

[Disneygirl in reply to tmc182]

Thank you that is more helpful than you know

[Starry]

Lots and lots of hugs. Firstly, don't blame yourself, you're ill remember with a serious condition. It's no you and not your fault ( and very often others aren't breezing even if on the outside it looks like they are) It's just the depression talking you down, always fight the self critical thoughts. we all have low points and struggle to cope at times. It's good that you are getting counselling and some emotional support. take care of you and vent as much as you need too. You are not alone.

[Disneygirl in reply to Starry]

Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this helps xxx

[Marcia71]

You really are not alone on here. So keep chatting.

Can I also suggest a new Facebook group - facebook.com/groups/1148144...

As another place to chat and share.

From my experience I'd say a lot of the emotional side you describe was exactly the same for me and only got a little better when I finally got the right anti depressant for me. I tried loads before I found lofepramine worked best for me and as well as making me feel less tired and suicidal it actually helped me sleep which with all the pain is a real bonus! I don't sleep great, but better than I did which gives me some energy to keep fighting each day.

Good luck and I hope today is slightly better.

[Disneygirl in reply to Marcia71]

Thank you so much. Sometimes I really feel like I am the only person feeling this way, it's such a relief to know that other people understand Xxx

[Marcia71 in reply to Disneygirl]

Unfortunately there are a lot of us that feel the same but find it very hard to put into words so well done in writing your feelings down. Take care

[Starry]

I went through 6 or 7 anti depressants and lofepramine ended up the least bad for me too , though I came off around 4 years ago as none really worked they all sedated me too heavily to function. This time of year I find a Lumiere SAD lamp incredibly helpful and it's side effect less. I was so impressed I went on to buy a SAD lamp clock alarm which works well too. Not initially cheap as you need it to be clinically approved for strength and spectrum to work but 6 months of pill prescription pays you back soon enough.

[Disneygirl in reply to Starry]

I have always wanted to try out those lamps I will look into it xx

[Shellybelly5]

Reading your post is like reading my personal thoughts. Fear of losing my job, letting others down, that others think I'm faking it. I find myself getting jealous of healthy, active women. I feel fatigued all the time. I never want to go out anymore and forget sex. My poor hubby has been so understanding. I think as with any disease, how well you cope has a lot to do with personality traits and support systems. I am a chronic worrier, so I too feel overwhelmed much of the time. I take anxiety and depression meds and see pain docs and a psychologist. Management is really all we can do for this wretched illness. Even after 3 surgeries and hormones, it is still a daily struggle.

[Disneygirl in reply to Shellybelly5]

I am so sorry that you're here too. I'm job hunting everyday, knowing that every single thing I look for will be sick of me in a few months from all the time off and 'off days' that I have. I need somewhere that lets me have a morning off once a week for my cancelling. Where is going to do that? with hundreds of people looking for work in the same places, what chance do I have? It makes me just want to give up and lie in bed all day thinking about how useless I am. And I am so sorry that anyone else has to feel the same xx