New to site - concerned about pain during sex


I’m new to the site and was wondering if anyone could ease some of my concerns.

It's a bit of a long story.

I had a diagnostic laparoscopy a few months ago by a private specialist which confirmed endometriosis which I’ve likely been suffering from for about 4-5 years. The laparoscopy indicated I have stage 1 endometriosis – I have it on my ovaries and the Pouch of Douglas, I have a cervical ectropian, very engorged pelvic veins (the biggest the specialist had ever seen apparently), and lots of scarring on my peritoneum and uterus. And I’m in a lot of pain all the time – it certainly makes university a different experience to what it should be.

My main concern is the endometriosis that’s on the Pouch of Douglas, due to the association of that with pain during intercourse, which my GP warned me about. I’m 20 and am still a virgin (very innocent to all of that stuff), but I met a guy a few months back around the time I got diagnosed. It’s long distance because we’re ages away because I’m at university, but he’s been so amazing helping me come to terms with everything. I explained to him the problems I’m likely to face with anything intimate because of all of this, and he’s been really nice saying that there are alternatives and I shouldn’t feel like there’s anything wrong with me because of this.

But I’m desperately afraid of what the pain would be like when I do eventually have sex. I don’t even use tampons, so I don’t have any idea what to expect. Nothing’s going to happen for a while, everything’s moving quite slowly because of the distance, but I’m scared about how it will be when it eventually does happen. I can’t talk to my friends or my mum about this because they don’t understand and there’s nothing they can do to help.

I was wondering if any of you have been in my position at all – where you were diagnosed with endometriosis or experienced the symptoms of it before you had actually had sex for the first time. I think my problem now is that I’ll essentially be going into it expecting to experience pain, which I think is worrying me even more. I don’t know what to do.

Any help would be greatly appreciated x

2 Replies

  • Hi there. I know how easy it can be to worry about the unknown, but try to remember that you might not find sex painful at all - there is some association between PoD endo and pain in sex, but that doesn't mean it affects everyone. Also, anxiety itself can make it painful and difficult! It's good that you have been able to talk to your boyfriend about this. When the right time comes, just enjoy it, and if anything is painful you can pull back from it. Bear in mind as well that if you have an intact hymen, the first time can be a bit sore for that reason. Good luck!

  • Hi

    Thanks so much for the response.

    I do have a tendency to worry about things unnecessarily; it's just that all of this is quite scary and I've felt quite alone with it all and I've felt like it's ruining experiences for me already (university), so I was worried about it ruining that as well.

    What you've said is encouraging though - thank you! : )


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