So fed up

[pokkaa]

Hello,

I started having extreme pains about 5 years ago. The pains were completely random and not at specific times during my cycle. I have often ended up calling an ambulance as a cocktail of over the counter drugs did not reach the level of pain.

I was told it was 'ovulation pains' first...a lot of 'is it just period pains?' (*&%^$^!!)...needless to say the search went on, and I was finally put on a 'non urgent' waiting list to see a gyne on the NHS. I had been waiting for nearly 2 years when one of the worst pain episodes forced me to go and see a gyne privately. He diagnosed me with endometriosis and said it looked quite severe. All in all it took 4 years to diagnose and I know that is not too bad compared to most ladies.

Now I know endo can only be formally diagnosed with the operation. When the pains started to happen I was a size 14/16. Now, 5 years on I am a size 22 and the gynecologist says I am too overweight for the operation. This saddens me...I try and try to loose the weight, I usually keep it going for a couple of weeks just after my period when my energy goes up. But the 2 weeks before my period I am so so tired, crave food, my appetite gets out of control and the diet and exercise go out the window. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place as I would love to just go ahead with the operation.

I often wonder if I am just being lazy and lacking will power, i talk myself down a lot, I feel guilty when I am exhausted and end up lying down. I feel like I am in a bad rut with no way out. My mood plummets for 2 weeks of the month. I feel like I am on some sort of rollercoaster that never stops. I would just like to be the person I was before those devilish pains ever happened. I feel like people think I am being lazy and not getting a grip on things. People say things like 'when I have my period I feel tired too' but they don't really understand the level of fatigue.

Thankfully the debilitating pains have ceased for about 6 months now. I had a bad flare up 2 days ago, but instead of being intense contraction like pains that last for an hour and send me into a&a the pains are now less intense (still need to lie down and get the codeine in) and they are longer. They leave me with strange cramps all over my abdomen, painful urination and painful bowel movements. I feel like the endo is doing something else and I wish I could just look into my abdomen and see what is going on down there!

Not being able to have an operation that would improve my life feels like a failure, If I was diagnosed earlier I would of being able to go ahead. But the weight has crept up on me...

I'm sorry for this random rant but today is a bad day...

[kagz]

So sorry to hear this I no the feeling very well x