Due to have a laparotomy next May to remove adenomyoma and endo.
Had 4 laparoscopies over the last five years. Next op been warned may end up having to do hyst when they're in there if things go wrong. Understandably upset about this.
Ttc since May this year, 1 miscarriage, feeling under pressure and like I'm running out of time. Endo had gone bonkers since being off the pill so I'm actually feeling really poorly and sore most of the time too, having difficulty walking etc. Frequent sex making it worse.
Myself and the hubby have been avoiding going out and socialising because a number of close friends are pregnant. I really don't know what to say to anyone about what we're going through and feel like if anyone asks me how I am I'll burst out crying.
I'm feeling incredibly upset and angry. One of the girls kept asking us out places so I said I'd do lunch and now feel stressed that I'll get upset or say the wrong thing. My husband doesn't get how I feel or why I get so stressed or why I would find it hard to be around pregnant people. (it's not just the pregnant bit - the docs can't give me the treatment I need specifically because I don't have children yet, so it's like my failure is a barrier to my own care).
He's called my attitude disgusting because I said I didn't think it was fair for a couple we know to be expecting when they aren't married, the guy has cheated and she drank heavily in early pregnancy.
Why can't my husband see I'm being judgemental and lashing out mainly because I'm frightened and upset myself. And maybe I do feel it's unfair to have to go through all of this too when we have put in so much effort.
I really miss having some sort of a normal life and commonality with other people. I miss going out as a couple and having fun, it's like we're hiding from others to avoid the whole why don't you have kids conversation and endless amounts of baby talk. It honestly feels like we are in an airraid bunker waiting for overhead fire to stop. The emotional aspect and finding things difficult socially on top of physical pain and all the doctor drama is just too much. I really relied on my social network as a way to relax before all the baby stuff started and now it's just intolerable.
How can I find a way through this and how do you keep a marriage strong and find some normality a couple in this situation?
Thanks in advance xx