How do you ladies cope when you hear that you're friends are falling pregnant?

Hi Ladies,

This morning on my way in to work my other half text me to tell me that our newly wed friends are pregnant and had their first scan yesterday - they got married on valentines day this year and have been trying ever since. I have been on the edge of bursting into tears since he told me at 7:30am.

I'm torn between happiness for them and sickness at not knowing my abilities. I've had Endo (successfully treated and removed) and also have Adeno (the gps don't think I'm ovulating either). I had the coil removed last week because of it affecting my moods and I've bled every day since...

On a day to day basis I don't give my fertility any thought, I don't see the point and it genuinely doesn't bother me. However on hearing this news I've had a permanent lump in my throat and a constant sickness feeling in the pitt of my stomach. I know as soon as I go home and hug my partner I'll burst into tears

I'm glad my other half told me, I wouldn't want to be kept in the dark but I wish and wish he'd have thought about it and waited until I was in the comfort of my own home.

What's done is done thought so my question is - how do you ladies handle these situations when you're first told? Once I'm home tonight I'll have my moment and then move on but how do you go about not letting it eat at you for hours on end until you have that release?

My Mam adopted me when she 30 after having a full hysterectomy at 28 through the damage endo had caused (such a small world!). I phoned her and she was very empathic then we discussed the Guide Dogs program that was on last night. It helped for a split second but it just wasn't enough.

Please help. I don't like not being able to control how i feel and deal with things xx

4 Replies

  • Hi Lovely,

    It's a hard thing to swallow. I understand. I am always genuinely happy and over the moon for my friends when they fall pregnant and just think that in the future, when it's time, it will hopefully be me. However, a few months ago my cousin who is a few years younger than me, told me she was pregnant. Her and I are really close and I was happy for her but for some reason this one announcement in particular REALLY gave me that punched in the gut feeling. At the time I was waiting for surgery to remove endo which finally happened 4 weeks ago. Before that, I was never really sure whether or not I'd be able to conceive naturally. During the surgery my tubes and ovaries were dye tested and are clear so once I'm healed I hope to start trying for a family of my own. I suppose I dealt with it this way: at first I was so shocked, saddened and a bit 'that should be me' about it. I didn't mean to come across as selfish (and I didn't let her know I felt that way!) and I was happy for her but I guess I thought I would be first. After talking to my husband about it and my best friend and having a small pity party for myself I decided I was just not going to be anything more than happy for her because what beautiful thing it is to be welcoming a new baby into the family. I was eventually asked to be Godmother as well! So excited. I hope you start to feel better soon hun! I know its hard and there is a war going on inside. Take the time that you need to go through these emotions and let them out. Take care xx

  • Good morning :)

    Thank you for your reply. It's so frustrating not being able to get a grip and take control of my emotions. I ended up trying everything to stop myself from crying but in the end the tears fell unwantingly. I wish there was something I could do to stop that feeling. If I were at home it would be fine, I could have my moment but at work its ridiculously inappropriate.

    The pregnancy came as no surprise, we knew they were trying and even though it was meant to be a 'secret' it wasnt very well hidden by the constant rubbing of the belly, so really the confirmation wasn't a shock, it was more the shock of being told.

    I'm truly happy for them i really am. I reckon its the fear of the unknown causing this reaction. For all i know I could catch on the first attempt haha!! But the not knowing makes these situations tough.

    Think I'm going to have a pity party for one when i get home, just for half an hour then I'll be back to normal.

    I've a banging headache now from the crying. They just wouldnt stop.

    You're right in that I need to let my emotions out, it just goes against my normal defence mechanism lol!

    Good look with God Parent-Hood! I hope that you recover quickly from surgery and you see some major improvements :) xx

  • OOooo being at work and trying not to completely lose it is so hard. I remember one day (for a different reason) having to keep going to the toilet and trying to not come out looking like a complete mess! I feel for you hun. Let it out though. What you are feeling it totally legitimate and this disease is such a roller coaster of emotions! Message me anytime you feel the need to rant or let it out! I can totally empathize! I hope you are starting to feel better xx

  • I think you need to just tell yourself that you are spending valuable time worrying and being upset about something which isn't a problem right now. You're not trying to get pregnant but it's the fear that you might not be able to.

    I am exactly the same, I freaked out over the news story this week over complications and felt 'why me'. Had a good cry and have now resolved to worry about it as and when the time comes that I want to get pregnant.

    I have a tendency to get quite upset about potential problems and my husband made me realise that I need to save those tears for if and when I need them! xx

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