Needing a friendly ear... am I going mad??

[knoxy]

Hi ladies.... im a sufferer of endo/andymiosis for 10years+ i am 30 in june. Four years ago we had our one shot at ivf.... fell pregnant but miscarried at seven weeks. This I thought was the hardest time of my life....I was wrong. I had another lap feb 2013 to discover one of ny tubes had unblocked giving me a glimme of hope so i decided to come off all treatment and try and conceive naturally. Last june two weeks before my birthday o found out i was pregnant after awful tummy cramps and something not feeling quite right. I was excited things were looking up but i had a feeling in the pit of my stomach three days later after getting a scan i was correct it was eptopic. Now this was the heartbreaking as they told me there was a heartbeat and i knew when this baby was due the due date was the end of jan....... now to make matters worse ive had a bad couple of weeks all symptoms of being pregnant.... nausea... late period.... feeling dizzy.... stomach cramps i decided to do a test last night it was negative. Im just so down and wondering if im the only person whose mind does this. I just feel i must of done something bad in a past life and my body is playing some crappy games with me. Im gutted all the time my biggest dream is to be a mummy. Sorry for the long winded story my partner is fantastic just sometimes need to rant xx

[Hells83bells]

You rant away hun. Sounds like you have been through a lot and you're def not going mad. I don't think there is one women out there who isn't trying this doesn't convince themselves they are pregnant every month. I find it frustrating because the period symptoms are so similar to pregnancy symptoms. So everytime I get sore boobs, cramping, tinkling nipples... I think ooooo am I pregnant. Turns out not and I'm just due on! I must have spent hundreds on pregnancy tests over the last year! It got to the point when I would go to a different chemist to buy them because I didn't want them to think I was totally crazy ha ha. So big hugs to you, you're not alone and I hope now you know you're not crazy... Well if you are, you're amongst lots of other crazys x

[Elwood]

You are definitely not going mad. I'm so sorry, you have been through so much, all I can offer is a friendly cyber hug and a supportive ear if you need it. I haven't been in your shoes yet but me and hubby plan to try next year and I am terrified. I do feel exactly the same sometimes, I have low "why me" points, I have angry moments when I hear of people falling pregnant accidentally multiple times and sometimes I do feel I am going a little bonkers! Sometimes I wonder though that what we go through makes us who we are and makes us really strong.

Keep yer chin up chook, wishing you all the luck in the world xxx

[knoxy]

Thank you both for your kind words been docs today and i have a infection. I just think sometimes sometimes u need outsiders who go through the same feelings/thoughts . My partners fab but i tried to speak to my boss/friend and although she said she knew what i meant she said she couldnt really understand cos she had a son and has never had that option. I think i'm just letting things get to me cos i could of been a mum this week if it had all gone to plan xx

[endopains]

You poor love. There is no way you deserve this. Someone put it to me that the babies we lose are the babies that knew they couldn't be with us long but they wanted to be our family for that short time. Still hurts worse than dynamite in your womb. I found it so hard to concieve afterwards, I was really stressed and felt like a huge let down to everyone. That's the thing, everyone around you knows just how important they are to you and if you're like my family they cannot understand infertility, they just look at each other and they have a baby. I gave up and went to my gp for tests. By the time of the test I was convinced I was pregnant. The doctor told me there's no way I could concieve I'm not ovulating so that winded me all over again. So then I was waiting and waiting on my period to start clomid. My period just didn't come. I'm pregnant! I'm so happy. Every month you hold on to some glimmer of hope and it hurts all the more when your period comes. Every woman does that. But the infertile will never be understood by the fertile. They can't, lucky bastards. I hope you will get your rainbow baby. You are allowed to ask for help. Do you still have 2 tubes? I don't. Do you still have a chance naturally? Xxx