Final hope of ever having a baby gone

36 years of painful periods, 12 years of fertility treatment with no success, and now facing the daunting prospect of a total hysterectomy due to severe and widespread endometriosis on top of years of hormonal problems due to PCOS. Has anyone been through the same and have you any coping tips on how to prepare for the final nail in the coffin for never being a mum? Thank you in advance.

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  • Hello Elaine, I'm so sorry to read about everything you have gone through. I've wrote several responses and deleted them as I just don't know what the right thing to say is. I hope you will find some peace in whatever route your journey takes you. Xxx

  • Dear Elaine

    I feel your pain because I am in exactly the same place as you. It hurts and I don't know the answer. I have always tried to keep busy but after an extra hectic year the things I did to distract myself have gone wrong too

    It feels like everything I touch lately goes wrong. Work, voluntary work, friendships.

    AND I'm fed up with people telling me it will be okay when I'm better. They don't get that I won't get better! I'm not being negative I'm being honest.

    I appreciate that people are not being unkind they simple don't understand. It doesn't help though does it.

    So sorry that I can't offer any advice other than keep strong and keep going. I am going to focus on the people that have tried to understand and do what I can to educate others. We can't change our situation but maybe we can help advise those that are younger and are just starting out on their endo journey.

    I wish I had focused on the adoption route earlier rather than waste time with IVF.

    The future...... Gardening!

    Finding a safe place to cry would be good too, thinking of you Elaine and others like us

    Penny xxx

  • Thank you Penny for sharing your situation with me. I ran a hospital support group for IVF for quite a few years. Sad to say, I was the one left behind without a baby and everyone else has been successful. They've all moved on with their lives now they are parents.

    We've just moved 240 miles away to a large house with land so I can try to fill my life with children substitutes such as cats, chickens, gardening and maybe a dog when I have physically recovered from the operation.

    We tried adoption after 5 cycles of IVF and lots of frozen embryo cycles. I can honestly say that the adoption process was dreadful. It is almost designed to split up couples. For the sake of our marriage, we had to forego the adoption process.

    Everything in my life comes as a poor second choice to being a Mum. It definitely does not fill the void. Work, social life and events all seem shallow. I am a very strong person but childlessness is a particularly cruel hand to be dealt.

    You are dead right when you say that other people simply do not understand unless they are wearing the same shoes as you. I am sad that you are in the same position as I am but at least we know that we are not alone.

    Big, empathetic hugs and I'love let you know if I ever find a wonderful child substitute.

    ElaineRR

  • Thanks Elaine

    Sounds like you are very strong indeed and have tried your best to help others as well as yourself. The adoption route would have broken my marriage which is utterly ridiculous.

    I went out for a short walk with the music blaring and stopped to check my messages. I cried.

    So much for me making an effort and putting on some make up today!

    I feel so much for you I really do. Please keep in touch, Penny xxx

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