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Endometriosis UK
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Why is sex so difficult?

I am sitting down stairs with my cup of tea feeling sorry for myself. Why is it so difficult to have sex with the man I love. Don't know if its the endo or the injections that have thrown me into the menopause. Anyone got any suggestions? Thankfully painfulsex wasn't one of my endo symptoms but now, I just don't know.

Mrs Confused

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Well I have a problem with myself since I been diagnose and I am abit scared to have sex as I think it gonna hurt me as I havent got a fella yet so I'm worries if I meet one and they like to have sex... I haven't had one yet since I been diagnosed... so for u, u need to ask your partner to do it slowly until u t comfortable and if not and try lubricate gel instead of condom or seek help on the internet to see if anything helped x

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Hi there, I have always had problems with sex. I have been with my partner 6 years he's been there all the way through endo with me. Sex is hard for me it has always been a issue. Some days it's beta than others. Ur partner needs to b as to understand u may get pain and it may reli Hirt at times. He needs to b gentle with u exspecially until u are relaxed and it isn't as painful. Foreplay helps a lot for u to lubricated - this makes it easier. Try to use different positions and find the positions that best suit u so u are in less pain. X

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I have similar problems - very painful, burns/stings mostly on entry making it difficult to carry on. I literally went to the docs yesterday about it again and she has given me Gynest cream to try to help. Not convinced it will, but happy to give it a go. It's very frustrating and of all the symptoms this is the one I'm not prepared to give up on. Hope you find something that helps soon.

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Heya I have the same problem too. I find it very painful most times, which really puts me off. I'm getting so fussy about the how and when of it that it doesn't happen very much at all. I also find I'm so tired by the pain that I can't face it by the time we actually get time. I feel terrible about it, but my husband is quite understanding and assures me it's ok. I agree with Dancer53 - foreplay helps a lot, as does some good quality lube. It's worse on entry but sometimes the whole way through is painful and afterwards too. I hope you manage to sort it out. Xx

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Hi I found sex very painful,when I had a hystercomy thought it would all change,but then got very dry,then started other symptoms lost my vision in right eye,after a barrage of tests was diagnosed with M.S .I am now so fatigued,so instead of having sex we have oral,which he likes and I can cope with.Some people will find it yucky,but its give and take in all relationships,as long as my man is happy and I feel that he needs me,foreplay couldnt deal with because of nuero-pathic pain,but it has taken a while to find a happy medium within our relationship.Crystalgirl

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GnRH drugs stop all natural lubrication to the vagina, so any sex which is not supplemented by sufficient lubrication gel is going to injure the vagina surface simply by rubbing it raw inside.

Such injury will cause adhesions which in due course can make having sex whether lubricated or not, painful as the adhesions are stretched to breaking point.

So if you must have sex while on the drug, use extra lube in addition to relying on the lube with condom. KY Jelly that sort of thing. You might also want to consider using moisturisers like Replens, to keep the vaginal walls topped up, to offset the moisture loss from de-activated glands and excessive sweating from hot flushes. Keep hydrated drinking lots more fluids, but extra help is needed down below to keep that area working too... if you are going to use it..

It is a faff, and the alternative is to abstain till you're off the drugs, as said above try other ways too. Lubrication does return down below after the drugs are out of your system and your body temperature regulation returns and you're not dehydrating all the time... until you get past natural menopause or have surgical menopause, which puts you back in the same boat as far as loss of natural lubrication is concerned.

If you were not having problems with painful sex before the GnRH drugs then almost certainly it is the effects of the drug that has caused this issue now.

If sex was painful before the drug, then that would indicate you already had adhesions on the interior and exterior vaginal wall. Or also on or around the cervix. and the drug will exacerbate any existing problems if you don't lubricate sufficiently for the sex act.

Whatever you do, avoid injuring the vaginal wall while on the drug, by having sex without extra lube as those tiny injuries will lead to problems later on as they scar up with little strands of scar tissue (the dreaded adhesions)

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Hi aabb, I have not been diagnosed yet (awaiting date for Lap) nor am I taking any GnRH drugs and I found penetrative sex painful too. Only managed this twice in 7mths. There are plenty of other ways though to connect with your partner/lover/hubby as long as they are gentle. And I agree with what the other ladies have said too, with so much pain and emotion going on in our lives we need to feel loved and desired still. So try not to give up.

I have felt ugly, old, depressive, an emotional wreck even suicidal, in pain and disabled for so very long but the only thing that goes some way to making me feel ok, is the love and sex between my partner and I. He still says I am sexy even with a big bloated belly which actually becomes more bloated after orgasm. We laugh about it and I say "look you've made me pregnant". lol. Sorry to be so intimate but my heart goes out to you, please try not to stress.

I am sure you will find a way that suits you best, good luck and have as much fun as possible trying.

Take care of you xxx

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Thank you all for your advice and kind words. I will take on board everything that has been mentioned.

Mrs Confused

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