Thinking to much and can't stop

Hi, I'm a 42 black guy, was married for 13 years and now seperated for about 2. The marriage failed due to a few things one of them my issue of not being able to keep or get erection at time. My issue are my thought I think way to much about not performing or start to think thoughts like "I hope this doesn't happen again" and then it does. I will love to find someone or be in a relationship again but I know I have to fix this issue before that happens because it will be someone new in my life. Sure we'll will get to know one another and it may a while before it's get to sex but I'm thinking about it so much now and I that's not good.

So is there anyone that went through this issue or has any advice on how to help me to focus on the correct thoughts?

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9 Replies

  • Thinking too much about this is a killer , take it from me - that will kill off an erection faster than e.d , try to relax & a partner who is understanding & patient is massive help, but even with that - I fail still now & wont lie - it kills me , but don't give up - the e.d. Is bad enough without what you think killing it too, keep at it - good luck

  • Thanks for the advice, but I will be starting a new relationship and I'm not sure the women of today are that understanding and patient. One they see you have issues of this nature they just forget you. I was lucky my ex wife stayed for as long as she did but in the end she still found someone else.

  • I know it's scary cos when this happens - we are devastated for us but we're also thinking of what our partner is thinking , I know it sounds like a cliche but talking about it does help with your partner , sometimes if - they start themselves - it takes bit of pressure off you & it should also turn you on to join in - good luck

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  • If there are no health issues that could be causing this, then you have lost confidence in your self to perform. You said you had been married 13 years. Is this the only person you have been with sexually? It is possible your ex partner has said something to you about your manhood that could be causing your problem, and when it comes time to perform, subconsciously that comes to play. It might not happen with the right person, so I would give that a try with someone else, and try longer foreplay. You just need to get your confidence back some way. Maybe talk to some one like a sex therapist, that might help.

    G'Luck, some times the wrong partner could be the underlying issue.

  • Brother; married for 30 years, PE and and now ED. I freaked out and looked for immediate fix's. I slowed down, started breathing, focused on getting healthy, mind, body and soul. Focused on internal peace and creating a good balanced vibe to make a real connection with my wife. I've regained partial erections (80% or so), more importantly is my mind set is working towards a better version of myself every day. Ralph Smart - Infinite Waters has helped me get balanced. You Tube videos on how to be confident, how to be a caring great lover being there for her has been an eye opener as well. I've spent 30 years focusing on my penis instead of focusing on my myself - internal peace to make a real sustainable connection with my wife.

  • Thanks for all the great advice, at one point I thought some thing was really wrong with me my confidence dropped drastically, but coming here was a eye opener and I wish I can here sooner. I will everything and take all this great advice seriously.

  • I did a few times in the past. We went away to a nice hotel like place that had a pool and hot tub in the room that was very romantic. Went with the idea of mainly "loving touching and squeezing" as the song goes. When there is the stimulation without expectations, the mental theropy begins. I can add that it is a rough thing to live with but can be done. My first time was in my 20s.

  • Here are ways to improving your stamina in the sac while focusing on what's important—your partner.

    Free your mind If you want to last long in bed then free your mind from all sexual expectations. Expectations put unnecessary pressure on your performance.

    A Bigger Belly

    Men, size does matter when it comes to sex. The bigger the belly, the better the lover, according to a 2010 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Overweight men with obvious bellies lasted an average of 7.3 minutes compared to their thinner counterparts. The researchers found more belly fat means the man has more estradiol, the female sex hormone, which helps inhibit orgasm.


    A somewhat dramatic solution is adult circumcision, or the removal of foreskin. Circumcision can desensitize penis. But if not done correctly, it could backfire. According to a 2011 study, incomplete circumcision can actually cause premature ejaculation.

    Kegel exercises

    If you experience ED or PE then kegels can be used in combination with medical treatments such as herbal supplements. Kegel exercises are a method to strengthen pelvic floor muscles created by Dr. Arnold Kegel in the 1940s and are primarily used by women for improved urinary control. Kegel exercises are also used by men for the same reason, to obtain improved bladder control.

    Recently, some therapists and sexologists have been advocating Kegel exercises (often called pelvic floor exercises) in order to improve sexual dysfunctions including erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. For PE, the theory is that strong pelvic floor muscles can inhibit the ejaculatory reflex and delay ejaculation

    Vegetarian Diet

    Vegetarians are known for their strong stance on dairy and meat intake, including their stamina and energy in bed. A vegan diet that is high in fruit content can provide more sustainable energy that will not lead to the often seen “sugar crash” from processed sugar. For example, a banana is high in potassium, a nutrient that helps in sex-hormone production and boosts energy.

    Tests have shown that vegetarians have twice the stamina of meat eaters. A study published in the Yale Medical Journal compared meat-eating athletes to vegetarians and near-vegetarians, half of whom were sedentary.


    Antidepressant medications known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can sometimes be used to treat premature ejaculation, says Asandra.

    Some supplements that works great in lasting longer in bed is supplements like VigRx (,

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