I am 23 years of age and from the age of 5 ive always felt guilty and hated.
i have not had a good relationship with my mother throughout my life ( was not abused) we never clicked together. i can remember been aged about 8 and thinking about killing my self. I have always felt like that since then when ever i got in to arugments etc with my mother. i think when i was like 10-11 i actually tried to hang my self in my room with a scarf but it kept slipping off the curtain rail. i havent seen my mum for other 4 years now. i always feel that everyone hates me and i must please everyone. i always feel like something bad is always going to happen and its going to be my self. some times i think about people dieing in my family and what would happen when they did and it upsets me. i always feel alone. outside to people i am happy out going person but deep down i hate my self.
i look in the mirror and hate the way i look even tho i know nothing is wrong with me. my mother used to call me names a lot when i was younger and pick faults but i release now im a adult that you shouldnt do that to children.
i always feel like people are staring at me and judging me. ive only ever had long term relationships and when i am in one i always feel like they r seeing someone else and i deserve it. feeling like this doesnt effect my work but sometimes my social life as i feel if i go out people will look at me.
i find it hard to sleep sometimes and worry over little things over and over.
i go to work worried ive left something on and my house will be on fire.