I've just spent the last hour in a fantasy in which I was distraught and finally comforted by someone - a particular person who is a father figure for me. I wish reality was as helpful as fantasies sometimes are. Now I feel exhausted. I'm going through another episode of breakdown feelings, seem to cry or be close to tears all the time, write to the person which stops me for a while, stop writing and cry again. It never ends. I can still smile, but it's all so draining.