Still feeling weird

[Lush__x]

So been at home a few days now and i feel like i want to be back in london, even though i no if i was in london id want to be home =S

Cried for the 1st time on friday, was ready to go out for tea with a friend and had done my make up so just leaned forward and cried onto my bed so it didnt ruin my make up.

Went out for tea and was picked up....only problem was we took the route me and my ex would when he used to come pick me up of a friday so that was hard then went into the town where he lives and i had to see places we had been before. It was killing me inside and kept saying to my friend "oh me and tom have been there" etc.

It was good being out but it was still there at the back of my mind.

Went shopping yesterday in manchester with another friend and got a few piercings (i have 14 in total!) and spent alot on clothes. went for tea with my friend then went out to get ready to go on a night out with her and a few lads we used to work with.

Me and one of the lads have a bit of history and he spent the whole night talking to me and trying it on so i didnt kiss him or anything but he kept sort of kissing my face and neck etc so he just wore me down in the end and was just letting him do it.

My ex said if i did anything with anyone else after we split then he would never get back with me. and i said i had no intentions and i didnt but now i feel so guilty and he would be upset if he knew and id be upset if i knew he was doing anything.

I was doing so well in the week and since ive come home ive just been down and fed up.

Going back the doctors tomorrow as they need to check on you when you change pills and ive not had chance since ive been in london. so ill mention how i feel but not really alot they can do about it.

on a plus side ive lost about 3 dress sizes since being depressed since october. i am now a size 10!

[Suzie40]

Are you hoping Tom will ak you back out?

[Lush__x in reply to Suzie40]

i dont no what i want any more, i just want the horrible feelings to go away but it doesnt stop the problems we had and the fact i dont think it could work in the long run. we just clash but i so wanted it to work and i think its such a shame its all gone, all those memories and things we had planned

[Photogeek]

Hi Lush, its a very difficult time, getting over a breakup. I think you are doing great considering everything. You were great to make the effort and go out with your friends, dont feel too guilty about snogging someone else. Its not a crime, and it should not matter now what he said about not getting back with you because of it. At that rate you would never have another boyfriend in the hope of he might come back. You have good insight into why the relationship didnt work, and maybe keep that in mind when you feel torn.

I have been through this myself years ago and it was hard, but it gets easier, as life happens. Keep going and look after yourself, you have all your life ahead and everyone deserves a good relationship. Dont settle for anything less. Talk to your Doctor too about what your going through, as it will help him to understand whats going on. Big hug to you and look after yourself.

Kind regards

Hannah