Do I have depression?

For the past 2-3 years I've been feeling 'down'

When I was 15 was the worst as I did seriously concsider suicide and starved myself as a form of self-harm. I also went mute becuase I had forgotten how to hold a conversation and was terrified of being in friendship groups over about 2 people. All this was after systematic bullying from my freindship group of 4 years.

I got myself a better friendship group now and to some extent did get better but I still can't be with people too long before getting unhappy and panic if I'm with a group of people who all know each other well when I don't.

I also still have days when I can't hold a conversation and have to inflict minor pain (i.e. digging nails into palm) to stop myself crying at random points in the day. I've started self-starving and cutting again and enjoy it because it's something I'm doing but no one's noticed. My school work is going down the drain and at this rate I'll never get into the universities I want to because all I want to do is sleep, except I can't so I distract myself with reading/tv except I can't really focus on either for too long.

And sometimes I feel so down I get stomach pains and shortness of breath, like panic attacks and I just want it all to stop.

I don't want to die I just want to sleep and for it all to go away

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7 Replies

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  • Go to your doctor and tell them they may need to refer you onto a mental health team for ways to deal with the panic and the self harming, in the meantime they can probably give you some form of medication that will help calm the panic down and they may even give you a short course of sleeping tablets to try and get your sleeping back into the correct pattern

    Focus on what you want to achieve and take the steps towards it, it may only be baby steps but as long as your moving in the right direction then that is what is most important, do you have a good family that you are able to talk to and that would be supportive.

    Its hard and a long road ahead but you have done really well and taken the biggest step which is to identify it and reach out and ask for help therefore its fixable as you want to fix it and see the problem

    Helen

    xx

  • During the first major 'dip' I didn't even know there was something wrong with suicidal thoughts and was told by my mum to 'cheer up' - going to a doctor is seen as weak by her (she recognized I was unhappy before I did) and I don't really see my dad enough to talk about stuff like this with him .

    I don't trust my friends because look what happened last time? Plus they never notice anything (half didn't bother acknowledging my birthday) but I'm worried if I go to a doctor they'll just tell me the same thing too, to just 'get over it' and it's just teenage angst.

    I'm worried if they put me on a form of medication I'll become addicted to it, do they look out enough to stop that happening?

    By the way, thank you for answering xx

  • I agree with the person above, I would suggest seeing your GP/Doctor. I just made this account to reply to your post. It took me about 2 years to see my GP just because I was taken there by someone but it was a good step to take. The GP will not judge you for anything - they are there to help and that is what they will do. My first visit was just a small chat and he arranged another one in a weeks time for me to think about what I think would help me because you have to help them to help you. And then it just went from there. They will NEVER give you medication, like tablets, unless they think it is necessary. But I suppose you can always refuse to take them if you don't think it'll help you.

    Also, do tell your friends. As weird as that sounds I know its one of those things where you think if they notice then it shows that they care, but that isn't the case. Remember people around you may be going through the same things and sometimes can't see things or notice things that you do. I promise that if you tell the one person who you trust most about what is going on they will be supportive. I used to do that, I had cuts all over my body and I had blood stains on my clothes and no one noticed. Not because they didn't care it was because they genuinely did not notice. And if they did they didn't know what to say/do and thought it would be better if they didn't bring it up because I wouldn't want to talk about it.

    If your friends are telling you to 'get over it' then I suggest you find someone to talk to who will actually listen. I mean I've just come on this site but it seems like a good place for support.

    Most importantly, try and think positive and look after your physical well-being. As in do some exercise (trust me it really helped me) and try and keep an eye on your diet. If your not looking after yourself - i.e. starving yourself like you mentioned - it will only make things harder for you.

    But again all the above is from my opinion and experiences. If you want to chat some more feel free to ask :)

    Jeeten.

  • I think thats a great answer Jeeten. I agree with everything you have said.

    Bev x

  • Remember as well you don't need to tell your mum that you've gone to the doctor. You can make an appointment and its all confidential :)

    Is there no person you can talk to in the friendship group? Perhaps there's another member of your family, brother, sister,cousin? Or even a teacher?

  • Remember as well you don't need to tell your mum that you've gone to the doctor. You can make an appointment and its all confidential :)

    Is there no person you can talk to in the friendship group? Perhaps there's another member of your family, brother, sister,cousin? Or even a teacher?

  • Thanks everyone, I've been to my doctor (she's really nice) and I talked to my brothers, turns out my older one is seeing his GP for depression too and the younger used to self-harm. Guess it runs in the family...

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