People must be addicted to letting me down or something?

[rednblack]

My whole life, because of my depression, I have felt as if life is just an empty boring cycle that just drags on soullessly. the one thing that has always made me feel like life is more enjoyable and spontaneous and fun, has been making music, I can play the guitar, the bass, the piano, and I can rap, sing, and death scream, but every time I have tried to start a music project with someone, they have either never turned up to practice, quit on me, or straight up told me they didnt want to bother.

I have joined several music courses at college, but I never really got on amazingly with the other students, I didnt make any enemies or anything, but people just didnt really want much to do with me.

I have tried to do things solo, but it has never worked due to the fact that I find it incredibly mundane and I have never been able to make alot of progress because I dont know how to record, and even if I did then I wouldnt particularly want to because as I said earlier, I find it incredibly mundane.

Is there any way that I can actually bring music into my life properly? because I'm literally on the verge of just saying f*** it, giving up, and living a uneventful depressing life as per usual.

[Jeffju]

I am just watching a programe on tv where kids from a very poor area are being taught violin, cello etc. is there anyway that you could teach music to kids like this that normally wouldn't get a chance??? Or maybe give paid lessons and see the joy in kids or adults when they actually master a tune. Just an idea. Good luck. Kids love rapping too........

[Suzie40]

Jeffu's idea is an excellent one. Teaching a skill to little people is a highly rewarding experience and through taking part in something, you might find more like minded people. Hope you're ok x

[Photogeek]

Ah good to hear your views, I used to play the Violin when I was a kid, and now at 63 I have taken it up again. Life is mundane, unfortunately, and its made up of mundane and boring , but it has great parts too. If we had happiness everyday and high energy etc, we would not appreciate it, View life as a "Tapestry" please listen to the Carol King song Tapestry, and you will get the drift, Its only by feeling sad and ordinary sometimes, that we can appreciate the good bits. Maybe you need to improve your social skills, I think teaching music would be great, as kids especially love to learn. They will get you out of your rut, and enjoy your life. Please be thankful that you are musical, thats a big plus, learn to record, I have a Musician friend and he is always messing around with stuff. Good luck and hang on, talk again.

[Hidden]

Hi

My immediate response to the title of your blog without having read it yet, is that you are perhaps addicted to finding people who let you down. That suggests you were badly let down in the past. Do you know who first let you down? Now I'll read your blog!

I've read it now. It sounds like making music has been a way for you to try to relate to other people, to connect with people? If that's right then it may be that making music means something more, something different for you than it does for many people. You said you find life boring apart from the music and that makes me feel really sad. There is a whole world out there and yet you seem not able to enjoy it apart from the world of music. I agree music is one of my greatest sources of pleasure, but it isn't all of life. I wonder whether you are wanting music and the people you meet through music to be something else to you that is missing in your life and perhaps has been missing for a long time. You don't say how old you are but I wonder whether there has been something missing in your experiences within your family, whether you are depressed because certain of your emotional needs have not been well enough understood by your family. It sounds like you need to connect with people and want them to want to share your enjoyment but they don't and I wonder whether that's a familiar pattern that you felt when you were younger too, whether music filled the gap where other kinds of ways of relating should have been. It's great that you are able to play instruments etc and in time that may be something you can share but perhaps now you need to find out about your problems in engaging other people and to learn to ensure they do not let you down. I think therapy would be able to help you with that and your GP could refer you to the nearest psychotherapy service if you specifically ask for that.

It's sad when life is disappointing but it sounds as if you are young enough to do something to change the situation with help, so do seek that help if you feel able to.

Suexx