What should i do??????

[MCHAMMER82]

Currently I am really hating everything and I feel that I may be beyond help now as I don’t feel anything is helping as I have tried different medications and have seen a counsellor. I really don’t know what to do.

At the moment every day is getting worse as I am finding it extremely difficult to get into the early morning routine. At work every time I walk through the door I feel even worse as I hardly talk to anyone and it really hurts that I am isolating myself further and further away from people. I also feel like I don’t matter to anyone as when someone celebrates a big birthday then a collection is done and it feels like everyone gets something but me. I hate my job as I don’t feel as though I am getting challenged anymore and I am fed up with doing the same things day in day out. I also feel like I am taken for granted and have far too much to do.

Due to being off work last week I got an email telling me that I had to cover lunch for our receptionist as apparently ‘I didn’t take my turn’. I am also having to fit in getting letters finalised for the tax department, doing the daily banking and also collecting/dropping off the dx (internal mail system between offices) whilst other people just sit back chatting or make hot drinks. Apparently the director isnt happy with how long it is taking for typing to be returned and things to be signed off to go in the mail - hasnt she noticed that i am doing the best i can as i am currently the only one here. It isnt as if anyone else is offering to help me. it feels like i just cant do anything right at the moment.

I also feel that instead of people talking to me directly they will either use the phone to talk to me or send an email.

I want to try things but I think that I have already got it into my head that it will fail so it stops me from doing anything.

My partner has also given up his job on health grounds and I don’t know if he has done the right thing even though I told him that I would support him in any decision he made. I don’t want him to sit home and slip into this black hole that I am in. I just want him to be happy.

I just want to be free from all of this as I cant cope and when I am at work all I want to do is break down in tears and when I am with my partner I don’t know what to do with myself.

[Hidden]

Hi

I'm sorry you are finding things so hard! You are clearly under a lot of stress at work and also presumably feel stressed at home now you are expecting yourself to be able to support your partner but at the same time realise you need support too.

You say the director at work may not have noticed you are doing your best, but would she be at all sympathetic if she knew you were feeling unwell? I guess the first move would be to have the support of medics so if you have seen your GP that will help. If you are hating everything and feeling so negative and close to tears then you do need support, either from your GP or counsellor or possibly a good friend as you are in a difficult situation. My guess is that now your partner is not working you cannot afford to pay for counselling and there is a usually a long wiating time, so you may have to rule that out as a possible support in the immediate sense. Also you may feel that seeing your GP will only make things worse at work.

My way of dealing with it would definitely be to talk with the director about feeling so depressed and stressed, bringing in the home situation. If she is understanding and supportive then that will help and if she is not then the likelihood is that she would anyway have continued to feel a source of negative pressure for you. If she is not understanding then I would definitely seek help from the GP as then you have some legal footing if your director becomes really difficult. You say you are feeling that people are not approaching you directly but of course it is true that you are also not approaching them directly - the more honest you can be the more likely it is that your colleagues will be supportive, but if they really won't then the work situation is going to continue to be a source of stress and nothing will change that. I hope that doesn't make it sound too negative, but either the workplace is a decent one with some human care or it is not.

In terms of your partner, I do think you need to talk honestly with him. He may have given up his job on health grounds but you are also experiencing health problems right now. You don't say whether his health problems are psychological or physical and I guess that does make some difference, but either way you need his support in attitude if nothing else.

You say you just want him to be happy which makes it sound as if you put yourself second, don't value yourself very highly. I wonder whether that happens at work too, whether you allow yourself to be put upon rather than becoming assertive. If so then you need some assertiveness training at the very least. Your GP could refer you for CBT therapy which will give you back some control over aspects of your life. Tears are a sign of helplessness and you need support while you re-learn to support and care for yourself.

Suexxx

[missrat]

No one medication or style of counselling suits everyone, and it is well worth talking to your GP about possible changes. It has taken a lot of trial and error to get where I am now.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or, better still, Mindfulness-Based CBT may help you move forward.

Ann

xx