Three years ago my wife and i separated and following a highly traumatic divorce the judge awarded shared residency and my two children live with me for three days a week. I can't cope. I am unemployed, my ex-wife refused to share the child benefits so I cannot afford to look after my kids properly. i rent a two bed flat, my kids have a bedroom each, i sleep on the living room floor, i cannot afford the rent because housing benefit does not cover all the rent, I have been living on my credit cards but now i'm in £11,000 debt and my credit is running out. The stress is horrible. i can't sleep, i feel suicidal in the middle of the night, wake drenched in sweat all the time. i am so anxious it hurts my stomach. i am having a big problem with depression, i was on esa for nine months, but am now trying to get a job. I am/was an academic, there are no jobs in my field and the last office job i went for had 300 applicants. If i don't get a permanent full time job within the next six weeks I will lose this flat. I am terrified. I was drinking and smoking heavily for these three years, and using cannabis for about four months to self medicate/avoid the emotional pain/reality of my situation. I haven't had a drink or smoked cannabis in five weeks i haven't smoked in three weeks but my problems seem huge now that i am not using those crutches. i dont eat properly and am losing weight.
I think i need to get a single bed flat that housing benefit will cover, have my kids live with me less and just concentrate on looking after myself and getting myself well, mentally, emotionally and financially. I love them and they love me but if i don't do something i/we will end up on the street anyway.
I don't know what to do or who to talk to or what to do for the best. I've been to the GP for escitalopram. I don't have many friends and my confidence and self-esteem are shot.