I'm writing here aware that I might get told off for being unreasonable. I suffer from depression and have been taking medication for over a year. My main problem is very low self-esteem and dependence on acceptance from others. When people first meet me they think: what a pretty woman with a big smile! But..behind that smile I'm rotting. I destroy myself with most detrimental and self-demeaning thoughts, I constantly compare myself to others and every single little failure brings me down. I have recently been rejected by a man who seemed so interested in me but after a couple of romantic weekends decided I wasn't the one (he's my flat-mate as well..what an idiot am I, hey). Most people can deal with rejection in a couple of weeks, but I have been more and more down and it has started influencing my work and friendships. I'm just feeling so worthless! I cannot understand how one person can make me feel so low and down. It's like I'm dependant on love and acceptance from others. I'm in bed now, didn't go to work and cannot pull myself together. I know that my problems come from childhood experiences (I was rejected by a group of friends, my mum used to call me a monster sometimes (even though she loves me very much - there must have been a reason!) but is there a way to deal with self-destructive thoughts? There's also prevalent feeling of GUILT that comes with all this as there are people with such big problems that make mine just look hideous! I know that I have no right to suffer from depression but I'm unable to do stop it
Is there one person here with similar problem or am I the only idiot here..?