Is it just me?

I have a Facebook account, which I very rarely go on and only recently I decided to deactivate it. I then needed to get in touch with someone who fitted us some kitchen blinds, as I've managed to ruin them by hand washing them, so I need replacements. I found the only way I could get hold of him was through Facebook, so for a few moments I reactivated my account, and managed to send him a message. Whilst I was on there I thought I might go through my friends list and maybe just get rid of a lot as I never speak to them really. As I was doing so I clicked on a couple of 'friends' just to see what they've been up to, generally being nosey I suppose. How come, whenever I look on people's profiles, they have all these pictures of them having a fantastic time, going here, going there, going overseas, going out for dinners, getting dressed up and looking fantastic and seeming to be having the time of their lives with a loving husband by their side! My life doesn't seem ever to be like that. Maybe it's because I chose a guy who doesn't like going out, isn't bothered in socialising with others but who is a basic manual hard worker and just comes home at the end of the day tired and just wants to put his feet up? Not only that, I see pics of the women with groups of other women, going for trips overseas together, going to the theatre together etc etc. Why is it I feel so so alone and feel I don't have a life? In all honesty, in a way I suppose I'm just a jealous person. It just seems to unfair that I don't seem to have any of these things they have, in my life. Where did I go wrong? I have three wonderful children, all of whom I love dearly and two already grown up and left the nest. But how come my life seems to feel so shallow and empty. Sorry, I know I've gone on a bit, I now know why I wanted my account deactivated as it really upsets me to see a life out there that I don't seem to belong to. ☹️

28 Replies

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  • Dear Faceless65,

    The exact same thing happens to me when I go on Facebook. I thought I was the only one until I read some studies which prove FB can cause depression in some people.

    forbes.com/sites/alicegwalt...

    I quit reading FB almost completely. It's just healthier for me.

    Cordially,

    Sally in Vancouver, B.C.

  • I know how you feel. Looking at people's fun times can get you down but this is the danger of social media. You see all these pictures but how likely are people to share when they're having a bad time. People don't just take pictures of them sitting at home they post their highlights. You really have to be careful you don't take too much from it and think there's always another side to those pictures. I hope that makes sense.

  • They only post good times faceless65 they have and never the bad times and believe me they will have them .. Please try not to compare yourself with them .. Their life is not easy I guarantee .. We all have not so good days. I don't do Facebook for the negatives that go with it. And besides if they have time to post on Facebook , they really can't be having that much of a productive life .. This is the only social media I belong to .. I spend time on here as it is productive helping people :)

  • You can always discuss this with your husband and embark on some adventures!!

  • Thanks goldie11 ... it's certainly worth thinking about... thank you x

  • Thank you all for your messages. I know you are all right in what you say, I suppose that's the problem nowadays like you say with social media. I do understand what you're saying LibertyB about people not advertising their bad times. I like the fact that I've found this site and I like the way you spend your time helping people on here Satsuma. Maybe it's something I need to think more about too. Thank you for the link you sent isallylew , I might have a look at it. It's good that you're feeling a lot healthier from not looking at FB any longer, and I suppose I need to think about doing what's best for me and leaving the site too as it really does make me feel much worse.

  • Facebook is a lie!! If you looked on my profile you would believe that I lived a normal happy life with my friends, family and husband when the reality is I barely go out or see anyone. My husband is a bit boring but if we do something I'll post about it, I see my friends at a particular friends housr and normally sit in the corner quietly but will still get snapped with the others...I rarely feel the way my facebook shows me. Life is hard with social media all around us it is so easy to compare our lives to everyone elses.

    L x

  • Hi ! It is hard I have to admit . I see the people who bullied me at school in relationships , having children and with great jobs .I also see my ex chatting up new girls etc. My social media mostly paints a rosy pic of my life but it is fake .

    I've had a bad night with some people but they have posted about an amazing night just to show off.

  • Just goes to show what it is really like - I .glad I'm off it :)

  • yeh it's fake news. However people who aren't depressed over estimate their achievements and situation, whereas depressed people do the opposite. You can't believe it

  • Facebook makes me feel bad about myself whenever go on it. Many people say it's all fake, it not representative of their lives, etc., but I can't even fake having a good life, lol. I can't manage even that.

  • People, Don't believe the hype. No one puts their ordinary days and activities on FB. The things that go on FB are meant to impress . If you feel the need to impress others with your life ,you probably don't have much of one. You can live your life, or you can make it up. Pam

  • Yes, yes, yes to all that stuff. We should remember that FB is only a communication tool. What we think of it and how we react is up to us as individuals. Me, I prefer to pick up the phone and have an old fashioned conversation where possible

  • It's hard work growing up, raising children and trying to fit in a social life. We very often always end up putting the social life to the back of the queue and then start to resent/blame the other things in our life for the frustration we have due to not having a social life. It's a crazy confusing cycle.

    You are asking "Where did I go wrong?" but let me ask you a question which might help you figure out IF you went wrong and maybe help you change your future.

    Question: "If you could go back and do things differently, what would you change?"

  • Bloody everything!!!!

  • poppet36 i take it the you would change everything if you could start over again? Is awful if you feel like that. Is there anything in particular you eel you can point your depression to or is it just something hat you've suffered with for a while without really know what triggered it off? It's such a difficult illness for anyone to suffer from, as it's not something you can visibly see, and that's where a lot of the stigma comes from. I do hope you may feel a little better comin on this site, as I find it helps knowing I'm no alone. Take care and keep in touch with us all x

  • Thank you for your support. I was bullied from a young age that continued into adulthood so i think thats where mine started.

  • so change what you can now. It may only be small things , but it will empower you. Pam, who may change her name

  • It's been great to hear from everyone on this subject. It makes me feel s little better about it all. I very rarely go on there and tbh I think I will just keep it to be in contact with people I need and not look at other people's profiles. Like most of you have said, a lot of it is not real, and tbh I never have any real reason to go on there. I opened the account up when my two eldest were away at uni etc and it was a great way to see what they were up to etc, but other than that I have no reason to frequent it. I therefore will avoid it!

    DavidDuck , in particular, your message made me think about a few things. I will admit if I could go back, there maybe a few things I would change, but if in all honesty I wouldn't change much. I am blessed with three wonderful kids, who will do anything for me and who I know love me dearly, as I do them. I therefore wouldn't change them for the world. I really need to start thinking more positively about my life and see what I have and what my children have achieved and I couldn't be more proud of them for what they are now doing in their adult life. Obviously my youngest isn't quite the adult, but she certainly acts it, so again I should be proud.

    Thank you all so very much for all your responses. It has cheered me up quite a bit to say the least! 😊😘

  • Great to hear we've helped cheer you up....and right in time for the weekend :-)

    Just remember, there's always room for a little fun in your life, even if it's something small. So why not try and do something fun that you've not done in a while.

    My psychologist once asked me the question "When was the last time you had fun?" and it took me so long to respond he was already chuckling at me. I took action the following weekend and spent a fun weekend with my Dad and it really helped.

    It's important that both you and your partner put aside some time for fun so you don't forget how to have it. It's typically this that can make you start hating seeing other people having fun....because you are frustrated with yourself really, not anyone else.

    P.S. Fun does not need to be something big and crazy....just try to do something you enjoy doing that you've not done in a long time.

  • Thanks David, you've hit the nail on the head with the sentence of 'being frustrated with yourself, not anyone else', as that is so very true. I am so very frustrated with myself for not trying, so I am going to for the first time in a long time, this weekend, try and get out of my damn bedroom and do something, albeit maybe sit outside and watch the dogs play catch or something! Trivial it may sound, but that will be a massive effort for me but I am determined that I will try something better than nothing for a change.

    Thanks again, really appreciate it xx

  • No matter how trivial it may sound to you. It's those small little steps that over time, make a big difference in the long term. Enjoy :)

  • Try to remember that even though they are doing all these things, it does not mean they are happy. Loneliness is the worst part of depression, I have been at crisis point several times recently, try to think of the positives in your life. Facebook has been used to get to my by nasty people, I refuse to shut down my account as I have met a lot of lovely supportive people through various groups on it. Do you have something you can do that is just for you, I go to the gym, put my earphones in and just work away, it took a lot of courage and support for me to do this, but I now look forward to my me time, and I have a very supportive staff member, who understands my problems, and does not judge me.

  • Thanks Westie-love for your post. After having read all of the positive posts above, I am going to try and look at FB in a different perspective. I will use it if I need to for the people I need and for no other reason now lol! Unfortunately I am unable to go to the gym or anything due to a serious chronic back pain problem I have, but I am going to try and spend more time enjoying my family and am going to try not to hide away in my room as much as I do. I am going to try and tolerate the awful programmes my husband watches, even if I'm sitting in the same room reading or colouring while he watches will be a big change for me! One day at a time though I suppose but it's my goal to try and be a little more interactive, if I can!

    Again, thanks for the feedback, it all helps x

  • Your lucky to have a husband.x

  • Faceless 65

    Try to stay positive, I know it's not easy, please don't hide away, could you compromise where TV is concerned, watch something you both can watch or watch something you want then something he wants.

  • I think facebook is a very skew view of someone's life. People only really put their best times up on their profile. No one wants to highlight that they may be having troubles. I relate to where you are coming from. I have stopped going on facebook as it makes me feel left behind and lonely. My brother has always had a really active social life and is constantly invited out to things. There are pictures of him with large groups of friends all over facebook and I do get really jealous. He has so many weddings to go to this summer he cant attend them all. I have only been to five weddings in my entire life and I can count how many friends I have on one hand. Is this because I am a quieter person with a lesser need for social interaction. Maybe but I still feel lonely. My husband sounds similar to yours, when he gets in from a long day at work he would rather relax in front of the tv or sit in the garden than be surrounded by people. I am happy with that but at the same time I feel the need for more from life and I don't understand why I don't have it. I totally understand you and although I havn't offered any practical advise (mainly because I don't know what to do) I hope knowing that others also feel the same may help you.

    xxx

  • I will certainly try Westie-love. I've tried unite a bit recently to ask him if he fancies watching a film together and every time I say it his reply is that he doesn't want to watch any movies. Then I find at a later date that he's gone and watched a movie on his own that I mentioned I wanted to watch, and why does he always do that? He then says that he didn't think and that he didn't particularly enjoy it much anyway etc etc., so it upsets me a great deal. But hey ho, I will continue to try!

    Roosta i completely get where you are coming from in all aspects. I get mega jealous when I hear of people going out and having fun together, or BBQs etc etc, and we never seem to do anything like that as my hubby would rather not, but I am going to try and not let it bother me too much, and I know this does sound terrible, but I am glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels this way! 😐 x

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