Heartbreak help new advice hurting

I don't except anyone to understand but i have no one else to talk about this situation, mainly because i caused it. In the past I was hurt massively by an online relationship which lasted 3 years on and off constantly, it left me physically damaged and i've never completely gotten over it, it was a messy situation.

During that time I met someone which i grew close to, we've known eachother 3 years this summer, 4 months ago after all the complications which had happened in the past, he became my everything. i've never mentally and physically become attached to someone like i have with him, he just makes my s*** life worth something, the relationship was distance and even though it was hard we made it work from staying up until whenever and waking up early just to hear his voice. Everything was perfect until my ex came back into my life, we gradually became friends again, she knew about my new relationship and would still bring up past feelings. She picked a time where i was vulnerable and I responded to our past, believe me the guilt hurt, it ached yet i carried on the contact with my ex. You can't ever stop caring for someone no matter how much they hurt you, that was my theory, i thought up this whole idea on how i was going to hurt my ex just like they hurt me because i'd finally started getting on with my life, i found the person that i need the most. Yet my plan doesn't make sense now, i wanted her to hate me like i hated her so she'd completely STAY out my life because no matter how hard i tried keeping her out my life, she kept coming back and I let her.

I thought it made sense, i really did. Of course it backfired and i've lost the love of my life, i was selfish, i didn't think of the one person which could get affected by all this, he doesn't want to listen to my feelings nor my explanations, he doesn't believe me when i say without him, i just ache, i'm just nothing. He's tried forgetting everything and giving it a second chance but he's hurting, im grateful for him trying but honestly i've never felt so empty AND i can't seem to do anything about him leaving because i'm the cause of my relationship failing since I couldn't get over the pain caused in the past. It should've just been kept in the past. It's like just the little things, the memories, his voice, i can't leave that in the past because without him my life is just empty, i never wanted to depend on someone to provide me with happiness but he was my happiness.

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  • Hello, all I can really think of is to advise you to get some relationship counselling, maybe try RELATE?

    Fi.

  • Hello, no you have explained yourself very well so I sort of understand what you are saying. Am I correct that your latest love interest is a male and your previous is a female? Just weren't sure if I misread it.

    Really you shouldn't have done what you did although I understand that certain motivations can get the better of your judgement. You do sound as if you know you made a mistake and you have breached the trust of your current partner which would be hard to win back.

    If at all. You do sound genuinely remorsefull and I believe your intentions although a little leftfield.

    If you could explain all this to him as you have here maybe he may come round to you a little? and have a little more understanding to the you were thinking at the time.

  • Thank you for the advice, I really thought no one would understand but reading your response has helped, the genders are correct, I'm bisexual.

  • hope you are ok today

  • I've tried everything and we've been talking but things aren't the same, one minute he's suggesting we try again and the next he's saying he can't do this, therefore I guess you could say I'm getting played around but after all I deserve it

  • It's difficult, all I can suggest is that you remain good friends if possible and hopefully you can show him what he really means to you. And hopefully build up some kind of trust again.

    I don't know really I'm not exactly a relationship guru.

    I mean my last relationship ended in tatters; the girl I was with just completely cut me off and wouldn't even let me communicate with her, I had to respect her wishes but it destroyed me

    That was just her personality she told me before that once in her mind she's done with someone to her they don't exist anymore.

    I really wish I could have just communicated with her and a hundred percent honest but it just isn't possible in that situation.

  • Like David I'm a bit mixed up as to the sexes involved here. I suppose thats not really relevant. You seem well aware of the mistakes you have made already, but do take heed of the lessons you have learned and don't let them happen again.

    Hopefully the relationship you really care about might be mendable but if not you are in for the long painful period that always strikes us when an important relationship ends. However there's hardly one of us that has not experienced this at some time and we all learn the pain fades with time for everyone and the less we dwell on it the quicker it fades.

    Fortunately there are many "right" people for each of us. Can you imagine the odds against ever meeting them if there was only one. Hopefully you will meet someone even more right for you soon in which case the pain you are feeling will vanish even more quickly.

    Olderal

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