I just want to help...

What are the best things you can say to someone suffering from depression? How can you let them know they are an amazing human who has so much to offer this world and are not a broken toy? Sometimes I feel like every thing I say is wrong, I know I can't "fix" him, but I don't want to "fix" him, I don't think he needs "fixing". I just want to be there for him, let him know it's okay to have off days...

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  • Hello.

    I would say exactly what you have just said in your post.

    I think it's important to say these things but not sound like a broken record, or that can be annoying.

    Is the person on any medication for their depression? Has it been diagnosed by their doctor?

    Best wishes 💗

  • The person has been diagnosed by a doctor, I am unsure whether he is currently on his medication. I'm not the closest person to him, so I don't want to pry or cross a line, I just care about his well being and want the best for him. He was opening up to me a bit, letting me know that he's going through a very rough patch that he hasn't been through in a while, but then a project he was working on (pouring his heart into) got cancelled and he just shut me out. I don't want to sound like a broken record, I am very much afraid of that.

  • I am sure you didn't sound like a broken record.

    Just letting him know he has your support is all you can do. 💗

  • Thank you. I will continue to do so 💜

  • Hello, I think it is great that you care enough to ask complete strangers how to help your friend, if only I could summon up someone like you for everyone who has a mental health difficulty. What you are doing already is really kind, and please ignore my suggestions if they are not helpful. Depression is like a marathon as opposed to a sprint. If you are supporting someone in the 100 meters you can stand track side and watch and cheer from start to finish, no problem. With a marathon it is very different, you have to pick and choose when and where you stand, and you may have to move so that you get to see the person a couple of times, and then hoof it to the finish line. To help with this you could try to mix up your messages of support a bit, try texting a hello, thinking about you, have a good day in the mornings. Depression is notoriously difficult to deal with in the mornings. If you see a nice card or funny postcard you could send him that, we get so few nice things in the post these days, that a nice unexpected card can really give you a lift. Quirky emails, with funny photos are also good. As I said thank you for cheering your friend on, it does matter, and it does go in that somebody cares, even if the depression makes it difficult to be over demonstrative about this. I remember once when I was in the grips of depression, my friends had a photo of their boxer dog printed on a t-shirt for me, the dog had eaten a blue biro and was sitting, trying to look innocent with blue biro ink all around her chops. This just made me laugh and laugh. Little, thoughtful things like that do make the world of difference to our worlds. Hope this helps.

    Fi.

  • Thank you so much for the advice... You are so very right, it is a marathon. Yes, I do try to send memes or a funny text in the mornings as he wakes up very early for work. I often compliment his work (he's a photographer) and try to "cheer him on". My mother also suffers from depression so I've had 20 years of being there for someone who suffers from depression, I know it's different for everyone but I guess it helps me to be a little more understanding. It is hard, and not many people are cut out to be supportive, but what can I say? I care.

  • Dear Potatoes, I love potatoes, I already feel a connection. I think you are very intuitive and have a good grasp of how to treat a person with depression. Remember to ask this person for their opinions and help too so as to have a more equal relationship. Listen, listening is such a great gift and if you're having a bad day don't be afraid to say so. The isolation a person feels is the worst thing to me so you can be there at times and that alone feeling may lessen. You also must watch yourself, don't become over burdened by this or disappointed if you're not always successful. Let us know how you get on. Pam

  • Thank you so much Pam, potatoes ARE great. I shall take your advice and take breathers when necessary, I do "check myself" when I begin to overthink things, listen to good music and clear my mind.

  • Overthink ? Who does that lol

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