I've never posted here before so sorry if this is too long winded and incoherent, I'll try keep it as brief but detailed as I can.
I don't even know where to start. I have depression, anxiety and OCD, which I take sertraline for. It helps with my depression tremendously, anxiety however, it does not. I'm a chronic worrier. If there's nothing to worry about, trust me I'll find something. I have generalised anxiety already but I'm never calm, never not anxious. I always think something is causing my anxiety (I.e having to prepare a university presentation) and that after is done with, I'll be worry free! But it never works like that and I'll be onto the next thing to worry about. It's ruining my relationships with friends, family, partners because I'm always trying to fix things to stop my worrying and therefore end up creating a scenario that wasn't even there to begin with- I'm sabotaging myself!! It's all in my head, I make things up and I stress out situations to the point where I'm having a panic attack because of something that I have perceived is *going* to happen, like, that my boyfriend is going to turn around and dump me or that I'm going to fail all my exams or I'll walk outside and I'll get hit by a bus and be paralysed. Stupid things, irrational things.
It's making me genuinely suicidal and it's very hard to try and not be depressed (my anxiety causes my depression) when I'm ALWAYS anxious. I've struggled a lot the past few months and have reverted back to self harm and sleeping endlessly to just give my brain a rest. (Where I end up having crazy nightmares about all the things I worry about happening) It's never ending.
How do people deal with this? How do you stop these irrational worries and fears? I'm only 20 and I feel like I'm worrying my entire life away when I should be care free and having fun. I've isolated myself and I live away from home at university (I study art and it's very hard to be creative while suffering like I do) and my boyfriend is studying abroad and I don't have any friends here (do to my anxiety ruining my first year here) so I have very little distraction and very few people to talk to (most close friends live elsewhere). I just kind of need some advice and help. I feel like screaming I just want to escape my head. The doctor that I see isn't very good, he just keeps adjusting my sertraline dosage (currently on 50mg) which doesn't help because the higher the sertraline the more my anxiety feels 'trapped' inside me, it's hard to explain. But it's always still there, it never goes away. I just want/need people to discuss this with who understand me rather than throwing in my bfs and families shoulders when they can do little to help.
Thanks for any advice.
(20 year old female, if that adds any context, don't know if it does)