I dont really know where to start. I am 17 years old and First of all my heads so messed up i dont feel anything anymore.
I feel like no one takes me seriously, as whenever i try and talk to someone or get help everybody laughs it off or tells me to stop being silly.
I cant rememeber the last time i was properly happy, or not thinking about how upset i really am as i have gone through many things but i seem to not react the way i should and i dont know why.
For instance a close family friend who was a star and was there for me for a good number of years in my life died unexpectedly and i didnt seem to 'grieve' atall or feel anything.
The same with finding out about a grandparent having cancer, and also me having pcos which means i will probably never be able to have kids but i dont know why i dont feel effected the way i should because i am devastated but i cant seem to feel it .
I am so sick to death of feeling like crap and feeling low in myself. Nothing i do is ever good enough, everything i touch turns to crap and im slowly loosing it.
I have a boyfriend of 3 and a half years, who makes me the happiest but i just feel numb when im with him and dont feel anything atall although i love him to pieces and he is my world.
i do smoke everyday but because i cant cope and i cant sleep without it.
I dont cry or seem upset but i have tried to do stupid silly things twice, one of them being just last month but no one takes me seriously. I dont know how to explain anything or put anything into words and this isnt even half of it but i dont know where to start. I wish i could explain things sooo much better lol but this is the best i can do by the looks of it.