My husband suffers with depression

[Sian-45]

Hi all

I'm new to this. My husband has been suffering with depression for 20 years. And he's getting worse not better. He's on tablets but doctors told him to get in with it. We think he's got bipolar. We need help. He has a job which he's had for the last 11 years. But if he makes it to work for 5 shifts a month we are lucky.

[chloe40]

Hello Sian-45

Welcome to our friendly forum.

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Chloe

[Olderal]

Hello Sian, most medics believe that the treatment required for bipolar depression differs from that required for "ordinary" depression so your husband needs to get some help first of all from his GP to get correctly diagnosed. If currently depressed it might help if you attend the appointment with your husband if your husband is agreeable as to get a correct diagnosis might need some persistance, and even then it is n't always easy. Even a double NHS appt. is not usually long enough to summarise a long history of depression so it would help to type it up as a GP will be able to read this far quicker than it can be explained. Your Husband may then be referred to a psychiatist but this is all good positive news towards getting the correct diagnosis. You can't fix the car until you know whats wrong with it. Bipolar is not very easily fixed but it can be improved a lot.

You certainly need help as your husband's job is obviously important financially, and although he probably finds working very stressful the social interaction and positive feeling of contributing is almost certainly a bigger positive than the stress is a negative, he'll need a lot of encouragement and love from you , and the shifts per month should increase.

If it is bipolar ,its usually possible to continue work depending on the job and your husbands' inner resources. Your support and continuing love for your husband are also very,very important. As encouragement I worked with bipolar 2 in a tough job for 30 plus years without a day off due to depression. I was lucky and it was n't easy. Only my wife knew and without her support I could n't have done it although the wish to do the best for my kids was also a big incentive.

Obviously your husband has my sympathy but you also have a lot as it is certainly not easy having a partner with recurrent depression.

Jim Phelp's site, PsycheEducation.org has a lot of helpful information on the bipolar spectrum and you'll find a lot of useful information on the web on how families can help and support sufferers of depression. Its a lot of reading but no one in the overstretched NHS has the time to talk you through all of this.

WE'll try and help on this forum but there is a limit on how much you can type and we can type so the background reading is pretty essential. What's more if your husband finds out more about it with reading that is usually a big help to the sufferer as well. Familiarity can remove fear.

Wishing you all the best Olderal

[alfie19 in reply to Olderal]

Hi Sian

Stand by him as he needs all the support that is available.

I have suffered from mild depression for years what helped me was to sit quietly and get a notepad or writing pad and write down all that is troubling him he needs to do this in a room on his own he needs the peace and quiet so that all his thoughts come to the surface and to let them out. Then he can share themwith you if he wishes so that you can understand what he is going through. This illness is very tough to handle to control we have to be there for each other.

Once he has written everything down it can be put to one side to show his counsellor or put it in the bin. When he shares his thoughts with you this will enable you to help and understand more and maybe possible to help him.

Releasing these thoughts of how we are feeling deep down helps us to move forward and to release our minds of crap that brings us to melt down.

I hope this helps as it has help so many others.

[Sian-45 in reply to alfie19]

Hi Alfie 19

I will stand by him no matter what. We have been together for 30 years

He's had depression for about 20 plus years & self harming. I just don't know how to help him.

[Sian-45 in reply to Olderal]

Hi

We go to see out doctor every 2 month. We did ask about bipolar but doctor said it's not that. So at the moment we are just taking Day by day.

[alfie19]

Sian I am so glad you are supporting your husband it is awful he is feeling this way.

Sit down and talk to him and try and find out deep down why this is happening to him and what he feels upsets him. There is a reason why this happens he may not wish to discuss it with you as he feel embaressed I think it is worse for a man as they do not like talking about it.

My friend has gone through the same thing but he is disabled after a terrible accident he would do self harm because he could not walk and do things he used to be able to do it was frustration and he was taken it out on himself. But now he has friends he can talk to even when they are miles away there is always someone at the end of the phone 24hrs a day.

When I felt veery low and did not feel myself and I reaching for the jar of tablets to end it all I thought what a waste I need help I had no-one then a looked at a list I made of all the people I could call there were the Saramartins they are there 24/7 any time day or night they were on the phone to me for an hour talking about how I was feeling and changing my mind of doing awful things to myself. I am so glad for their support without their help I would not be here now. So if you also need help ring them or ask your DR for advise as you need support to help your husband never feel you are alone there is always help its just finding the right scource.

Sending my prayers to you both.