An alternative approach

[Catmag]

Dear all,

As we head towards a new year, I thought I would share a new approach I've adopted, to reduce anxiety within family relationships.

I was getting very stressed whenever my brother was around. Then there was a misunderstanding with my niece. Both relationships used to be good, but had changed significantly. I wanted to fix both, but I was really unsure how to. Through conversation I was asked: "do you need to fix things?"

Further discussion gave me a lot to think about. And I came to a conclusion. I knew that we could be civil to one another in company. I did not wish to cause any problems involving the whole family. So, I decided, I would treat my brother and niece the way I knew I should and in the way my parents would expect me to. If this was not reciprocated that was fine.

So, I have kept my counsel on this and I'm no longer stressed when either of them are around. I don't expect anything from them & nothing they say or do surprises or upsets me.

I am relaxed, before, during and after any gathering and I'm happy knowing that I am treating them the way I should.

Slowly they are both less confrontational and have been more communicative recently. I can't describe the relief this approach has given me.

I hope this info might help someone take a new approach to a problem in the new year.

Best wishes, Catherine.

[chloe40]

That's a real achievement Catmag

It's strange that we so often hold the key to the solution of our worries but don't realise it and I'm so happy that you have come to a decision that brings inner peace for you.

Chloe

[Hidden]

I am so pleased you have been able to move on with these relationships. People have disagreements with family, it is just one of those things.

I wish you all well for 2017

BOB

[Hidden]

Well done. One of the most important lessons to learn in life is that while you can't change other peoples attitude you can change your own towards it. It gives you back control.

I found that out about 18 years ago when faced with the combined fury of my mother and one of my sisters. They were shouting really vicious things at me and their eyes were snapping like jackels. I just looked at them both and kept very calm. Eventually it took the wind out of both their sails especially my mother.

I then turned to them both in turn and said 'I don't know you' turned on my heel and walked out. I didn't speak to either of them for 3 months. They never tried that again.

Ok afterwards I was really upset and in floods of tears, but they never knew that. x