Giving up on the fight.

[69eden]

I am in a dark place, have been all year if honest. Feels. Like I get up, go to work, go back and work again, cooking, cleaning, laundry, even lost the love of the garden. So fed up, cannot be bothered. I am only doing what I have to do and sod the rest, what is the point? Sitting writing this in my pjs at 3 o'clock for goodness sake! Lost a lot of weight as cannot be bothered to cook, so do the mi minim I can get away with. I put on my lipstick and away I go at being happy but the only time I am happy is when I am off to bed as it's the only place I want to be. How on earth do I explain that to anyone? Just think we'll whats the point, I feel like I have given up on the fight. And yes I will be the one sitting with the happy family tomorrow, looking out the window, with another swell week ahead. How do you tell that to your doctor, let alone your partner who thinks I am tired due to the weight loss, and has no understanding at all as its oh don't be silly mode. Had enough of house as needs a lot of work so no love there either. Thought I would change my car to cheer me up and brought a right heap so lost money on that. Got a new job but not feeling the love I had hoped for as they insist you have an hour and a half break so have to do a 9 hour shift to get paid for 7.5 so my time is gone as well. So yeah, giving up really all round.

[sweetiepye]

The answer is within you not outside of you. You, my dear, are carrying around a load of junk that makes me tired just reading about it. Start ditching it.One thing at a time, one day at a time, go slow. What you have written here is very clear. Let your Dr. and Husband read it. There are several things your Dr. might suggest, but you must be honest with him and he is the key to everything you might need. Ask him for a plan and follow it. Do not give up on yourself... It can be fixed. Pam

[0101]

You're sounding very hard on yourself and you explain very well what sounds like a very low place to be. I think it's a brave thing to reach out. If you think it can help, perhaps letting those near you read your post might help as Pam suggests? If your partner has said 'don't be silly' that isn't helpful but perhaps they're not sure what to say. Can you risk trying again?

You've done a very positive thing by posting and I hope you allow yourself to feel good about that.

X

[Hidden]

You need to seek the help of your Doctor, make a list of all your worries and concerns. Any fears or anxiety may also let your Doctor know what your concerns are. Doctors are in partnership with you and if you are ill they are there to help.

Explain your weight loss as well so that can also be addressed, we all need food

Talk to those who are around you explain your worries and concerns, they should also give support.

BOB

[Biggles22]

You may find a course of antidepressants gives you a boost so that life becomes more of a joy again

[Hidden]

Hi I agree totally with Pam, your story makes me feel exhausted! What happened to work/life balance? You are working long hours and shouldn't have the full burden of all the housework as well, so it's about time your unsympathetic partner was doing a lot more. He might change his tune a bit then! x

[69eden]

Thank you all for your support. Will make an appointment although will try next week, hard to talk to my close friends as they have had some horrible year of events as well. Knowing you are behind me is a great help and I promise to see doc and will let you know how it goes. As for partner that is a different story as he doesn't get it at all, so will speak to doc about that. Big breath for today eh!

[Hidden in reply to 69eden]

Hi unfortunately many family don't get depression/anxiety etc. But he should be able to understand tiredness and your physical health suffering. If he won't or refuses he isn't much cop is he? I think things are going to have to drastically change in your household and I expect the doctor will say that too.

Please do let us know what happens. Take care x

[Topbananamac]

Hi ,just seen your post,,i think u must share this and get it out there,there's no shame in being ill,,and u got so much going on,please look inwards as you cant fix an internal problem with an external source,,ie,,buying your happiness is short lived and then we feel guilty,,it sounds like your taking on the world alone,if your partner can help surely that would help,and if they dont understand that tells u something about them,,please try see the colour in life ,i know how dark it gets but take one day at a time,and be kind to yourself,u deserve it,,btw theres nothing wrong with curling up in bed,,in England this time of year i sometimes dont pull the curtains ,coz its so crap outside,,hope this makes sense,Joe always here,..tc

[AMeatSuit]

Most people with out the condition really don't get it,family friends and our loved ones are the worst for not understanding it,i always feel so alone even when ive got the love from my kids and girl friend i see myself in my mind dying over and over,or me going crazy and running away,just to let you know you will have people on here to talk to.

[Rick1on1]

Hi Eden,

Many people here experience lows just like you are. We have admitted to ourselves that we suffer from depression but our activity on this site shows that we want help and give help. Do you want help?

From your post, the following suggestions come to mind:

- Can you get someone to help with the housework? even if you have to pay them?

- Do you have any other interests that can break the mundanity of your routine?

- Maybe you need to change Doctors? If your current one does not emphathise with your condition, then he is not very good.

- What is lacking in your relationship that you do not get support there? Even if your husband can help with the house work, that would take a load off.

- I sense that you have some guilt about past decisions. For example you mention the car you just bought. You need to explore these and forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and if we can laugh it off as life lessons, it wont have any impact later.

Hope this helps?

Rick1on1

[Dinxp]

Reading your post 69eden was like reading something I had written myself - I too am in that dark place! Unfortunately my dark place is due to my husband deciding "we are better off apart" in September.....however we are still in the same house whilst it's on the market and he appears to be merrily carrying on with life but I am struggling to cope with it all. I am feeling exactly the same as you, really don't want to be anywhere but in bed hiding from it all, but with 3 children I am trying to carry....have lost 2 stone in weight, have no appetite or energy and no enjoyment for anything. I have been to the doctor & have been given anti-depressants...only 2 weeks in, so not feeling any better yet. And I guess it is going to be a long journey before I am in a better place all round. My (soon to be ex) husband has no sympathy for any mental illness- a family friend was a recent sufferer and he had no understanding at all.

[69eden]

Tried to do reply and lost it so going again as not to say sod it and give up. Sunday came and went and not to bad. Yesterday cleaned bathroom and thought a lot about replies. It Is SO good to know you are not alone. I am unable to get support from my family, will explain at some point, but after seeing doc I will try and tackle partner. I have been with him for 24 years and he really doesn't get anything like this, it's just the way he is. He plays a lot of tennis and I mean a lot as any sports he has to throw in 100 per cent as again that's how he is. The house is going to be problem as he thinks bigger is better where I can be happy with my lot. This is a big tunnel and I am crouching at the end of it, I want to start walking through it and although Pams reply shocked me, she was right in that we need to ditch the junk. I will with your help just might be able to start to. To know you are not alone is a massive thing to me right now. I do now realise I do not want another year like this one and that is my second challange after seeing the doc. Slightly worried as I have been smoking heavily which I know is not good, but one of the things you do when stressed. I am here to talk also, let's do this together eh! I am in for a long ride, but at least started here and I am grateful.

[0101 in reply to 69eden]

I was thinking about you and how you're getting on! Cleaning the bathroom was always my way of mulling things over in a positive way - elbow polish is a great cure when you can! Good to hear your thoughts are so positive about what you can do. It's strange that although you don't have to explain I think you'll probably get a good response when or if you do :). Facing what you do and don't want is a great place and I hope empires you - sounds simple but often isn't

[0101 in reply to 0101]

Sorry *empowers you but thinking about it throw some empire building in too!!