Depression has me beat down

Hi everyone.

I'm extremely new to the forum within the last 5 minutes. I've come here hopefully to meet some people suffering the way I am.

I'm 31 male living in Lincolnshire miles away from family and friends. I've recently split from my long term partner. I was on fluoxatine antidepressants but due to being in debt I've had to go cold turkey as cannot afford the prescription. I have had suicidal thoughts but never done anything to harm myself. I feel like the whole world is against me and NOTHING is going positively for me.

Anyway I don't wanna say too much.

Thanks for reading

Steven

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48 Replies

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  • Hi. You are not alone. I'm so sorry about your split. Have you had any counselling? Your doctor could refer. If you are unemployed you could get a free prescription. I do know how you feel. I'm sitting at my desk struggling to concentrate and work.

  • Hi smugcat. The relationship was a long time over but finally ended which was best for both. I have had councillor I had CBT therapy for my increasing bulimia nervosa. Unfortunately I'm not unemployed I'm self employed but struggling to earn a living. I'm struggling to even get dressed. Feel like I'd be better off falling asleep for years. Wishful thinking aye!

  • Do you qualify for free presciptions? If you cannot afford your prescpriotn I would strongly advise going to see a doctor who you trust and get on with to have this discussion. I came off fluoxetine a few months ago (but have now had to be put back on it) and can say it was just a downward spiral when I came off of it. I know it must be hard if you are struggling to pay for your prescription, but it's really bad to be not taking your anti-depressants especially if you are having suicidal thoughts.

    Also if you talk to your GP have you ever considered or been to counselling? I am thinking of actually going to my own doctor and disucssing this option tomorrow, I know the waiting list can be long but still hoping it will help me to improve.

    Furthermore are you able to reach out to your family and friends who live far away? Would you be able to visit or move in with them for a while? I find it makes it so much worse to be alone and drives me crazy sitting in the house alone!! You need as many supportive people around you as possible. I hope that things get better for you, sorry if I'm not much help but am always here to chat to!

  • Hi Jemmy,

    Thank you for your response. I have thought about moving back home but have 4 dogs in tow so couldn't move anyone private, parents wouldn't allow that many dogs. They're the only thing I get out of bed for.

    I have spoken with my GP he's suggested some local support groups. I am self employed so cannot claim benefits. I'm a taxi driver. For example sat on the local taxi rank yesterday an earned a measly £4.80 in 5 hours. I've looked into different work even had interviews that never come back.

    I own my own house. I'm looking to sell an move but can't as no proof of earnings poor credit history etc.

    At least with the fluoxatine antidepressants I felt about 75 average. But that's life. I'm trying my hardest to just get on a deal with it but sometimes you just need a friendly ear. A hug. Someone to tell you it's all gonna be ok.

  • Hi there might be some benefits you could claim if you have a low income, such as council tax rebate, working tax credits etc. Have a look on Govt. uk as this site will tell you all the benefits available.

    If you are on a low income and can prove it you might be able to get help with prescriptions by filling in form HC2. x

  • I completely see what you mean, life is hard! It's at least nice to see you're not the only person who feels this way (although I wouldn't want to wish depression on anyone)! Really hope things get better for you :). Also I understand your love of animals, I could not live without cuddles from my cats every day!!

  • Animals are seriously like a medicine of their own. I've had the added drama of dealing with the fact that my business failed due to two individuals who stole my staff an contract from my company opened up another company with 2 days of resigning. They've left me in about 45k worth of debt.

    I seriously cannot wait for 2016 to be over

  • When you are down it is so difficult to count your blessings. Counting your losses can only end one way...CBT can be good in your position especially if away from your main support group. Your GP can refer you so cheaper than a prescription but there is a waiting list. Samaritans is there for emergencies.

    Find something you like doing and try to avoid comfort food reliance so not swapping one drug for another. Watching your favourite comedy is the fastest depression buster they say as laughter is a miracle cure for the blues.

    We all have dark times and I am using the same medication but at the end of the day they dull the problem/pain area, you still then have to solve the root cause of why you feel this way. Easier said than done but essential.

    Only tip I can give for future is decide what your really want now, next week, next month, next year and in life then make the decision to find a way to get it. Then just do it!

    Good luck on your journey and we are all there backing you.

    Peace

  • Hi Villaboy4life, welcome. Many of us suffer from this monster of depression. I'm sorry 😐 about your split with your partner. That's so painful. I don't live there , I'm in the USA. There must be some way to get a prescription for your med. from experience, I know cold turkey is not a good choice. Your body will not appreciate that and you may feel worse than you did before you went on it.

    The world is not against you. We are all with you and understand. I really hope you can find a way to get the help you need. Let us know how you get along. Nesie 237

  • Hi Nesie237.

    Thank you for your supportive message. really appreciate it.

  • Hi Steven I really feel for you and wish I could give you a big hug.Life is such a struggle with depression,but my dogs and horse help me a lot.I dont know what you would do financially as my other half was self employed,was on life support for 8 wks and now he is not entitled to anything for 6 months.We are more fortunate in Scotland ,we get free prescriptions.You are not alone get on this site and we will comfort you.

  • Hi Bengal.

    Thank you for your supportive message I really appreciate it. Sometimes a hug is all it takes for me to snap out of my depression. Other days I literally need a kick up the arse to get myself moving in the right direction. My moods are often very low but I tend to over think things as well. I've recently started dating as well to literally no success! I'm my own worse enemy tbh.

    Thank you

  • You are welcome. It looks like you might have a handle on understanding your moods, over thinking, which we all tend to do. A 🤗 hug to you als, Nesie 237

  • I do have a handle on them but still struggle. I tend to go out with my dogs when extremely depressed. Seeing them happy raises my moods plus the fresh air helps. Thank you.

  • Struggling with moods and depression is part of the whole mess. Having pets that make you happy 😊 is good therapy for you. I don't think I'd get out of bed some days, go outside, if it weren't for my little terrier Sparky. He is a joy. Going outside has become hard the last few years, my dog makes me! He'S a tough guy, he thinks so, anyway. Nessie 237

  • I love little dogs their attitude makes them great. My springers are crazy. Have me spinning around in circles!. Never a dull moment.

  • That's for sure. Sparky will stare down and snarl/sniff a big dog. Less than 20 pounds and No fear. I could take lessons from the little guy. He likes playing tug-a-war with his rope toy. So vicious! Nessie 237

  • Ha brilliant!. He sounds like he raises your spirits.

    You can see why they have specially trained dogs that go into care homes hospitals etc just so people can stroke an play with them. So calming. Live for an love my dogs

  • He does raise my spirits with his shenanigans. When I got him 7 years ago, he was going through a destructo period. Chewed through stereo wires, three pairs (one in each pair) of slippers, very picky, a pair of my bifocals, a pen. The last few years, just one shoe. I guess he'S on a shoe diet now. For me, he's usually good, but others better stay away or the vicious guy comes out. How about your 🐶S? Nessie 237

  • Well I've got Milo who's 6 had him since he was 10 weeks old. He was pretty good only chewed the usual letters(mainly bills so he got praised) ha.

    Then I've got two sisters willow an poppy. My sweet princess poppy. Chewed literally everything. Destroyed wires furniture door frames shoes MONEY! even ate into the plaster of the wall. Then I wised up an caged both of them when alone. Since then the odd bag of food left close by.

    Then onto Sam. He's the son of willow an Milo. Only 6 months old. He's been relatively good learnt my lesson ha! But his current favourite trick is chewing stones from the garden.

    Bloomin dogs! who'd have em!!

  • Sounds like a great group to me. Mischievous but wonderful. Some of your dogs' must be larger if they're into furniture and door frames. Plaster, yuk. Chewing on stones sounds like trouble. Who'd have them? You would. Hugs 🤗 to you, Nessie 237

  • I wouldn't swap my babies for anything. I've literally thought a million times about rehoming them then disappearing off planet earth. Going homeless just leaving everything behind. But can't as I care too much for them. They're medium size dogs. Very loving and affectionate.

    Hugs back to you.

  • I have thought about that too, but I promised him I would take care of him for life. I have to keep my promise. I don't think he was treatedwell before I got him. Our dogs can help us so much. Let them. Hugs, Nessie 237

  • Hi villaboy4life You are in the right place as we know how low one can feel .. We all have a story too .. Hope you can get a bit of relief from coming on here. I know what it is like when you need a hug. I am a dog owner also. I get my hugs from him albeit not the same as a human one. I get virtual ones too off my friends on here bless them.

  • Loneliness is a killer tbh satsuma. Horrible doesn't describe it. Plays hand in hand with depression.

  • That is does villaboy4life I am sitting here also in a lonely existence feeling insignificant today

  • Don't do that Satsuma, encourage your self to get up and try something different. I'm having a really good day. Have you ever danced before?.

  • Yes I have danced before, am unable to do it as much as i like due to symphysis pubis diastasis .. I been out today and came.back feeling very low. Back to being alone :(

  • I'm sorry to hear that Satsuma, did you manage to improve your mood in the end?.

  • Am sitting here waiting for it to pass

  • Are you watching anything good on TV?.

  • The celebrity live ghost night

  • Oh crap is that tonight?. Forgot about that!. I'm watching the apprentice as I enjoy laughing at the "stupid" contestants and Alan sugar

  • Ahhh right .. Yes it is on for another hour

  • Damn! I'll see if I can download it! One of favourites used to my most haunted with Yvette Fielding ha

  • Am sure you will be able to find it. I am into the paranormal myself .. Interesting

  • I can find most things if I look hard enough. I like paranormal stuff too. Do you like horror films

  • Me too!. I love reading / studying about torture techniques etc especially those ones used decades ago!

  • Wow .. Have you been to Ripley's ? Interesting Gore

  • I haven't where is it?.

  • The waxworks in Blackpool. They have a downstairs section with horror and gore ... I think London may have one too

  • Ohhh I'll be visiting soon enough!

  • Great .. You will really enjoy it and find it interesting

  • Thank you Satsuma.

  • One thing

    Find one thing you love

    You are passionate

    Use and do it

    No matter how small

    It's a step

  • Hello Steven,

    It's just a suggestion regarding work, but a lot of employers are recruiting for the Christmas period now. It's a little bit of extra cash.

    Walking helps a great deal with depression I feel and it's free. Look after yourself Andy

  • Hi Andy,

    I have looked at temp work but unfortunately that interferes with my self employed work. I've informed all of my debtors of my situation and they're mainly understanding.

    Walking gives me freedom as well. A nice big breath of fresh air helps release my tension.

  • There is a book called BRAIN SWITCH BY A.B.CURTISS

    she's a dr that went through depression for years.

    So she went back to school

    Got Into the field and found some really good tools to use

    She explains about how the brain works with depression

    I had read self help books.

    A lot got thrown out half way thru

    This one I like

    She has been where I have been

    She knows

    And came up with ways for us to really start healing.

    We don't live this life from day to day

    Not even moment by moment

    But by breath to breath

    Hope you give it a try

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