I don't know what to do

I'm new here.

I'm a first year college student this and I've been struggling with just about everything. It's my first time away from home (6 hours away) and the first time I've been away from my twin sister (we decided to go to different schools, she's 4 hours away). I only had two friends back home and they are both tied up with others things so we barely speak.

I never learned how to make friends and I work myself up too much to talk to people. My roommate is nice but she's always home because she lives 30 minutes out. I can go several days without speaking aloud to anyone. I'm either in my room or in class and the only other time I come out is to eat in the dining hall by myself.

I've never been diagnosed with anything and I would never self-diagnose because my best friend suffered depression and I know how serious it is. However to just say that I'm homesick seems doesn't seem right.

I don't know why I wrote this. Perhaps it's because I'm lonely. I cry sometimes when my roommate is away when I'm feeling really empty inside. I guess I need some support.

I don't know what to do.

[Photogeek]

Hi there, being away from home for first time can be tough, so it's ok to be homesick. Now is there anything on the Campus that you can join, I'm sure there are lots of things, when I was at Universty people joined different soicieties, maybe Drama or Hiking or Debating , a Choir or anything, how about a dance class, learn to Dance, don't stay in your room, as no one is going to come knocking on your door, you will have to take your courage in your hands, put your big girl pants on and get out there,

Once you start it will become easier, strike up conversation in the Dinng hall, ask would anyone like to meet up for Coffee or going to the Cinema, Good luck and if you feel you are stuck, talk to your College Counsellor ,

Ca n you even talk to your roommate and tell her that you feel lonely, and see what she suggests.

Also change that name from Nobody to Somebody, because you are somebody.

Let me know how it goes.

Hannah

[Hidden in reply to Photogeek]

Thanks for your advise (I changed my name, by the way), but just the thought of going up to someone makes my stomach hurt. I have never initiated a conversation with another person because I usually just assume they wouldn't want anything to do with me. I can't figure out how to get out of my own head. I've joined clubs and walked out without friends before while in high school. I don't have enough courage to put myself out there.

[Kainan]

Hi. I had nearly the exact same experience as you my first year of college. I had no clue how to talk to people and I was overwhelmed and scared. I was so depressed, anxious, and frustrated that I skipped just about all my classes, stayed in my room and only came out to eat at the dining hall. Long story short; my life at college was a disaster.

I'm so glad you are still heading to class. That is your foundation. Don't lose it. Go to class, do the work, study hard. If you enjoy learning and if you do well in school, then you'll feel so good that any problem you may have won't carry with them so much weight.

But socializing is extremely important as it directly affects your well-being. You could look into a club you may be interested in like Hannah brought up. If you're anything like me and cannot for the life of me strike up a conversation with a random stranger, then why not start in the classroom. It is a safe and controlled environment. Just have a chat with the person sitting next to you. Something small like how the class is going. You never know: you might have a lot to say or they will. Also group work is a great opportunity to get to know your classmates.

Keep doing what you're doing.Also keep in touch with your roommate. She can be your best friend if you openly communicate with each other. I never did a good job of that and I really regret it

[LoriMS61]

Hi,

I'm going to give you the same advice that was given to me before I started university 12 years ago. I tell you how long ago because I made three amazing friends who I would count as sisters who I am still in contact with.

I don't know if you live in the UK or US, but if it is the UK Freshers week was only last week.

Tip number one: leave the door to your room open (obviously when you are in it). This shows people that you are happy to talk. I met everyone who lived in my block that way. People were curious (and nosey) and said hi as they walked past.

Tip number two: if there are any socials, go to one. Usually universities are totally aware of the struggle you are experiencing and have older students ready to help. I was a guide in my second and third year, I shamelessly forced new Freshers to introduce one another.

Tip number three: try and get a temp job on campus with minimal hours. I got a job giving out leaflets about insurance. I didn't have to speak to anyone, but people recognised me afterwards.

Tip number four: could you cook in your dorm/block? And time it so that you cook at the same time as someone's else? I asked for advice when I cooked, and eventually split the cost of shopping with my three friends because buying in bulk is cheaper.

You've already been given great advice about joining clubs etc, so now I'm going to give you more generalised advice about how to strike up a conversation.

Start with one person in class (again, you've been given good advice here), sit next to a person who smiles at you-if possible, your own gender.

Think of things that you could say to a person; it doesn't necessarily make it authentic, but it's a start. You can never go wrong by complimenting something- if you are female. I don't know the dynamic of male to male.

Anyway, compliment things you can see. Nice nail polish, where's it from? Lovely jewellery, nice scarf etc. Or if they have funky stationery you can comment on that. People love when you notice the small things, they love telling you the stories and they love talking about themselves.

Being a good listener has two advantages. You don't have to do all of the talking, and you come across as a nice person.

Do you think you could try any of these things?