Saw psychiatrist today and feeling bewildered

[jackie220166]

As the title says met with a psychiatrist today who rushed through all my past traumas to how I got to where I am today. Upshot of meeting is he wants me to take mirtazapine 15mg at night along with my 20mg fluoxetine and start to decrease my valium by 1mg a day. Has or is anyone else on a combination of medication does it make any difference im on day 18 of flux and side effects are horrid still not eating and anxiety is through the roof. Can't see any light at the end of this tunnel but need to stay strong for my family. Feeling very drained from all the outpouring today and praying relief will be forthcoming at some point as this constant emotional pain is wearing me out. Still off work and worrying as pay is due to finish does it ever end or get better. I used to be able to deal with my depressive episodes but they just keep increasing. Sorry to ramble on just need to reach out

[darkshadow]

Don't apologise to us here, Jackie. I've been waiting and hoping to hear better news from you tonight after your consultation but it's never that easy, is it? We know that. I can't advise you about combinations of drugs as I have not experienced it but, as you know only too well, time is needed to feel any difference. A friend of mine visited me the other day and she is on 340mg of anitbi's per day. I could hardly believe it. She tried to reduce to 250mg but at that point she began shaking uncontrollably and had to go back to the high dose.She will be on this for life. I think when it gets to that stage, we just have to accept that we need the meds and make the best of it even with the side effects. You reach out as much as you need to with no apologies, Jackie.

I had a terrible day on Tuesday. I felt ill with fatigue and nausea. I did next tonothing all day. Then on Wednesday and yesterday I felt quite good, took my dog out for a walk and went to the supermarket. Don't have a clue why those days were so different. I had an app with my Dr today but had to cancel as got not one but two migraine attacks where my vision was so affected that I couldn't drive. I've had 4 painkillers and 2 diazepam. I hope we both feel a little better tomorrow. Who knows, eh? Myra.xxx.

[jackie220166 in reply to darkshadow]

Lovely to hear from you Myra sorry to hear of your bad migraines. I have a friend who suffers these almost daily. I would love a good day without any anxiety. Just took my first mirt and can feel it working its sedative effect already and ive eaten so much tonight. Ive got to keep the faith we both have to its one day at a time but not easy to do. Physc appt was very draining going over all history so looking forward to bed but 12 year old demanding friday night no school stay up later mum! Hugs to you my lovely xx

[darkshadow in reply to jackie220166]

Hi.Horrible day of wind and rain here in Orkney.The last roses are having their beautiful heads blown off. I wakened at 7 and knew I wouldn't get back to sleep again so here I am at the computer over tea and one slice of toast.Dog and stray cat already been fed.

I didn't realise that mirt had sedative in it.I might reconsider taking it if that's the case. I think it's calming down I need and then I may not take so many migraines. At the moment I get up to high doh about the least little thing. When I have migraine, I can't use the computer, watch TV or even read. It leaves me with nothing to occupy my mind but my worries.It's horrible.

It's such good news to know that you are feeling a little easier and have eaten more. That has tobe a very good sign. If the tablets help you, keep on taking them. Nothing could be worse that what you have been going through lately.

Thank the powers that be for your little boy. He is a real treasure. My sons are middle aged now but they are still my babies to me and I couldn't carry on if I didn't have them. They are so good to me.

I plan to go see my brother this afternoon in spite of the weather--that is if I don't get another migraine. He is 79 and had a mini stroke short ago so I don't

burden him with my problems but feel the need to keep contact with him.

I hope you have a goodish day today. Myra.xx.

[jackie220166 in reply to darkshadow]

Hi Myra weather is the same here. Not long up tablets knock you out completely. Just making my son his mash potato for breakfast its the one thing he will eat although its in his room. He doesnt even get dressed at weekend I know ai have created these habits with him but am at a loss how to break them. He says what is the point. Need to try tidy up today if I can my house is a tip. Stay strong my lovely and hugs to you xxxx

[darkshadow]

Funny thing just happened. I suddenly just got so mad at myself and the fight rose up in me.

It's such a better feeling than fear and sorrow. My bed has been stripped and clean sheets put on. Shower next and wash hair. Hope this lasts. xxxx.

[jackie220166 in reply to darkshadow]

Wow well done you. We all need the fighting spirit to get through. Very proud of you Myra that's brilliant big hugs xxxx

[Hidden]

I was on them I had to change meds they made me suicidal nearly took over doze if it hadn't of been for wife finding me

[jackie220166 in reply to Hidden]

I was suicidal on them and they took me off them but are trying them again in combination am having thoughts again but trying not to listen to voices need to give it a go

[darkshadow]

If only----

If only I could control my thoughts , my emotions, my reactions, my hours, my days, my life.

I don't invite in all the negativity. Where does it come from and why does it plague me so?

How and why did it begin? I recall the joys of my youth when I don't really want to think about them. They increase my sadness tenfold. They hold up a mirror to my present self--an image which I shrink from viewing. Which is the real me? I surely can't be both of these creatures.

If I could draw back the veil and talk to the ones I miss and need so much, would that be enough to return me to my stronger, former self? I don't know and it's that not knowing which ensures that my darker,waiting self is never far away. Is it all really chemical? It seems much deeper than that. The answers and the solution are well beyond my comprehension. Only when I pass into oblivion will my restless, searching mind be still.

Jackie, you will see from my desperate exploding thoughts that I have not been able to hold on to the brief respite I accepted with surprise the other day.I hope for better things for you.xxx.

[jackie220166 in reply to darkshadow]

Oh Myra my heart goes out to you I know exactly how you feel. Hope seems to rise up only to be snatched away so cruelly. I keep being told baby steps but even then they seem impossible to take. When the thoughts crowd your mind and you desperately try to quieten them the louder they seem to become. Eternal sleep would be a blessing but our journey continues each day stretching relentlessly ahead. All I can do is send my love to you and hope for a better day xxxxxx

[darkshadow]

It helps me enormously to talk to you. I only hope my wailings don't set you back. I'll be in touch. Please feel free to let out your feelings tome.It really does help. It is bad when we search our minds for someone who understands and can't find anyone. Love,Myra.xxxxxx.

[jackie220166 in reply to darkshadow]

You can talk to me anytime Myra I can pm you my number if you wish to talk via text or whstsapp if that helps you in any way. Ive booked a hypnotherapist for my son and my friend has organised a counselling session for me for tomorrow. I've just laid on couch all day but need to get my son for lunch just now. Let me know what you want to do for keeping in touch xxxx

[darkshadow]

I'm not sure how to send you a private message on here.If I could, I'd give you my landline number as it has a microphone attached so that I can hear better. My mobile phone is ok for texts but not for conversation as the sound is not loud enough for me. I would send you both numbers if you want.

I'm wondering about your counselling session today. Myra.

[darkshadow in reply to darkshadow]

Are you ok, Jackie? I'm waiting to hear from you.

[jackie220166 in reply to darkshadow]

Hi Myra sorry not been doing too good ill private message my numbers to you and my email once my son goes back to school after lunch hope you are okay and sending hugs xXxX

[darkshadow in reply to jackie220166]

What's been happening to you, Jackie? Never mind me and my problems. What about you? Are you not doing very well? Is there anything I can do or say to help you? Myra.

[jackie220166 in reply to darkshadow]

Hi Myra been feeling so bleak and at my wits end I just want all this emotional pain to stop. Its the worry of my son its become obsessive and I dont know how to break the cycle of worry over his eating habits. I just want to sleep forever as then I dont think but that will just create additional burdens for my family. How are you and how have you been feeling? Xxxxxxx

[darkshadow in reply to jackie220166]

Dr said my blood pressure was high because of stress and that's causing the frequent migraines.He didn't increase the dose so I expect he thinks it will go down if my stress does. He's leaving it up to me whether I take the antidepressants or not and , so far I haven't taken any.He did give mr more diazepam but only the small ones. I'm nearly sure they reduce anxiety but I only take one when I'm desperate. Allmy blood tests were normal so I'm really thankful for that.

Is your son very thin and malnourished, Jackie or are the professionals not unduly concerned about him? Does he eat a little of most things or does he refuse to eat too many things? There can't be anything wrong with his tummy, can there? Is it all in his head? Myra.