Im sorry if i sound down because my depression is bad lately ive been crying a lot as its comming up to the first anniversary of my mums passing. Just wish she was here maybe im just selfish as she was in pain i find myself praying and talking to her for help and i maybe am expecting to much as i dont feel anything happening so far. ! I just wish the pain im feeling in my heart goes away god bless you mum i miss you ! Love david james

36 Replies

  • thats so lovely, your wishing your mum was here but im sure your also wishing she was here in health.its only been a year david its so natural to feel the way your feeling. iv lost my mum and the first year is always the worst. however iv also lost my husband who died. its very painful. i like to think that my mum is looking down on me, and i do like to believe that i will see them again. im sure your mum knows that your thinking of her and im also sure she hears you talking to her as we never really die in my opinion our bodies die but not our soul. at least she is not in pain anymore. it does get easier. i try and think of the happy times i had with my mum. I'm 65 david and i'v lost a few loved ones in my lifetime but my mum is the most dear to me. i can feel your pain and i wish i could give you a hug. when your not in such deep sorrow one day, you might just get a feeling that your mum is near you as when we are in deep pain thats all we can feel. god bless you david and i hope that your heart heals. love and deepest sympathy. grace xx🙏

  • Hello David,

    Your post touched my heart, bless you. Anniversaries are always painful and it's such early days for you, I'm not surprised you are hurting so much.

    I am thinking of you and sending {{{hugs}}} to help you through this difficult time.

    Take care


  • Thank you for taking the time to answer my post ! It is definally going to be hard as you say. It being the first year but they say times a great healer i hope so ! Theres still a bit of resentment. That shes not hear but i under stand she was unwell ! Take care david

  • Hi David, My brother died 4 yrs ago and his anniversary is coming up shortly. I can feel myself sliding down already. I'm fighting it , I know he would hate for me to go through this , and I imagine your Mum would feel the same. I keep a small notebook which I use to talk to my brother in. I also talk to him in my head and I talk about him to my family. It gives me great comfort to do this because I feel like he's still a part of my life. I know the common solution to death is that it will get better over time. I don't want it to get better. I want to always miss him, it keeps him with me. I know how crazy this probably sounds to some, but we each have to find our own way to deal with loss. Feeling pain is a natural thing to me as long as you don't obsess over it . Memories are wonderful, a gift really, maybe yours will help you. I hope so.


  • Thank you so much for replying to my post ! Im sorry for your loss how did you deal with it in the early days ! I know its early days for me but i get periods Of been upset that my mum was taken from us see was in pain which i wouldnt have wanted for her! God bless you pam !

  • The first anniversary of a parents death is always the worst. It hit me harder than my dad's actual death I think. Remember all the good things and good times and that she's still with you as you are part of her. It's completely normal to feel this way and nothing really prepares you for losing a parent even if she was in pain. You are not selfish you are grieving. My dad died suddenly at 56 in 2008 and still think of him everyday.

  • Thank you katie for your reply to my post ! Im sorry for your loss did you find as time went on it eased or got worse ! Its the run up to the anniversary thats hard to me ! God bless you katie. - david

  • Yes it was the run up to it for me also. I think because you reflect on the year gone without that loved one it hits you harder. It does get better. You always miss them and think of them but the grief lifts and it's more about what a great person they were and funny stories and just loving memories really. Sorry for your loss also. Its very tough I know. I cried a lot in the run up to the year anniversary of his death. I was more in shock and denile for that entire year leading up to it. Think it got me on my wedding day aswell because he wasn't there to walk me down the aisle. It will get better I promise.

  • Hi katie i sometimes believe that those you miss are there with you when you think of them so they rarely leave your side ! When i feel down i find i talk to my mum in the hope she can help me ! I thought i was the only one a fact that.thats not the case god bless you mum. David x

  • Thanks David. I talk to my dad also. God bless you too and keep going x

  • Hi Katie, my dad died suddenly in front of me and I think I'm suffering depression and trauma due to the shock!! He died in 2009. I miss him everyday and talk to him daily! I do believe we meet our loved ones again, but it's never easy is it. I'm not religious but have always believed in the afterlife. I just wish we could go together as its the ones left behind who suffer! I know he is in a good place and I live for the day I see him again. Sorry just felt I had to send a msg.

  • It's tough isn't it. My mum and dad divorced when I was around 19 so he lived in another area. It was when the neurovirus was going round and we had all been ill with it. He got ill and we thought it was that, so did his doctor. I had a newborn at the time so didnt want to risk passing it on. Next thing we know he was dead. Wasn't that at all he had a massive internal bleed but his doctor went out to see him at home hours before and told him 'you can't be that bad if you are walking around' hours later he died. Was so angry and guilty for not seeing him. I know if I had of I would have got him to a hospital. Also my aunty his sister who he lived by didn't bother to ring us until he was dead. I had a horrid nightmare the night he died and woke up so disturbed. Went to my mum's with my baby and then we got the call that he had been found. A lot of anger, guilt, shock. I do believe in the after life also. He wasnt physically with me at my wedding but he was there. Sorry for your loss. Its such a shock when someone dies suddenly.

  • Bless you and thanks for replying! I truely feel for you. But I know your dad is always by yourside and love never dies nor the soul. The pain never goes way but becomes easier in time. Speak to him, tell him you love him. It helps to keep them close. Every night I say good night I love you to my dad. I will always miss him but know in my heart I will get to hug him again. I live for that day. Until then I try to live the best I can And try to be a good person. Love and best wishes to you Katie.

  • Thank you. My dad visited me after his passing. Sounds crazy but that's another story. Sure you will see your dad again and I will see mine. I do speak to him. In my head but I sense he hears. Thanks for your kind words. Means a lot.

  • I saw my dad, your not crazy! I just want to hug him once more as I'm sure you do. Always here if you want to vent or chat.

  • You're not being selfish, you're being human!

    It's going to take years, so don't be hard on yourself, it's early days.

    Hope you feel a bit better soon.

    Take care.

  • Fibropop thank you for your reply and kind words i appreciate its early days but sometimes it feels theres no end to it ! The only blessing is my mum was in pain and she is at peace ! Again thank you my friend david!

  • I'm sure that's true and there's nothing worse than being in pain. It's only natural you miss her.

    Good luck and my best wishes.

  • Thank you my friend. Good to know people such as your self. Exist to help others ! David

  • You are very welcome, we understand how you feel and are here to try to support you.

    Best wishes.

  • God bless you take care david

  • My brothers passing of his 4th anniversary is coming up and I too are feeling low and very sad with that awful hurting feeling you have in your heart .. Life can be hard but it can also be good .. Keep believing things will change coz yhey will .. Nothing stays the same good or bad .. Your mum will want you to be happy and live your life as life is a gift .. Just live for one day at a time .. To the best you can ., for your mum x

  • Grieve your loss but celebrate her being pain free. No mother wants her children to hurt, see her happy, concentrate on the moments of fun, joy and love you shared with her . Your heart will heal but it will take time. God Bless you with His Peace 😘

  • Thank you red hots for your kind words it makes a diffence ! My mother was everything to me so watching her in pain and ill was just as bad as when she passed away ! Ive got great memories of my mother just ive got a big void in my heart ! Take care red hots x

  • My mother suffered pain for years, I found when I focused on how much she suffered, it was easier to be at peace with her passing .

  • Thank you i hadnt thought about it like that david !

  • Hi David I can't believe it's been a year since your mums passing. It doesn't seem that long. You never get over losing loved ones - the best you can do is come to terms with it. This does take time though. My dad died 8 years ago and my mum 3 and I still miss them as much as ever. There is always pain in your heart but you have to get on with life anyway. I believe one day we meet them again one day anyway. I am looking forward to that.

    Take care love. Bev x

  • Hi bev yes i has been a year still feels like yesterday i miss her like hell but at least shes not in pain ! Sorry about you dad im grateful to you for being there for me your one of the first people i met when. I start in this group and for that im grate fully take care david

  • David, when my Mum died 3 years ago, my world came to an end. I still miss her so much and dream about her a lot. There are people here who understand your pain. I hope that it lessens for you. Wendy x

  • Hi wendy im sorry for your loss thank you for taking the time to answer my post ! I will always remember my mum and im glad shes not in pain any more ! She will be forever in my heart take care david x

  • Hi David,

    I lost four family members during a four year period, although none of them were my parents. My parents are both asleep in my living room as I type this. I love them so much and honestly don't know how people stay sane after the loss of a parent.

    I can tell you that the pain eases, and I agree, knowing that they are no longer in pain is a small mercy. We focus on the happy memories.

    But we drive past the house that my in laws lived in every day. They were as much a part of my family as my own blood relatives. I've just started a new job, and one of my new colleagues has a family member who has been diagnosed with cancer. It brings it all back for me. I can feel her pain and I know what she's about to go through.

    I really wish that I could offer you come comfort. I'm due to see a psychologist about grief, so maybe in the future I will be able to.

    Be kind to yourself, treat yourself. Honour her by doing things you used to do together. You are a part of her, and therefore, she's never really gone.

    My thoughts are with you.


  • Hi lori sorry to see you loss ! If i had to do things differently i would have spent more time with them ! My depressions keeping me from going to see my dad as often as i would like i stay in doors most of the time ! My wifes my rock. And i dont know were i would be without her! God bless you and hope things get better david

  • Thanks David. I was my husbands rock when he needed me and vice versa. It makes the love you have for one another stronger I think.

    Be kind to yourself. I mean that. Give yourself a break. Cope however you need to for a while, and then when you a ready, you'll start feeling able to push yourself.


  • Hi lori it takes a lot to be able to be strong for those as close. As our partners ! I feel sorry for those who havent got the bond to ask for help take care x

  • Instead of praying to her, pray to the God whose loving arms are now embracing her, where there is no more sorrow, no more pain, no more tears..... and ask for His Holy Spirit to comfort you with peace that passes all understanding. I am.

  • Hi copasedic thank you for taking the time to answer my post ! Im glad you did becausea it opened up a totally different way your words were soothing as id never thought about praying this way so i will proberlly get more out of my amenprayers as at the beginning i was angry that she had gone ive got through the 1st year and her anniversary this. Has been very hard for me. Again thank you words. God bless you amen

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