Feel I deserve to be unhappy

Hi all I have always been depressed but this has gotten worse since my last relationship . It ended last year but I can't seem to move on . He had a lot of issues (drugs and health ). I supported and tried to help him , but nothing was ever good enough. I was very considerate , his family friends liked me etc. But he left me out , never stuck up for me , was mean to me and argued against me with everything .

Now I still think of this relationship, he treated me the worst out of everyone he knew . I feel it's because I am ugly ( I was bullied at school ). He's changed the way I think and made me feel unworthy of love (he told me I want too much , I'm this I 'm that ). I keep thinking he will treat his next gf better .

I don't feel worthy of another relationship . Would medication/ counselling help . I'm so sad , I keep looking at happy couples and thinking I don't deserve it . I was a much happier person before I met this person , I dressed differently , felt more attractive and worthy. It's all gone down hill . He's happy without me and I am miserable .I am 26. I feel I am revisiting a time of despair like I did at school where I felt hideously inadequate.

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4 Replies

  • Darlin', you do NOT "deserve to be unhappy", okay? Quite the contrary in fact. What you're doing is beating yourself up over someone who didn't warrent your affection.

    What you need to do is stop beating yourself up; look within for the person you were before you met him because she's still there. A good way to start would be to start dressing etc before you met him. Please try to stop looking at other couples. Please also try to stop thinking that they're happy just because they look it. Chances are they're not.

    Antidepressants on their own may help but I feel you would benefit greatly from counselling with an experienced therapist who will help you. To me your issue goes back to your school days so that particular time in your life MUST be addressed.

    I wish you peace of mind.

  • Hi

    Please don't beat yourself up over someone who doesn't deserve you!

    Everyone, no matter what deserves to be treated well and respected!!

    You have a low self image and that isn't surprising after all you've been through. I can relate to that.

    I think counselling might be a good idea for you.

    Have you tried listening to any self help CDs or down loads? I have been told that they can help, funny as it may seem.

    Also remember that not every couple who looks happy walking around, is happy. Get yourself in a better place and feeling better about yourself before you even think of trying another relationship. I think then maybe you'll choose someone who's better for you.

    Good luck and best wishes 🌺

  • Hi Kittycat

    It's sad that you were in such a negative and emotionally abusive relationship with your ex but even sadder that you chose to be in such a relationship in the first place, it sounds as though you had very little sense of your own self-worth.

    You say you have always been depressed - and I am wondering what you mean by always as feelings can feel like forever when they have lasted for a long time. I am wondering about this as how long you have been depressed for will alter the kind of help you would be likely to benefit from. Medication can certainly help to soften depressed feelings but no amount of medication can make you feel good about yourself when you clearly feel so bad, and I am wondering what has led you to feel so unworthy of a relationship in which you are treated with respect and loved. I wonder whether you have had experience of that kind of relationship in the past? If you have then counselling may help you to get back to the time when you felt loved and to think and talk about what changed, about what led you to feel worthless. If you can't recall a time when you didn't feel depressed then if you are in the UK your GP can refer you to the mental health team for an assessment for psychotherapy. You are likely to be offered short term CBT initially but if and when the depression returns as it may well do you can ask to be referred again for re-assessment for longer term psychotherapy, particularly if you have experienced long term bullying or abuse or social isolation within your childhood family.

    At 26 you are young enough to get the kind of help that can bring about major change in the way you feel about yourself so don't put that off and settle for a life with medication taking the edge off a life that is otherwise miserable, one where you fail to achieve your potential as a person.

    Despair is a feeling of prolonged helplessness and a belief that nothing can be done to help, but you can be helped. First you have to take the initial steps of deciding the kind of help you think would be most appropriate and then seeing your GP in order to get the ball rolling. You can help to enable yourself to feel better by making that move. You have made a move by writing on this site for support, now see your GP and ask for the kind of help you would like, you will feel frustrated along the way but it will be a start towards your feeling low at times but no longer feeling despair all the time.


  • Hi

    He has really done a job on you. Him and men like him do this to control you, they make you feel worthless and with low esteem. Thank god you got away from him , others are not as lucky. If you can think the opposite of what he said as its more like the truth. Think off yourself as the winner as he is just a low life who will never find happiness. Hope everthing works out. Now you know the signs to look out for and avoid.

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