At the moment i'm 15 years old.
Firstly I'd like to say i'm sorry i'm not good at writing.
I have always been an outcast and a "trouble child" my whole life, I come from a big family where I have 6 siblings. As a kid I was always unhappy but not majorly. I was bullied for 10 years, hit, kicked and verbally abused by all of my peers. About 2 years ago I found out that I had Asperger's syndrome. I have had depression and anxiety for many years and I feel that I am different and don't belong in this world.
I still have depression and anxiety which causes me to lock myself away in my room for hours on end because I fear I'll be a problem to someone. Only this last year the bullying has sort of cooled down and even though I am very unpopular I have managed to hold on the one (Female) friend. I have major ups and downs with my depression but most of the time I am always unhappy, my parents are always stressed out but then aren't abusing or anything which makes me feel pathetic. Recently I have been at an all time low and am temped to start my self harming again (I stopped mid Feb). I get suicidal thoughts everyday walking to and from school mixed with feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness.
When my parents found my scars a few months ago they freaked and from then on I lied to them pretending I was okay and it worked because I am in my room all the time. I have never had meds for depression and can't tell my parents again.
I just want to be happy again but don't know how. I have considered killing myself my the thought of my little brother finding me dead haunts me.
If anyone out there has any advice I would really appreciate it, I don't want to die I just want to be a normal person.