Scared

[Westie-love]

I am not coping with my depression just now, I am starting to pull away from everyone, and into my safe bubble, I am trying hard not to do this, I feel I can't trust anyone, not even my closed friends, I have been badly hurt by someone who, I thought was a great friend, also the one who should understand how I feel, as she has a family member going through the same, my group of friends is being split up with people falling out, one of them, has put me right in the middle of the fighting, telling me everything that has been said and done, this sent me on a spiral downfall again, if it wasn't for the crisis centre I wouldn't be here today, I don't know how I can come out of this, I am on Amitriptyline every day, and diazepam(when needed) I hate being reliant on drugs to get me through, I spoke to my Dr yesterday as I only have 4 CBT appointments left, which has me worried sick, he was not sure whether this could be extended or whether he would have to refer me again, I am comfortable with my current therapist, if I get re referred I probably won't get same one, I am scared of my bad days as I have came close to giving up completely, several times lately, I just can't see a light at the end of the tunnel, just complete darkness

[Satsuma]

I hear you. I have been where you are. Having been hurt also by someone whom I trusted makes one feel very sad and it does force us into depths of despair. Because they are negative and choose to treat us not nice they want to force us into a coccoon of self destruction. I have brought myself out of it by moving away from the negative people and creating my own safe space and concentrating on myself only. I make a pledge to me also not to give up on me and not to be swayed by the ill feeling of the negative people. We are the only ones who can bring ourselves out of it. If we can get in it, we can get out of it.

[Hidden]

CBT, sadly is been generally rationed to six sessions throughout the country. At the end of your course you will be assessed to see if you need a further course of treatment different to above. Generally however you will be discharged with coping skills the CPN has taught you over the six sessions.

I understand you have other problems so there may be further treatments available to you

With regard your associated worries with friends and they falling out with your friends and your concern regarding the one you have been able to confide.

All I can suggest if the problem continues is that you just listen and if possibly ride over the top of it and keep your powder dry, hopefully you will find the problems will eventually sort and cease and you may be able to rise up above your worries and keep friendships. In a lifetime is is very rare to have friends that have been with you from school to death, these type of friendships are like sparkling diamonds and need to be loved and respected.

You are in a very cold space at this time, eventually all will sort out and the sun will shine. A relationship has failed and that also will be a sadness to you. Personally we all go through these periods in life and all I can suggest is talk to the CPN about it and be kind to yourself. Times will heal and you will move on. Failed relationships are part of the selection process to find a life partner, we all feel sad and upset at this time and sometimes say I will never love again. Give time and do not rush into any new relationship, you will then recover and find someone new.

Talk to your GP and keep Him informed of your Depression, He/She is in partnership with you as far as your health is concerned, be guided by your Surgery.

I am interested in the types of medication you seem to be on, I suppose it is early days and I do not know what other drugs you need take for your other concerns. I am not a doctor by advised be your Surgery

Good Luck

BOB

[Westie-love]

I have tried to keep away from the negative person, but one of my other friends keeps telling me to sort it out with her, I tried and failed, and therapist has said to just let it go, which I am trying to do, but I have been hurt so badly, that it is constantly on my mind as I can't understand why it happened in the first place, I have used the crisis centre in between CBT sessions as everything builds up and I need to get it out, and talking to someone neutral helps me to rationalise what is going on, I don't drink alcohol because of other health issues, but there are days when I could just drink myself into oblivion, I hate my life just now and yes I do blame myself for a lot of things because I had problems growing up, and I was made to feel worthless and stupid. This is something only I can change but I don't feel I can change 😟

[Satsuma in reply to Westie-love]

At the none t you cannot feel as if you make a change but if you give yourself a little time out as you need to gather your thoughts and do things for you and you alone ... Relax around the house, watch telly, take herbal.baths, listen to music, record your thoughts in a journal, chat on here, go for walks, make some soup, find a hobby, and purely resting ... All for example ... In time your focus will change and your strength will improve .. Inbox me if you need to chat

[LoriMS61 in reply to Westie-love]

I had a friend who I had grown up with and who was my maid of honour at my wedding. We were inseparable from teenagers up until our mid twenties. Then she started cancelling plans with me, and then she stopped texting. When I asked her why, or what I had done, she would say nothing.

We didn't speak for 5-6 years. I never knew why. Eventually I realised that I would never know why. We always want to have explanations and sometimes we just aren't given them. She has made attempts to be a part of my life again, and I am quite happy to be in contact, but I will never open myself up to her again. I will never give her the power to hurt me that much.

What other advice has your CBT coach given you and are you using it? Like I said above, my counsellor gave me so many tools, but I don't use them all of the time. My husband reminds me to use Mindfullness when he can see I'm overwhelmed and I told my friends and personal trainer key phrases I use so that they can use them when I need it.

Lori

[LoriMS61]

Hi Westie-Love, it sounds like you are in a toxic relationship with your friends and I can see why that would drag you down. I understand that you will want to avoid being lonely and isolated, but it doesn't sound like they are good friends.

You need to be able to have a frank discussion, whether it be face to face or not. You need to explain that you are currently not well enough to deal with the problems of others. If you had a broken leg they wouldn't expect you to go running would they.

I have learned who my real friends are over the past couple of years. The people who weren't real friends are not a part of my life any more and I don't miss them.

It's horrible when people you think you can trust hurt you. The only thing you can control is your own reality. She will have justified in her mind why she has done what she has and there is nothing you can do about that. Is it fair for you to say you don't trust anyone else, or is it just your friendship group? If they are all bitching it is best for you to stay out of it. I learned the hard way as a teenager that if people are prepared to talk to you about things they shouldn't then they will be equally happy sharing things you don't want them to.

I was seen by the Crisis team and I get what you mean. They kept me alive during my intense time of need. They saw me daily until I no longer needed that high level of care.

It took me a long time to be okay with using medication to get better. I'm sure you've read at least one person make the following point though: if you were a diabetic you would take insulin, if you had asthma (which I do) then you would take an inhaler. There is a stigma around mental health and it took me three months before I was prepared to listen to the point I just made, so well done for taking them anyway.

I recently posted about my distress of losing my counsellor so I can really empathise. During my third visit with her I told her I was anxious about losing her. She told me that if that was the only thing I focused on then I wouldn't be able to focus on getting better. My last session was with her on Tuesday and I was a state the day before. I shared how I felt here and was given some really good advice- I'm not going to repeat it, but it's worth clicking on my name and reading it.

We originally agreed to try some bereavement counselling mixed in with some CBT but we never managed to get that far as I couldn't handle the pain of talking about my loss. We used acceptance and commitment therapy to help me cope with day to day life. I learned so much from her, and I will always be grateful for the gift of her help. I have tools to help myself and hopefully others too. I've been referred to a psychologist by my counsellor so perhaps that will be an option for you too. I know how hard it is to open yourself up and be vulnerable to someone. I know what that bond of trust feels like. She's not gone forever though, I have her voice of reason in my head when I need it.

Can you please tell me something good that has happened today?

Lori

[Westie-love]

Thank you Lori, so far the therapist has worked on my past and what it is that has made me so negative about myself, that took a couple of sessions, we have also worked on the problems with friends, the last one was about what things I have done that were positive, I left that session feeling a bit better, but on the sun friends started fighting and I couldn't cope with being in the middle, this has made me withdraw back into my safe bubble, I can't cope with busy places, so can't go alone, this means that I do rely on friends to go with me, it also means that I have hardly been out lately, as they seem to have no time for me, or they say they are busy, I have a beautiful nephew who since he was born prematurely has fought for survival, I have been there through it all with him, I haven't seen him for over a month, as mum is too busy, this really hurts as I know it's not entirely the truth, he is what has kept me going as I love him so much, I miss his cheeky smile and the way his face lights up when he sees me, he knows I will have chocolate in my bag for him. I am also my daughters carer, which means my plans can change at the drop of a hat, I just want to curl up in a ball and forget everything but I can't