all to much

[RachelN]

I really don't know where to start and how to feel. Its getting far too much.

- lost my job

- running out of money

- former employer doesn't do the paper work

- can't claim benefits

- being in pain all day, lost wait and feel sick, weak and dizzy all the time and some other symptoms

- had an hospital appointment yesterday and have to wait up to 6 months for a proper test

- have to find a new job and therefor I have lots of interviews, phone calls and "work" to do

- my wife is worried (and I am too) that i might have cancer but my doctor is not worried because I would be too young and I don't have overweight.

- I don't have a big family (only my father and a younger brother - whom I don't really know). I can't tell my father he has enough problems on his own. He lives in Germany so he can't help me anyway.

I am so confused. I get some counselling (from my former employer over the employee support program). I am waiting for the IAPT service to send me referral to big white wall but there don't do it. Had to chase them a couple of times. I can't anymore.

[RachelN]

unfortunately yes, i tick lots of the boxes. my mother had the same problems when she was only 3 to 4 years older than I am now. I try not to think about it too much but it adds up.

[RachelN]

I know that I have all the classic stuff but my doctor treats me like the first person ever having those problems and they don't know what to do with me and everyone else seems to be the same. They don't know how to help me because I don't response like other people to they help.

I sometime think I don't have depression. Its just the way how I react to this non barrier free world. I don't want to be in this world. I always think in this way as long as I can remember. It is all wrong.