So lost and lonely ,and giving up hope

I had a really bad year last year I was a passenger in a bad car crash And ended up in hospital for 3 months in a coma, while I was in hospital my girlfriend of 4 years was sleeping with my own brother and a lot of other people in the town I'm from .when I came back home I was a laughing stock and couldn't get over the shame . I was still sick but I packed a bag and just left for another city (manchester ) -I found a job and a place to stay but that was a year ago and I feel so alone I go days without speaking to another human being ,and my work contract runs out in 3 months so I'm worried about losing my house . I'm still angry and upset about how I was betrayed by people that were supposed to look after me .My ex contacts me from time to time but I don't speak to her I just want this feeling of lonleyness and anger to go away so I can get on with my life and start again .Sorry for the essay buy I have absolutely no 1 to talk to just glad to get it off my chest


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8 Replies

  • have you not made friends in your new place of work and where you are living ? I would block her number and be done with it. Is your time really up at your job if so can you not start looking for something new.


  • Wow ...How brave you are to go and start a fresh somewhere on your own i dont think i would have the courage to do that....You have been through the trauma of being in a coma and thats something most of us will never experience. I would be amazed if that has been resolved in your mind so if you havnt spoken to anyone about that go and see your gp and ask to speak with someone

    You may have chosen not to have people in your life for the past year to protect yourself from being hurt and allow yourself to heal , its what most of us do but you sound like your ready to change that

    You have a lot going on honey but you did something massive so your capable of sorting this out

    Every journey starts with a step ...make a list , see your gp, chat with your boss because you need an answer to that and when you know where you stand with its important we have the security of a home then it will be easier for you to settle down and start putting your trust in the right people.

  • I was going to reply, but you've said everything I would have said, and far more eloquently! :-)

  • Thank you for your kind message...sometimes someone can just say the magic words we need to hear and they can come from the most unexpected places. I do hope he is doing well and i hope you are too x x

  • You did nothing wrong, so why should you be the one to be alone in a strange town. I can understand that at the time you could not face the pain of staying and sorting this out, but maybe that is what you need to do now. Why not work out your contract, but in the meantime visit the old town and talk to your ex, and tell her how upset you were. Listen to what she has to say, and it might even help you to forgive her a bit. After all she was your girlfriend so she must have been suffering a lot too whilst you were in a coma, maybe expecting you to die or not knowing if you would ever totally recover. I am not suggesting you take her back, but you do need to be able to let this go for your own sake.

    You will feel better in yourself for having done this. If things are cleared up you could maybe go back to where your friends are and pick up the life you left behind, or even move on to somewhere completely different where you can start over. If you act now you can decide what to do in time to either give notice on the house, or look for another job in the place of your choosing. Take back control of your life in 2016.

  • I agree with Mandy regarding your bravery in terms of packing up and moving away. Problem is, moving away hasn't resolved anything for you. You haven't had closure re what happened when you were in a coma and as a result you've experienced lonliness and depression.

    If you haven't done so, I would strongly suggest that you speak with your ex regarding why she did what she did. Maybe it was her way of dealing with seeing you at death's door. Like alcohol, sex is almost like a comforting drug that for a short while stops folks from actively thinking about their problems. I also suggest you find the same closure with your brother. He could have taken advantage of the situation or maybe they simply sought comfort to ease their pain. If you haven't discussed it with him, then you seriously need to. Long-term anger such as yours is like drinking a cup of poison daily. The only one that it hurts is the drinker. In this case, you.

    You say you were a "laughing stock" when you got home. How do you know for sure? Who was the source? Can that source be trusted? If anything, most decent people would be sympathetic and on your side. In any case, if anyone looks bad then I feel that crown should probably be shared between your ex and brother.

    Your feelings of loneliness and anger will persist until you find closure re what happened. If you can then work on forgiving, then better yet. Forgiving is not necessarily about them and making them feel better. It's about you and only you in order to move on to a happier place mentally and emotionally. Once that happens, many other things should also fall into place. If you're struggling with this, then a good psychologist should be able to help you.

    If your work contract expires in three months', then start looking around right now. Make approaches to employers or employment agencies and advise them of your availability. Keep at them until your finish date gets closer. Ensure you have enough savings to tide you over.

    In terms of feeling lonely and if you feel ready, then dip your toe little by little socially. If you have an interest in something then join a club. Manchester or surrounding areas must have something for everyone. In terms of a new relationship, only do that when you're emotionally in a better place. Aim for friendship and social outings.

    From my perspective you've been through the very worst. You're still somewhat stuck but you can unstick yourself with being proactive in changing your circumstances and importantly, believing that things will get better with time. So please, NO losing of hope because you have so very much to look forward to. The sooner you act, the sooner your circumstances will change.

    I wish you the very best!

  • You may feel like a laughing stock but really genuine people will be sympathetic and disgusted with the behaviour of your brother and girlfriend. That was my initial reaction too but when trying to be less judgemental I think it is possible that the girl was using it as a coping strategy. I don't want to sound like I excuse their behaviour in any way, but I think when sexual attraction ignites between people, regardless of the situation or the factors that might have contributed to that , it is very difficult for people to resist especially if circumstance permits it and although I totally despise the deceit that often goes along with that, I do believe that we are driven by our human nature to act on it.

    I think it will take a considerable time for you to get over such betrayal although meeting someone else who treats

    you with more care and respect will speed up the process.

    You could try to find local groups that interest you. Manchester could be a lot of fun I suspect.

    I think you should be able to find more work too get looking now before your contract runs out. The danger in becoming unemployed is that it gets you thinking you are in fact unemployable I would prioritise that for the moment.

    Also I don't mean to undermine your feelings in anyway but I found this online course which I enrolled on last night that you or others may find useful

  • Hi

    This really does sound so horrible for you. I've experienced betrayal myself and it can really shake everything in your life.

    The first thing I want to say is that it is them who are the laughing stock not you. I am sure you wanted a fresh start.

    Moving to another place can be a very difficult experience. It takes time to establish yourself and develop friendships. It's even harder when the people you cared about and who you thought cared about you betray you. I am sure they had their reasons but that will not help how you feel. Trusting again can be really hard after that sort of experience. It is particularly hard when it is a member of your own family.

    This time of year is hard when you are alone. It does get easier. You need someone to talk to so I am wondering if you have considered counselling. It can be a way to work through things such as your concerns about work.

    Cities can be the loneliest places with everyone seaming to be in a group or having a good time. There are also more opportunities in cities, classes, special interest groups and other opportunities. Is there anything you particularly enjoy? Anything that makes you feel happier?

    You have an opportunity to try new things and redefine who you are.

    All the best


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