Stuck :-(

Hi everyone, been reading through some of your posts and amazing replies so was wondering if you could maybe help me too? I'm 24 yrs old and live by myself, with chronic pain and depression. I only receive ESA which is roughly £57 a week and have to pay for my flat, bills and car with this. I've applied for disability allowance and appealed several times with no luck. How can I be expected to live on nothing per week? By the time all of my bills are paid etc. I don't even have enough for food. Luckily my nanna buys little bits for me here n there. I'm literally stuck in such a rut its ridiculous! How am I supposed to get better if I can't even survive. I don't sleep well as my mattress is too soft. I couldn't walk in all my lovely boots and pretty shoes so gave them away and now I'm so sore I can't wear by bras :-( need to buy sports ones or something but I have no money. Need to eat healthily but I have no money. Exercise would help greatly but can't afford fees for pool gym etc. Everything I need to get better seems to all come down to money and its making me feel so down as I can't work to help myself. I've always worked to pay my way, even with a slipped disc and after surgery. However it was last year when my conditions worsened that I had to finally say I'm too I'll to work. It killed me to admit that I'm I'll mentally and physically as I've always been so strong. I do as much as I can for myself. I do my core stability exercises and stretches every day I'm starting to manage my meds properly (finally). I've even started leavin my house a lot more as I used to be scared to leave incase people asked me to do things, or go out for food or drinks because my answer was always 'sorry I can't I've got no money' or 'im too sore/tired' eventually friends just stopped asking. Loneliness is such a terrible thing to deal with, but add chronic pain and depression in there n you've got a mixture for disaster. I've overdosed a few times fully intending to die but fortunately woken up after a lot of my medication wore off. I really don't want to leave life but I'm so stuck and alone I didn't see anyway out back then. I'm starting to feel the same horrid feelings agen and really need support and guidance. It feels like I'm being punished for being ill :-( . How can people that are totally fine scam the system but somebody that actually needs help just be pushed away? This world is so unfair, help xx


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7 Replies

  • Hi sorry to hear your so low . Firstly you need to Samaritans who listen to you and point you in the right direction for help such as food banks . Housing payments etc . 2nd are you seeing your GP ? .counsilling/ cbt may be of great help in your plight.3rd every one on this forum will help you with advice and friendship never feel alone some one is always on this site to help you through the darkest of times .take care . Ian

  • Thanks Ian means a lot. I've had councelling, talking therapies, guided self help, cbt the lot. GP has referred me to phsychaitrist now. Not sure how I feel about that though. I used to be a support worker taking service users to see those people. Its very surreal being the one in need now. I've had hand outs from food bank a few times its a great service but ultimately makes me feel like a failure in life which makes me feel even worse. Can't win lol. I'm really nervous ringing people for help, what kind of things do samaritans help with? I definately need to speak to somebody soon though. Thanks for advice :-)

  • Samaritans: 08457 909090

    Try this site also that I came across today whilst at my therapy session, looks very useful if you look under the self help groups.

    Hope this helps x

  • Thanks chris I'll have a peek on that site soon. Hope your session went well :-) x

  • Hi and welcome to the forum.

    Have you tried appealing the benefit decision regarding the DLA via a disability support organisation such as carer direct or a local disability initiative service? There shouldnt be a charge.

    Also is an excellent website to help with applying and appealing benefits.

    You should be able to get food vouchers via the GP for the food bank.



  • Hello Stacey

    Sorry for your pain,

    Your GP can prescribe exercise at a fitness centre and it is generally free if He feels you would benefit from that.

    If you suffer Chronic Pain again ask your GP to refer you to a Pain Clinic, they wyourill help you control your condition and rationalize your medications and suggest different courses including relaxation techniques and other things you may find useful.

    If you are having problems getting around you can get a referral to an Occupational Therapist who will be able to give aids for your home and getting around.

    If you need to go back to work the Job Centre can again give assistance with an employers work environment and supply the work/office etc with aids to make the job easier for you to do.

    If your mental health needs assistance a referral can also be made for a CPN to have a restricted number of appointments to try and control your negative feelings.

    The main problem disabled patients can have is they need the referrals so that they get all help to continue their lives in a meaningful way, With all above it may be possible to get some positive actions so you can see some ways forward. The Pain Clinic can be a real, positive pathway as they will be able to show you positive ways to make life more meaningful

    I really wish you luck, you know where we are for support and a listening ear


  • Hi Stacey you should be able to claim other benefits ie housing benefit and council tax rebate. Have a look on Are you sure you are on ESA because I thought the minimum for that was around £95 per week? Maybe it's because you are under 25 when the benefits go up. Are you on the work group or the support group?

    Exercise ie walking is free and do you need a car? Benefits aren't enough to pay for that. If you buy the economy brand food it is a lot cheaper too. I am on a limited income like you and it is very difficult to survive on benefits.

    The good news is (unless you are on contribution benefit rather than income benefit) that prescriptions are free as is glasses and the dentist. x