Well I basically am on the cusp of being fired from my job. There is two parts of my job performance. One I am very good with -and the other I have been doing a poor job. So if I do get fired you won't hear me saying I didn't deserve it. However the reason why I have been doing such a poor job is related to my depression. I called the employment board and they might be able to help me. I qualify for more benefits if I am fired for mental health problems than if I just was lazy.
This morning my boss was very angry with me and I just remained neutral and emotionless. He asked me if it did not register with me about how poorly I have been at my job. And I still said nothing. I mean what can I say?
My depression has been really on the forefront lately. I am finding it hard to take care of basic things like brushing my hair and teeth. If I am going to see my partner I will always look good. And most evenings at work I am nothing to really complain about. It is only me that I know of that notices I struggle with basic things like eating, doing dishes, and just basic self care things.
Part of me wants to be fired just because I work a split shift- every morning - every night - six days a week. And part of me does not want to be fired because I get paid well and my life really feels defined by my job- there is certain aspects that would hurt me so much to loose. I never intended to do a bad job. My home has started to become untidy, because all I want to do between my morning and evening shift is sleep.
I cleaned out all my stuff at work today. I carried my box home just kind of indifferent to the whole thing. Part of me is just thankful whatever decision will be made is out of my control. I will feel relief if I am fired and relief if I am not fired. So hard to explain.
When my boss says how awful a certain aspect of my job has been done- I am not going to agree. And I don't want to make excuses. I really don't even know what I want. Does anyone relate to how I feel?
26 Replies
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Hello Aspen
Gave you a positive chat in last post you left.
It will be best if you if you let them get rid of you on medical grounds, it can open other doorways.
Talk with your GP
BOB
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Thank-you Bob. I want to see my GP on Monday. I don't know what I want is my only problem. Maybe a leave? I don't know yet what is available until I talk to him I guess. Thank-you and i hope you, Hazel and Pax are enjoying your weekend.
Hi Aspen I do completely. In my last job I worked in a contact centre for the Dept. of Work and Pensions. I hated every day and found it soo stressful. I worked 4 days a weeks from full time for 5 1/2 years.
I felt exactly as you do now. I didn't want to lose the money (which was good) or the sense of self esteem of working, or the company to be honest. When I was fired for going over my sickness limit I was half pleased and half not.
But I feel so much better (despite the lack of money) than when I was working and all my friends have noticed the difference. On balance I am glad I went. But a lot depends on if you can afford to be out of work and live on benefits.
Have they made any reasonable adjustments for you? Have you been there 2 years or more? If so they should by law help you keep the job by making reasonable adjustments ie longer break times, more time off sick for your depression, even moving you to another job if one is available. This is part of health and safety at work law. Have they sent you to occupational health for their report on you?
If you satisy the conditions and they don't help you then you have a good case against them for a tribunal. Bear in mind though that reasonable adjustments are always subject to business needs.
Why don't you google ACAS and they will help you with the rules.
Good luck Bev xx
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Thank-you for your reply Bev. I have to get ready for my evening shift very soon so I would like to write to you again when I get home from work.
Part of me perks up at the thought of never going there again and part of me perks up I am not going to loose my pay check. I am presently blessed with a relaxed personality and not the dread I often have going into work. It really is strange how I am not more upset. It is like grieving a death I guess and for now i reached an acceptance that what will be will be. Maybe it will be different in a few hours from now- but right now I am doing miraculously good considering! I am so surprised by this.
Part of it I am sure is having the kind words and support from yourself and other lovely people on this board. I will definately write back to answer your post properly when I get home from work tonight. I have a feeling there is going to be new information on my future. Thank-you Bev❤️
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Hi Bev, I just got home from work and had 'the meeting'. It doesn't seem real how it turned out but in a very amazing way. They said they notice my performances dropped in a big way 4 months ago. And they said they believe it is mental stress and now gave me an assistant to help me for a couple of months or as long as I need it. They let me know what a horrible job I had been doing which I really really had been. And how disappointed they were in that poor performance but said they used to know me as one of their best employees and noticed in the last four months I don't smile anymore - etc. and that they want to help me. This seems so unreal at the moment. Like how did I go from cleaning out my office this morning to be given a helper? I don't know. I have been very deeply depressed lately. I will see my doctor this week to see what he can do to help. I feel good about the medications I am currently on. I almost feel I may need to write a separate post on this - I just don't know how this happened - I guess it makes me feel very appeciated by people who I thought hates me and we're going to fire me. Like I was 90 percent sure I was getting fired today. Maybe they are aware of mental health discrimination in the workplace and already had some ideas like giving me a helper before they even started the meeting. No pay cut either. At least none mentioned yet.
I am so glad for you that your workplaces is being supportive
in reply to
Hello Aspen
Glad another door has opened, and you are getting help with your duties, that will lighten your load and I congratulate your Office the way they are supporting you.
Try and take your medications as lean as possible and try to work out the the lowest dose possible as you will only deaden reality and your work may suffer. I am not saying do not take the drugs, just control their affect. So you can work in a more efficient way.
Explain to your GP what your needs and employer needs are and work on your recovery from that basis
BOB
in reply to
Thank-you Bob. I am going to see my doctor tomorrow if he is working. I keep telling myself to be more energetic yet all I want to do is go to bed. I am a bit worried about people asking why others are doing my regular assigned tasks when I am still there. I think there is a few people knew about me getting fired. But I can't change that.
in reply to
Wow what an amazing employer! I forgot you are not in the UK when I put my reply in. bev x
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I am very surprised too because they had always been kind of mean and nearly all of my stress had been the result of working there. They said to me I should of came to the sooner before they found out on their own- but they are not the approachable type. They told me I used to be their star employee and noticed about 4 months ago everything dramatically changed.! There is laws to protect people in my situation but they are being over the top kind and going beyond what they have to at this point.
Now I am dealing with the aftermath embarassment of all of this. I might make a separate post about that now to ask others how they cope with this problem. Thank-you for your kindness Bev💐.
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You are welcome sweetheart. Oh I have been looking at some older posts and came across yours about the tweety bird woman insisting on visiting you. Being nosy how did that resolve itself in the end please?
Bev xx
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Tweety bird woman said she was going to email me other times she was available and never did. My boyfriend still says I can not go alone. She lives 5 minutes away from him- and about 30 minutes to me. Tweety birds are not like restricted tactile guard dogs- but he said he is too scared of taking the tweety bird home to me by himself.!
Not sure what will happen now. My employer was saying I am taking on too many responsibilities and that I should rehome the tweety bird I already have than to adopt a buddy for her. It is a hard choice still what i should do. Thank-you for being so caring.❤️
hello Aspen,i do totally.when I lost my job it wasn't because I was doing a bad job even though fibro affected my mind ,i was still able to do my work.(didn't know it was fibro then-just thought it was the stress of working for the company I worked for.it was all ok until I was asked to do a different job and forced to work alongside someone who chainsmoked in an office with no opening windows and grime from her smoke all over the computers and keyboards etc.i endured working with "it" cos I liked the work but not her.she was one of these people who wanted everything to revolve around her.she could have her radio on whilst working listening to cricket but flew into a rage cos I had my music playing on low volume.one day she lost it completely and attacked me pushing me against a steel cabinet.the worst was she got away with it and it was me who lost my job.
the union fought for me and got me a decent payoff £2000 more than what they offered.done me a favour -cleared my mortgage.sold up my flat and moved to a different area.gp signed me off sick after a few weeks -and unable to work since.
remember the day they told me -two days before Christmas.and I had to clear my stuff from my desk never to go back.
do you have a union representative?i would try to go on medical grounds.
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That is absolutely horrible and unfair! I am so sorry you had to deal with such awful treatment. Before Christmas just adds an extra strike of coldness. Are you able to collect anything for being currently unemployed and not able to work because of fibro?
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Hello Aspen,yes I've been on incapacity benefit and later on got DLA at low care rate indefintely.so glad your meeting went well and they recognised your health problems.take the help for as long as you feel you need it.
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Thank-you💐 I am sorry you were given a low rate of DLA. Makes me so angry the government wastes money on fancy luncheons and other things when the taxes you also paid and the taxes everyone else pays should go to people with disabilities.
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I was Medically retired on the 31/12/ as my last day so My first day of retirement was New years day, although it was a Bank Holiday. So now I always remember that date and time, just for their accounts
BOB
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being made redundant for someone elses actions-that date will stick in my mind forever.i was the one that was assaulted when she flipped her lid yet she kept her job.
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Why do you think they allowed her to get away with that? Were they afraid she would hurt them too? Once there was a man working at a restaurant many years ago. He was developed mentally challenged and couldn't or didn't speak. I think he was serving community service buts don't know. He would walk up to people and dump the food they still were in the middle of eating in a garbage bag. It was common sense you would not do that to most people.!But noone ever told him no because he was such a huge strong man and we never really were told if he could talk or how he best learned things. Just from his body language he seemed very potentially aggressive. As soon as he dumped someone's food they still were eating- they were given a new meal and a refund.
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Hi aspen .the only reason they gave was they had noone to do her job.
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That is so unfortunate. That is part of the reason my employer is keeping me on I am sure. I am successful in once aspect of my job more than anyone. He even said so in the meeting. He will give away the duties anyone can do and I can focus just on my speciality.
Maybe your job is the main cause of the way you are feeling. Being fired could be a blessing in disguise in forcing you to try something different, perhaps not shift work, which sounds really bad with the split shifts. Sometimes when you are depressed it's difficult to define what triggered it in the first place.
thank-you for your reply. You are so right I don't know know exactly what triggered my depression. It is like a snowball getting bigger as it rolls down the hill. I appeciate everyone's kindnesss for their advice and comments on my post.❤️
You do not want to lose your job if at all possible, especially if your employers are doing things to make it easier for you. Life is hard I am sure, but it would be a whole lot more depressing without any focus. Do what you can to find things to be positive about, and ditch anyone who drags you down. Hopefully things will look up soon. Summer is coming (so they tell us) and that might help.
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I feel like I'm loosing my mind
Fighting hard to stay in job
Treated differently by everyone on the job,with friends and family
rejection from internal job interviews 
Nothing left my job is over
