When will I learn?

Hi guys.. Haven't posted on here for so so long! And I wasn't ignoring any of your messages I was trying to get my shit together... And that hasn't worked out to great!

Firstly.. Had a job interview with a company I would have to loved to work with! Was told I had the job and then jut never got a text with some hours of them! So basically they binned me off!

So that kinda pulled me right back.. Beliveing that I had a real chance of making something with my life and then just f**ked of really pulled me down!

When will I ever learn that me trying to drink socially with my friends will never go the way I want? I can't just go out and have a nice night with my friends because every time I drink I become so emotional and think horrible thoughts! I hate not being able to go out like any other person my age and be fine! I hate that I feel so horrible every time I drink! And I know myself it's not a good idea but I always tell myself that it will be different this time!

I've just recently found out that my ex partners grandad has passed away and it had literally broke my heart for her! As they were all so so close! I loved her family like my own and I just feel so so sorry for the family with there loss.. And I just want to go to my ex and tell her that everything will be ok and just help her get through this but she has a new partner now so I guess I kinda need to leave her to cry on her shoulder "/ I just feel so sorry for them all :'(

I've only just got in from a night out and I've found myself writing on here as I really don't want to do anything stupid! I just want to sleep this horrible night away!

I feel so lost lately.. Like I literally don't know what I'm going to do? Where am I meant to be in my life? I wish someone could just tell me what I'm supposed to do because I have no idea! To lost to even help myself out of this! I seem to fight with myself a lot lately as to why I'm even on this earth? Like what was I supposed to do? What am I meant to be? I just don't even want this if anymore! I would swap places with someone who has passed right now and just not even be here.. Because In actual fact it's probably best I wasn't here like.. No worries no problems no nothing! Just a pain free after life!

Gunna stop writing now as I'm just making myself feel worse! Sorry for my depressing post guys I just need to vent :'(

3 Replies

  • I am sorry you are feeling in so much emotional pain. Drinking is such a unique thing to people. I took my first drink when I was 32. I never got the pace right. I downed whiskey and coke like soft drinks and even when people suggested I take it slower I just kept on not getting the gist of it. I quit drinking because the truth is for me no good ever came out of it for me. I always hated beer and wine. So I am going to be awkward at fine dining places and barbecues no matter what I do anyway. Just last week after my boyfriend's dad's funeral everyone was having a drink at his mom's house. My partner is a diabetic and doesn't drink but I was asked by his friends why I am not drinking. When they asked it felt like the whole room went quiet and waited for my answer. I don't like the taste of wine or beer but do enjoy a bit of whiskey now and then. And I do have a bottle of FireBall cinnamon whiskey in my fridge right now. I put it in my tea when I have a sore throat or cold.

    I guess it would be nice if I could hang with the 'cool kids' drinking beer and enjoying a fun night out. But that is nit me. And it sounds like it is not you either! There is a sneaky way around everything and volunteer to be their designated driver. Then you are with your friends but not drinking. That is what my diabetic boyfriend does. And me? Honestly I prefer to stay home. It is Saturday night at 1:30am and here I am on health unlocked.com! I would rather be home cosy in my bed writing to you than trying to hang out with people on a night out when I know I am going to be miserable later.

    Can you contact that company and ask what is up? Call them up and say you would like your hours please. What is the worse that is going to happen? What is the best thing that may happen? Please try. It really is worth it!

    I used to think how if I could switch my life for someone I loved that was dead - it would be something I would like to do. My Dad for example. But we can't do that. I still think that,way sometimes. It would be best for everyone that I never was born. That kind of self-talk comes from depression. You need to share how you feel to a doctor. You sound like a lovely person. You are going threw a very rough time but things will get better in time . Especially if you tell your medical doctor. Stop being so hard on yourself! Believe me I understand where you are coming from. Keep talking about how you are feeling. Hope you feel better after a good night's sleep.

  • It's good you came on and were so honest x I think the drinking is a bug negative for ur life if u end up that way. U are here for a reason for def. u sound like a good hearted caring person so u have lots going for u. Bin the booze, get healthy body healthy mind. Listen to Clayton Jennings on u tube. A guy who did not know why he was here, watch his clips n u will know why ur here. Ur ex girlfriend will be sad but u can't make e dry thing ok for her till u make it ok for ur self. Call that company up ask what happened. Take strength from ur mistakes. It's a new day today, I woke up being greatful for so much in my life. Def get a chance watch Clayton Jennings, brilliant . Start ur day off better, be good to ur self first x

  • As said before get in touch with the company, they might have your number wrong, I would avoid alcohol if it makes you worse, as said before if you drive you can be designated driver, no one will think badly of you for not drinking especially if they are true friends xxx

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