Help

[agile-orangutan]

I need help. I have been suffering from depression for a while now but it has been getting really bad, so much so, that my first year at uni has been so disappointing. I have not been able to engage, care. I can just about get through the day. But what is worst is the fact I have my final year exams next week but I am not ready. I have been so consumed that any learning has gone out the window. I won't be able to cope and do something that a year ago I would have loved to be challenged. I am afraid. I feel torn. I want to be able to do them, but I am so unprepared and the day is already a challenge. I could ask for a defer to the August exams instead of the May exams but I don't want my uni (or my parents) to think I am a failure or like I am just making excuses. I already had to miss my midsessionals because I broke down... I can't talk to anyone, I am in the fog and so so tired and just dead inside. Thank you for 'listening'. Any suggestions?

[Obriens3]

Hi there, you are not alone. The many posts I've seen on this site from university students is unreal. Is there a student support counsellor, someone you can talk to when your feeling like this ? The pressure of exams looming over your head probably makes you feel very stressed and under pressure, as can the thoughts of letting people down. Just remember this is about you and your future no one else. Ease down and remember it's not the end of your life if you don't pass. You can try again. I personally did not go to university but studied for my degree years later when in my late twenties. X

[agile-orangutan in reply to Obriens3]

Thank you Obriens3 for your reply and kind words.

At uni I think they have some counselors but I am one of those people that is used to dealing it all on my own and I would feel too embarrassed to talk to them. I have though recently started to open up with my mum and she has been a huge help the past couple weeks in particular in getting help from my doctor. I am going to try to just get through them to spend my summer months healthy and happy again to start my second year fresh. Like you said if I don't pass it is not the end of the world.

I hope you enjoyed the course you completed and congrats on completing it

xxx

[angse]

You are defiantly not a failure, it takes courage to come on here and say everything you have done, if you feel you need to defer your exams then do so, it will take pressure off you some, listen Agile you have an illness

Like any other illness, but ours is hidden, people can't see it, but we have to try and talk to family and friends and explain how we feel if you have not done so already, be kind to yourself and heal, you do need the time take it easy. Annette

[agile-orangutan in reply to angse]

I really appreciate your kind words angse, it is lovely to hear that.

It is hard to talk about it as mental health isn't something widely accepted nor spoken about and some people find it hard to understand which is one of the reasons why I have been so closed off. My mum was included in not understanding, but after putting up the courage and talking to her it has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and she has been a big help and has grown more understanding and our relationship is on the mend.

I feel like deferring to August but after talking to my mum, I am going to just do the exams to pass, although it kills me to 'just pass' as I have never been that person, but I need to get these exams over and done with to focus on my health in the months after before I start uni in late September.

It has been a big boost hearing from you and support, thank you x

[angse in reply to agile-orangutan]

Thank you Agile- orangutan

You are so much stronger than you think, look at you going to do those exams, I am thrilled to hear you spoke to your mum, you can only go from strengh to strengh now, yes its hard to speak of mental health, but you did it, you will always have us hear to help, even if its just a word of encouragement, good luck

And let us know how things go for you Annette (real-name)

[littlesister94]

You are definitely not alone, A-O. I myself have been through just the same and I can assure you, NOBODY would think badly of you for deferring your exams, and anybody who does isn't worth listening to. I would strongly advise speaking to the student support team at your Uni and hearing what they have to say- there will have been thousands of students in your position in the past and they will be able to advise you on the best steps to take.

I'm sorry you haven't enjoyed your first year at Uni. It's supposed to be the best years of our lives but it can unfortunately be a really stressful, and very lonely place, even in halls of residence. I only 'came out' about my depression (which I've had for months) to my friends a couple of days ago, even since then I've noticed a massive improvement in how supported I've felt from them, so if you have some good friends who you trust and you want to understand your situation, I'd let them know.

Good luck with everything; let us know what you decide to do xx

[agile-orangutan in reply to littlesister94]

Thank you littlesister94 for your support and kind words, it means a lot especially knowing I am not alone being in this position.

I find it hard talking to my uni as I find it hard to come to grips with it myself let alone my fear they won't take me seriously or think I am putting it on. I am afraid and embarrassed and it is hard to get clear thoughts in my head.

I have had a big talk with my mum and she has encouraged me to just pull through and get a pass to get through to next year and allow the next months following my exams to focus on improving my health, so I can make next year better. As much as I want to defer, I need to try and get it out the way so I can get better. It will be a long road and I need as much time as possible. It has been hard enough trying to balance my studies and trying to get by daily without prolonging it on for more months and leaving only one month to focus on me before next year.

I will see how this goes. It is a hard decision but hopefully it will work. I am still on the fence about it, but I dont want to let my mum down so I will try for her.

I am glad you found the courage to tell your friends and that your feeling more supported, it is lovely to hear that, though I can't imagine how difficult it must have been and the courage you had to do that, it was hard enough to finally open up to my mum a few weeks ago.

Thank you so much for your reply and help

xxx

[littlesister94 in reply to agile-orangutan]

Well done for talking to your mum, and good luck with your decision! I really really hope you can get through these exams OK, we're here for you if you need, and you'll be able to talk to your mum now, which is good!

Please try to remember these words if you feel really low (It sounds a bit silly, but it sometimes helps me just to remember):

"You're going to be OK".

At the end of the day, even if you don't pass your exams, it's not the end of the world (But I'm sure you will). After you do them, you can go home for the summer and concentrate on getting a bit more happy and healthy, and if you end up deferring for a year because you need the time out, then that's OK- it's better to take the long road and enjoy it more than to try and rush something when you don't feel right and ending up mega-stressed and depressed.

All the best xxx

[silviaHope]

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[agile-orangutan in reply to silviaHope]

Thank you for your reply and I am very glad to hear that your son and nephew and all are doing so much better. That is great news and an encouragement to hear of recovery

[Annunnaki]

Hi. Would u be a failure if ur grades hadbeen affected by lets say a briken leg with 6 months out of uni? Or meningitis? Mental illness is just that. An illness. Some leave it behind. Eventually. Others learn ti manage it. And it takes more courage now to talk about depression than any other illness. U r growing stronger every day. And braver. And wiser. Defering is not defeat. Nor is a lower grade. I found that my uni grades which was gud made little diffence carreer wise ir life wise. Majority if people fall in the middle bunch of pass anyway. Nomal distribution! We r all behind u. And wilk be thinking of u as u go forward. All the best.