there is no title

[thrillseeker]

I am really feeling it today I woke up in a super mood and as the day went on I have become with drawn from everything seen kids off to school and so on but this is not good because in the back of my mind I am thinking to my self why... Why is it that I feel like this the doctor says I am OK but I think he's over looking this yeah I take my hat off to him he sorted out all the pain I was in but that means I have to be on medication for rest my life no more enjoying my self with a whisky. the fact of this is I am now asking my self am I wasting my time I am getting no pleasure out of anything any more why its like I am trapped inside and cant get out feels like I am here alone with every one rushing around me I cant see the way forward any more.

as I laid in bed last night thinking what if why and what is the purpose of life and why am I still hear why didn't I die many years ago

[Suzie40]

I quite often wake up feeling fine and watch my day spiral downwards in front of me. It's horrible, isn't it? On the flip side though, I can also wake up feeling deadful and then my day gets better. The joys of having depression I guess.

I'm not sure what supernatural powers yours GP has, but I've yet to meet one who can sit behind a desk and know that a person is ok. Yes, he can diagnose, treat and make assumptions, but he can't know.

It's hard when you aren't even allowed small pleasures like a glass of whiskey. Is that because of the meds you're taking? Could your GP prescribe something that it's ok to drink with?

There is a reason you didn't die many years ago. And it's because you weren't meant to. You have a purpose on this earth. Whether that's to be a good dad, or husband, I don't know. But you have reasons to live.

Lucy x

[thrillseeker in reply to Suzie40]

Wow

The thing is Lucy I am happy and sad I some times feel like I don't even want to be in a relationship before I became single I was living and working that's over 9 years ago feeling crap about life and the fact I was working earning enough the boys was abused by there mother and was taking in to care I had to give up work for them to come live with me as the socIal services said it won't work with me working... I am not even sure if I am depressed because the way I feel at times is well ok great Infact but I can't afford to miss taking the medication because if I miss it or don't take it I become with drawn from everything i don't tick Al the boxes for bipolar as my doctor told me but I tick the write boxes or depression but I have been taking medication pretty much since I was 20 and it didn't work from then taking over doses and hating life then is pretty much the same I just want to be normal well I don't think I even know what that is

Thanks for reply Lucy x

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to thrillseeker]

Hiya. I think it can be hard for a guy feeling like that, harder to talk to people - they dont get it, we're not supposed to have complicated emotions are we? Easier to withdraw.

I think if you sometimes don't feel you want to be in a relationship at all then it's probably a sign yr not ready for one. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. The effects of painful previous relationships take a long time to wear off. Been there, done that. Society may say relationships are great and everyone should want one, but society isn't right.

I think depression can change what normal means. I tried not to think about "normal" when I was going through treatment. I tried to look for small improvements, one at a time. And I've got to a state where I'd say I'm fairly happy. It's not the same state as pre-depression, but it's a good state and that's all that matters. I think you have to to figure out where you are and concentrate on improving that bit by bit without worrying about the destination. It is much harder when the doc thinks you're ok though...

[Suzie40]

I agree with Will. When you don't feel like you want to be in a relationship, it's because a relationship isn't what you need. As soon as I left school, I became desperate to do what 'normal' people do; get a husband, have children. I rushed through relationships, ended up with two children and then it all went pear shaped. I haven't been in a relationship of any sort for years, and that's fine for me at the moment.