Partner with depression - need advice.

Hi,

It’s all becoming a bit too much at the moment… my current situation:

Living at home with my parents, cannot quite afford to move out yet, I am 22. My partner lives with us because she can’t stay with her Mum and her Dad’s house isn’t… the cleanest…. She is 21

I have just started a new job and I am well on my way to getting where I want with my career, she will finish university on Monday and intends to get a job at some point.

My parents are letting us stay at their house for free. And my partner has depression, she finds it difficult getting out of bed or completing everyday tasks like everyone else.

Lately, well…. Daily actually, my Mum has been moaning at me. She keeps going on to me about how my partner should be cleaning up our room and keeping it clean, and having dinner ready for me when I get in from work etc.

This puts a massive stress on me, because I don’t want to tell my partner that, I don’t want anyone upset I just want to get on with things and my partner has difficulty as it is. I’ve tried explaining to my mum about the depression but she doesn’t understand, she just thinks my partner is lazy.

What can I do? This is totally running me down and draining the life out of me. Please help. If you need more information please ask, I need a solution, it’s getting hard.

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Er...if you are both at university why is it your partners job to keep the room clean and cook your meals? Why don't you do it instead? Or at least half of it? Your mother sounds like she is really old fashioned, just explain that times have changed since she was young. x

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I'm not at university ^ I work full time. It's not my partner's job at all to do the cooking and cleaning. I actually do it most of the time because she can't bring herself to do it because of the depression. My mother is very old fashioned.

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Joxxorz sorry if I have been a bit tactless. Wasn't meant that way. I appreciate you are at work and it does sound like your girlfriend isn't pulling her weight. You obviously appreciate your gf has depression and do understand this. Good on you - most folk who haven't experienced it don't really understand like your mother. She like a lot of people takes the old fashioned view that it is laziness.

It can't be helping your gf or you to be living at home. Is there any chance you could move out soon? Has your gf been to the doctors about her depression? If not I think she needs to as meds and/or counselling should help her.

I know you said you can't afford to move out yet but I worry that your relationship isn't going to survive living at home much longer. Is there any way you could borrow some money to get your own place? It might be worth being a lot poorer just to get away from home. It isn't free when you and your partner are under such stress from your mother is it? Some things are more important than money...and I do speak here from experience. I hated my last job with a passion and stuck it for over 5 years. I did leave and even though I have others stresses in my life now such as poverty and hassle from the Jobcentre my life is much better. Stress is awful. Are you able to have a chat with your mother about the nagging? Tell her how it is making you feel and remind her that it is your life and you will manage it your way? My mother used to nag me unmercifully and I was older than you before I could manage to stand up to her.

Good luck with whatever you decide. x