Daughter just diagnosed with bipolar and BPD so upset and worried

She is 27 yrs old and is currently living with my mum who is 78 yrs old. The guilt that I just can't cope with her. We fight physically and emotionally all the time. We don't get on at all. There is nothing I can do apart from be there for my mum and daughter.

I'm seeing a doctor for my own problems it's just the terrible guilt.


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11 Replies

  • i had same problem with my mum. as long as you are there for her as her mum thats all you can do. make sure you fight for the best support from your doctor for you and hopefully if you can stay strong you can ensure she gets the correct treatment and help and support. i wasnt in touch with my mum at the time but now i have learned that she worked tirelessly for me without me knowing making sure i was safe and cared for. Our relationship now is the best it has eva been.i am 48 and didnt speak to my mum for a number of years so dont give up hope and with your unconditional love for your daughter im sure you will both get through it. sending you big hug x

  • Thank you!

  • Where in Wales are you Roxy? X

  • Thank you Roxyrascal

  • my pleasure...if you ever need some support this is the best place to come...... you are not alone here.

  • Hi you shouldn't feel guilty as your daughter is 27 not a teenager. Look after yourself

    And then maybe you can support her, it's a lot for your own mother to cope with.

    Hopefully things will improve for you, is your daughter getting help? Or is she still

    On drugs. It's a lot to cope with, and you both need to get all the help available

    To you. But really you seem more affected than your daughter, so look

    After your own needs first.

    Hannah x

  • Yes Hannah you're quite correct. I am seeing my GP tomorrow thank you!

  • Lottie good luck tomorrow with Doctor. I know that tearful feeling very well.

    Hannah x

  • That must be hard for you Lottie, to know your daughter has problems and to feel you are responsible for them, but you have been struggling with your own difficulties and that has made it difficult for you to mother her so do not blame yourself too much, you have done your best and been unlikely to have intentionally harmed her. I had similar feelings about my own mothering of my daughter but when I shared my distress with her she was able to cry with me and remember some lovely times when she was a child and I was her mum. We now have a really good relationship, so do not give up hope, just be honest with your daughter about your feelings. She is an adult now and responsible for how she comes to terms with her own childhood just as you are responsible for coming to terms with yours. It is painful to realise the cyclical nature of parenting, but we all do our best and that's all we can do. Give yourself a hug. You say you are seeing a doctor for your own problems, are you getting talking therapy. I do hope so as it sounds as though you are ready for moving on from your own depression and talking with someone about its causes will be helpful for you.

    Sue x

  • Hi everyone!

    Went to GP and she was very kind. She has increased my antidepressant and increased diazepam by double until I get my urgent appointment with the pchitrists in about 7-10 days. Sorry for spelling error. She thinks I am suffering from a form of pcychosis whatever that is?

    Hope I manage to get a restful day tonight.

    Thank you everyone for your kind replies.

    Lottie x

  • Do not get scared or worried we all have these feelings from time to time in our lives it is how you deal with it makes us stronger.

    When I feel like this I go to a very quiet place usually my bedroom and sit down with a notebook and write down exactly what is troubling me you could write loads or maybe just a few lines you must be quiet to go deep within yourself to find out what the problems are.

    You are your own person and you are strong so you can deal with it the best you can. If It affects your work its because you are not dealing with the issues you have problems with.

    Eat plenty of fruit and veg and drink lots of water if you do not feel like doing anything else.

    We all have to do so much more in our lives now and this is just a new way of learning of how to deal with bad days.

    Please try writing in a daily journal at night write down whatever is on your mind this book is your friend you can tell it anything you want.

    This helps you to off load your mind so you can be happier meditate, breathing exercises and pray for good things to come to you is a great thing that many of us do not do and forget about.

    All the best wish you luck and love and lots of hugs x

    It is good that you look after your Mum ask your GP for support and come to us we are all here to help you do not give up find something that you, daughter and your Mum can enjoy together what problems does your Mum have can she go for a walk.

    Do you drive can you take her to the park or countryside or seaside? maybe Bingo?

    Do a or crossword together. Talk about old times when you were younger family history is very important for you and her.

    Is there a club she could join?

    Lots of hugs to you all hope you get more help and support x

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