How do you know if you're depressed?

Hi I am looking for advice and hoping this is the right channel to go down! I am a healthy 31 year old man, recently engaged and about to buy my first house with my fiancee, however for the last couple of years I have found it increasingly difficult to get excited or look forward to any part of my life. I feel that I am at a major turning point in my life but instead of feeling either stressed or excited I feel nothing. I am very happy in my relationship, but my partner has recently started commenting on my lack of interest in this part of our lives, and a difficulty in communication between us, and it is causing arguments. While I wouldn't say I am unhappy, and can't honestly say I am enjoying my life. When I am not at work I just want to do nothing. I am having difficulty explaining how I am feeling to my partner as I don't want her to worry. I have done some research online and tried reading self-help guides but I just don't know where to start. Should I go to the doctor? I've seen many comments online from people being ignored by their GP and I don't want to waste peoples time (I work in a pharmacy and know how busy professionals in this industry are). I feel almost like I want someone to read my mind and know how I am feeling so I dont have to say it. Lately (the last 6 months) I have also noticed I am a lot more emotional day to day. Apologies for the rambling post any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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12 Replies

  • Hmmm.... this is a difficult one to fathom. Could it be maybe that your job is causing you some sort of stress which you are unable to articulate? Or that you are just anxious about the responsibility involved in living with someone permanently and all the financial implications of owning the house ). Could it be that you are just normal and a little withdrawn because of these things? I don't know about the "emotional day to day" bit except that maybe you are stressed? I'm thinking maybe it is the work and the responsibility factor. Also I do think that women and men often function differently emotionally in that I've noticed when men are stressed they tend to want to withdraw and when women are stressed they tend to want to talk more so this could be what is causing the slight tension in your relationship. You say you don't want your partner to worry, of course not but she will know something is wrong ; are you trying too much to be the "strong male" in all of this whereas if you tell her you're feeling a bit under then she could be supportive as most women would be like that if you told them I think. Just trying to read your mind :) Sorry if none of it hits the mark.

    Seeing the doctor is not always the answer but if you feel it may help then give it a try ; but it could be just a bit of everyday stress which once we can put our finger on it and discuss can be naturally resolved.

    Gemma X

  • Hiya, first off welcome to the site! :-)

    To be honest i'm still not quite sure about your question myself but the fact that you seem to be seeking help may be because you know in yourself something is not quite right? as you say, you're at a major junction in your life and it all could just be stress and anxiety about all that but you do mention that you've been feeling like this for a couple of years, i'm just wondering if anything happened a couple of years ago or can you remember anything significant from the time you first remember feeling this way?

    Here's a link to an assessment questionnaire on the nhs webiste it may be a starting point and then maybe, depending on the results, take it to your gp? even if it's just a conversation starter with your gp to figure out what may be causing your feelings.

    Hope this helps, also there are loads of really supportive and kind people on here, we all have different experiences of depression and will always help if we can.


  • ps, i didn't mean to say it could 'just' be stress & anxiety as i know from experience this is nothing to be trivialized!

  • Hi thanks for replying so quickly :) I can't really put my finger on anything that could be causing stress in my relationship or work but the most accurate thing would indeed be to say something is not quite right. And now I see it written I would most definitely say I'm withdrawn. The NHS assessment did say to talk to the GP so I guess thats what I'll do. I must say just putting it down in writing has helped. Thank you both for replying!

  • Hi there welcome to the site. The fact that you are posting here shows

    Me that all is not well. When was the last time you were really happy?

    Do you have friends or family? Have they noticed a change in

    You ? N. If I were you I would do one of those online Depression Tests.

    But Depression is not a normal state, and I would really need to know

    What would make you happy. I think you should go along

    To your GP and tell him about your lack of enthusiasm. It doesn't

    Sound normal for a man who is entering a new exciting phase of your life

    Do you really want to get married? Or how do you feel. Maybe counselling

    Would be better to see what areas you could work on.


  • hey, i'm glad writing on here has helped a little, do it as often as you like ;-)

    good luck with the gp, let us know how you get on if you want to

    take care

    Nikki x

  • I dont think i could pinpoint one time certainly in the last few years that i could honestly say i was happy, i think now however its occured to me that its not normal that im feeling like this, and it is affecting my relationship. Counselling sounds promising i will look into that as well!

  • You're depressed I'd say. And what kind of screwed up world do we live in, when we fear going to the doctors to tell him we don't feel well!

  • Hi in sally. I think i understand we you are coming from.i have the same feeling when my partner is here.i want to be excited but i cant . Have never had an i cant say on that .i think you should make an appointment with your dr and they probably will pass you on to a train Dr to deal with things.dont be shamed at all.we all need a prop in life.

  • You know something is wrong, and your the better judge, and if your girlfriend is seeing it, then people are noticing. Time to go see your doctor as this has been going on for more than 2 weeks.

    You could start using a SAD lamp and see if that helps,,, as the weather is crap here. If you feel better when the sun shines. This can help to lighten the mood. Chocolate can help too of which you know. But yes see your doctor, and find a counsellor who you can talk over how your feeling and explore how the real you is feeling.

    good luck,

  • Well thankyou everybody. Ive made an appointment in a couple of weeks so we'll see what happens. Thanks again its a great help to find people willing to listen.

  • Hi, I haven't read people's responses to what you have written but my own is that you are scared of the commitment of owning the house. Perhaps you feel you will have to work and be responsible for finances and that in time people will be depending upon you, or it may feel as though the future is all decided and therefore certain. You may also be withdrawing emotionally from any demands because it feels like that's how it will be. I wonder whether any of those possibilities relate to how it was during your childhood, either how it was for you if you felt responsible for the wellbeing of others or for things that happened or else whether you had parents who set the example that having responsibilities was a burden, if so you may have identified with that unconsciously.

    I would suggest you talk things through with a counsellor and focus upon when the change happened or whether you have felt similarly at any other period of your life, then you will begin to have some idea what the feelings may relate to.


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