Me and my df haven't bn getting on for a while now. I suffer from anxiety and a form of depression and i am also struggling with the loss of my mum a year and a half ago. I feel like the living dead most days, i have lost my lust for life :( i would never commit suicide but i already feel like i'm dead. Emotionless and struggling most days. My df has had enough and said he cant put up with me anymore unless i try to change things. I feel so guilty and part of me wants to tell him to go as i dont want to ruin his life but i know i'll regret it. How do i get better and change my life? I have a 4 and a half yr old and an 8 wk old baby and i dont want to ruin all of our lives. Please help!! :( 

5 Replies

  • Hi there sorry to hear your struggling and feeling overwhelmed. Do you mean your Boyfriend is fed up with situation ! You have a new baby so I would advise you to

    Go tomorrow to your GP and tell them exactly how you feel, you may be suffering

    From Postnatal Depr. And it's important to get help sooner rather than let it get worse.

    A new baby and a four and a half year old is hard work if your feeling well, so

    Go along to Dr. Do you have any support from family or do you get a break from

    The children? These things are important , maybe if you go to the Dr. Your partner will

    See that you are trying to get help too. Was he supportive before this?

    Let us know how you are and try and gets help ASAP. Maybe get together with

    Other mothers so you do t feel alone and isolated.

    Good luck and at least you posted this and can now make a start

    I'm really sorry about your Mum and you could still be grieving for her

    Which is natural.

    Make sure and tell Doctor everything. Especially about your Mums death and your BF not understanding etc

    Big hug


  • Thank you so much for the reply Hannah. I finally told my dad and a friend how much i am struggling with the death of my mum and life in general. I have everything. My two kids, my fiance and my family but i still have days where i feel that life is worthless. I am on on amitriptyline and have been since the start of my pregnancy due to the sertraline not being safe in pregnancy. I felt a drastic lift in my mood on the sertraline but i dont want to go back on it just yet as i am getting on brill with breastfeeding and dont want to give up just yet. I understand that i have to speak to a grief counsellor as i have so much guilt regarding my mum's death

    She ended up brain damaged after a fall which resulted after years of alcoholism. I know it isnt my fault but i'm haunted thinking if i had checked on her when i was meant to would things have bn differen? I lived with this for 15 years. The pain of not having her feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest :( i just want to feel happy, i dont know where to start though. My dr is brilliant and has referred me to countless counsellors but i didnt think they worked so he has now referred me to a proper psychologist. I need to get to the bottom of why i have this dark cloud over me the majority of the time. I am gonna ruin everything if something doesnt change x

  • Hi there and nice to meet you

    You poor soul you are carrying the weight of the world around on your shoulders and I can identify with a few things you are struggling with

    My father is alcoholic & has been all my life (i'm 53) it plays with your mind & makes you feel responsible for all of it ... but you were not ... your poor mum had an accident. You have already said it wasn't your fault ... please please hang onto that thought otherwise you will destroy yourself with guilt .. and it wasn't your fault

    I had postnatal depression after all 3 of my children & I was afraid to take antidepressants as I have a fear of vomiting (goes back to my father constantly throwing up when he was drunk)

    My point is that I never dealt with my issues then so they just piled up higher than the sky and I carried them about day in and day out .. absolutely exhausting along with a controlling husband and 3 young kids

    Take all the help you can get, don't beat yourself up as you have such a lot of emotional change happening that anyone would struggle to cope with

    I am here to listen if you need to let off steam

    Congratulations on your new baby :) and I remember how exhausting it is so please go gentle on yourself, we can't be superwoman you know, we can only do our best with what we have

    Keep sharing and I hope you get the help you deserve

    Big Hugs

    Lesley xx

  • Aw thank you Lesley, i'm Lesley too :) sounds like u've had a very tough time too. I've struggled with depression for as long as i remember but i never admitted it until i had my daughter in 2009. I've tried lots of different tablets and the sertraline is the one that worked for me. I am now in a dilemma. Do i go back on my tablets and give up on the breastfeeding? I'll feel like i have failed my son as its going fab but i suppose i'd rather he had his mum in a good place to look after him that be breastfed every day by someone who is clearly struggling. I am goinf to contact cruse grief counselling today and ask for help x

  • Hi Lesley :)

    I completely understand your dilemma with the breast feeding as I felt exactly the same. I don't think you will have failed your son at all, in fact the opposite ... what could be better for your son than a mum who feels well and more able to cope

    Try to stop being so hard on yourself .. you are trying your best with what you have at the moment & that's all you can expect from yourself

    I am pleased that you are contacting grief counselling as you must do that for yourself

    It really is good that you are dealing with all of this just now, please don't do what I did and put myself at the bottom of the pile for years and years until I couldn't see daylight

    I wish you all the luck in the world and just go gentle on yourself, you've had a lot to deal with recently

    Big Hugs

    Lesley xx