I'm very depressed I don't know how to get out of this

I'm 37 I just ended a relationship back in March but I'm addicted to him codependent I just don't want to let go and hurt or be alone. In the beginning I was too fat for him so he used me for his sexual needs. Then I lost all the weight and bec I have zero self esteem obviously I dated him we dated for 8 months. He did not like making out or touching me, so I never went it him sexually. I just pleased him. I know pathetic but he was my companion and I felt happy I thought and that he was just not an affectionate guy which he told me that he wasn't. I spent holidays with him family he said he wanted to marry me etc. I looked at the future. Then he got laid off in October but stayed with the company for 6 months on a temp assignment. He's 31, he wanted to try to have a baby but I felt anxious and scared bec he wasn't on the hunt for a job, I didn't want to be the only one working, well now I just got laid off so we are both out of work, I have dragged this out since 3/31. We both own coops and I moved in with him bec he asked me to on christmas. I was going tO sell my apartment and move in but I wanted a ring, and also I needed my apartment to get painted fixed up. Well when I moved in I felt I had no time for myself, I have my own washer and dryer here and he would tell me go home one day a week do your clothes and paint, make the sacrifice. That was too much for me though I worked all day too how come he can't help me paint. He had said at one point he would. Anyway I'm just in a bad place he wants to try but I've dragged this out so long now he's resentful. I went to his place a week ago and he then after 8 months started to makeout with me and get me in the mood I wasn't feeling it. So I went home bec I feel he's just horny and wants to get off. Sorry for the overshare. I just can't let go though everyone around me says he's no good but I blame myself. Why did I allow this how can I change how can I love myself who's gonna love me did he ever love me? I'm so scared of being alone and giving up on him, I'll block him then get weak and unblock him from my phone. If I go over there today because he never comes to my place then what he may reject me and I'll be in a worse position than before. Family and friends say stay away. How can I stop this feeling of being addicted to him. Please help me


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8 Replies

  • It sounds like this man has spent a very long time treading you down. He has destroyed your self esteem and made you feel almost grateful for him. He's made you feel that he is the best you're ever going to get. You have a lot of work to do on re-discovering your self worth and rebuilding your self confidence. Please don't have a baby with him. That would most definitely not be the solution x

  • S mart advice Lucy! Butterfly has to learn to love herself first,& respect herself,before bringing a babe into the mix.

    Butterfly,please don't be the victim anymore,you need to seek professional help,& do something about the very low self esteem you have.I don't think this fellow is doing you any good,you say you are addicted to him,but all adictions can be cured! Good luck with everything,& let us know how you go xx

  • Totally agree with Lucy's advice. Concentrate on you and get yourself in a good place first. Move on and have a family with someone who will love and cherish you. Your children can then grow up in an environment of positivity, warmth, love and respect. You and they deserve it x

  • I have been in a similar position. It feels like he is everything, you are miserable but feel like you would rather suffer and have him in your life than be alone. It doesn't have to be that way. I think the very fact that you have put this story on this site tells you that you know what the right thing to do is, you know it's not right and you know what you have to do. Maybe you're not strong enough right now but I think you are nearly there. When I finally left I was really bad for about a week but then I was lucky enough to go away on a girly weekend and while I was away and he couldn't contact me, I felt like I was finally free! I still missed him terribly but I got a taste of life without him and realised it was better! When I got home, at one point I nearly took him back but I knew I would soon be right back to feeling desperately unhappy and I couldn't face going through the break away from him again. Now I can look back and see it for what it was. He probably never loved me even though i was convinced he did. But the bottom line is, he wasn't good for me. I needed more love and respect. It sounds like you do too. Now I'm in a new relationship, which is completely different and I am happy. I know you will get here when you are ready to make that break. I sincerely wish you good luck. Be strong! You deserve more and the only way to get it is to prove to him, and to yourself that this isn't good enough xx

  • Well I took a 2 week break and it's been a total of 5 weeks I found out last night he's back on a dating site. And now blames me that I took too long to get over him not wanting to touch or kiss me, I just can't believe he went back on a site unreal

  • Hi Butterfly Lucy is so right as are other posters.I have already

    Told you what I think,so nothing has changed here.

    You have to forget him and start concentrate on you and work on building up

    Your self esteem. You are worth much more. So turn the focus back on you.

    He is moving on so you must too. You can do it.

    Hannah x

  • Thanks Hannah just didn't think he didn't love me, I am blaming myself for him going on that site I felt if he knew I left for the reasons he caused no touching kissing making out he would kiss me before work and after. I just thought he would have gone out of his way to get me back he never came over my house or sent flowers all he did was text me I love and miss you and send me pics of his dog and him that they miss me, he says he's willing to get off the site if I start coming over and mending the situation to see if it will, work and If I can get over how he was with me not pleasing but wanting me to please .him.

  • Hi Butterfly don't blame yourself. Love and romance is not an easy thing,

    You are still young and you will meet plenty of men who will treat you

    Like you are gold dust. So just work on yourself, pamper yourself and start

    Going out again too. If it's to be you will be together but better that it is

    On your terms.



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